This is an extremely interesting (and free) documentary by Josh Harris! Worth watching!

http://isurvivedikdg.com

Here are a couple reviews of books read over the past few months.  For more, see here.

Single, Dating, Engaged, Married: Navigating Life and Love in the Modern Age, by Ben Stuart

I've read a lot of books about dating and marriage, and I'd say this is the best "overall" book I've read on these topics. There are other books that might be more applicable for people in particular situations, like "Courtship in Crisis" for those coming out of conservative homeschool backgrounds trying to figure out how to date, or "For Men Only/For Women Only" for trying to understand the other sex better, or books by the Smalleys or the Eggerichs or the Holcombs for those in difficult marriage situations, or books by Piper, Keller, or Chan for 'theory-of-marriage' type discussions. But this one by Ben Stuart is like 4 books in one, and it is accessible for Christian or nonChristian, and for those coming from a "romantically conservative" or "romantically liberal" background. These are two very different audiences, and it is hard to write to both of them. But I think Stuart succeeds. For example, he writes on page 61 that it is important to have both "character and chemistry", when deciding who to date. The importance of "chemistry" is very important to hear for the "romantically conservative" single Christians who are typically being told by other older married Christians that they must be being too picky, and should just go date and marry some particular godly person in their sphere regardless of whether they're attracted or not. The importance of "character" is important for the "romantically liberal" singles who too quickly/easily fall into romantic attachment with someone who is not sufficiently mature/godly.

In the chapter on singleness, Stuart hits all the same points which these books usually hit, regarding the purpose of singleness in the life of a Christian (ministry)... but he goes deeper, more thoroughly and more Biblically. He goes through the example of the life of Paul, in discussing how to leverage singleness for the glory of God. Some points: 1. Never stop (e.g. Paul even at the end of his life was still active in ministry), 3. invest in the next generation (e.g. Paul mentoring Timothy and others), 3. Cultivate deep friendships (e.g. Luke, etc), 4. Keep learning ("bring the parchments"), 5. Make enemies (! Most books on singleness would not go this far, but I think he is right... following Jesus will typically cause one to make enemies...), 6. Forgive (2 Timothy 4:14, etc), 7. Be courageous, 8. Rest (trust in God's sovereignty)

Next, he presents 7 principles on dating, which are excellent. 1. The importance of prayer. 2. The importance of clarity - explaining to the other person what are your intentions and where you are emotionally at various points in time so they're not guessing. 3. The importance of autonomy- the danger of becoming 'exclusive' (or physical) in the dating phase (rather than reserving exclusivity for engagement, and all physical until marriage). 4. Similarly, the importance of purity. 5. The importance of graciousness (this one was kind of vague, but basically, act in such a way to try to build up the other person, so that regardless of whether the dating relationship moves toward marriage or not, the other person is helped and bettered through the relationship), 6. The importance of community (friends, counselors, family)... interestingly, all of the examples he shared were of friends exercising 'veto' recommendations, recommending against continuing a harmful relationship. He did not share any examples of friends putting pressure on a person to date a particular someone else... and rightly so, I think, because the latter is much less helpful. 7. The importance of patience in dating ... taking time to get to know someone, seeing them in many, varied, and stressful situations, etc. A few other miscellaneous points of interest - in his chapter on sex, he mentions that conquering temptation requires two things: getting stronger on external boundaries, and softer regarding internal self-condemnation. The latter involves remembering how we have been forgiven by Jesus, accepted and loved perfectly by Him, etc. Both (external fighting and internal reveling) are necessary, whereas most people focus on only one or the other.

Here's an excerpt from his study of Abraham's servant:
"As soon as I say that, I know some of you may be thinking, 'That's easy for you to say, Ben. But what are the odds I'm going to find someone like that? It seems all the good ones are gone.' But I challenge you to adopt Abraham's perspective: the God who leads us will also provide for us. Abraham is a man of faith. This leads me to my next point: trust that the God who saved you can provide a mate for you [*]. Many of us can trust God with a lot of stuff, but when it comes to marriage we're scared to death he's going to do something terrible to us: we'll never meet someone, or if we trust God to provide a husband we will have to wait forever and then the guy will be weird or not at all what we want. So we take it into our own hands, which usually involves trying to dress a certain way, or act a certain way, or say certain things in order to 'catch', 'land', 'bag', or 'win' our mate. As a result, trusting the Lord (with the side effects of joy, peace, and a whole lot more) goes flying out of our lives. Don't be a 'believer' who doesn't believe God will care for you. If you have trusted God with your eternal destiny, you can trust him with your love life."
[*] IMHO, I think he should have added a caveat here, "... if He knows it would be best for you to be married." I.e., God certainly CAN provide. But He has not promised to provide a spouse for most people, and we should not pretend that He has promised this.

Stuart's recommendations on the type of person to look for are excellent (based on Rebekah and Isaac), but they are fairly common-sense, and identical to all the other dating books.

Next, he discusses the engagement period. Regarding indecision and when to pop the question, he has some excellent (though probably controversial!) advice. Excerpt: "... when trying to discern if commitment is present. Does this mean that you will always feel a strong sense of passion? No. What I am about to write here will sound very unromantic, but it is reality. You will be playing the percentages. What I mean is this: if 90 percent of the time you feel confident they are the one for you, that is a good sign. Our emotions rise and fall throughout the day. No one has a single, sustained emotional experience every minute of the day. That means there will be moments you feel indifferent about the love of your life. ... My question is, how many moments of the day are filled with thoughts like that? ... Now if four or five out of every ten thoughts about him or her are, 'Eh, I don't know if this is going to work', then don't get married!..." This helpfully "de-spiritualizes" the decision-making process, IMHO.

He has several helpful suggestions. He suggests that before engagement takes place, a serious conversation or set of conversations related to confession should happen... e.g., explaining all the secrets and baggage and stuff from one's past. There should be no big secrets between the couple, before engagement. He also suggests that engaged couples should carefully consider the finances (budget, savings, giving, etc), and discuss with the parents to show that they are financially ready for marriage. He also suggests that regularly (e.g. once a week) the engaged couple set aside time to avoid talking about the wedding and instead discuss plans for the marriage, and he presents a bunch of discussion questions.

In the section on marriage, he has good advice, and tries to exegete the most important Biblical texts on marriage, e.g. Ephesians 5. He chickens out a bit at one or two spots when trying to explain what "submit" means, but overall he does a good job. He tries really hard to make it palatable for modern ears.

The last section, about ministry together as a couple (Aquila and Priscilla), is excellent (and reminiscent of Francis Chan's book and other books).
I highly recommend this book, as a "general", "overall", "safe to give to anyone", "unique", "up-to-date", "gentle", "Biblical", and wise guide to all four life stages (singleness, dating, engagement, and marriage). I think it would be an excellent book for couples to read together and discuss, and for premarital counseling talks. I think that this one and the recent book "Courtship in Crisis" are the two best books for modern singles to read about the topic of dating. Stuart's book is also worth reading about the topic of singleness.
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Contested Bones, by Christopher Rupe and John Sanford
This book goes through all the fossil human and ape (and alleged ape-man) bone discoveries (as of late 2017), and discusses their history and morphology. It convincingly shows that there are no transitional forms, between apes and humans. It also discusses the problems with dating of the bones, such as the history of certain bones being re-dated again and again to fit changing external scientific paradigms or political schemes. It also briefly discusses the genetic evidence, which likewise does not support evolution. Instead, the evidence strongly fits and confirms the Biblical account in Genesis, of separate creation of the kinds (human, ape, etc), and the Flood, and subsequent age. This is an excellent book! The research is superb. The tone is gentle and professional. I was sometimes annoyed by the writing style, which was repetitive (often repeating the same point 3 or 4 times in slightly different wording). But I think one can overlook the writing style in view of the excellent research presented. Highly recommended.
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Behind the Ranges: the story of J.O.Fraser, by Geraldine Taylor
This biography is about an early missionary to China, J.O.Fraser. He was a very godly and talented man, spending lots of time and effort reaching the people in the southwest corner of China with the gospel. He spent lots of time in prayer. The book tells of his successes and failures, various people he mentored, etc. He reached thousands of people with the gospel, and mentored many local churches. His is a life worth studying and emulating, and this is a book worth reading, I think.

Here are two good articles, the first about contentment and the second about marriage.

https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/do-you-wake-up-discontent

https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/matrimony-no-more

Thoughts on this Friday night...

1. I am very grateful for the good group of students God has given us / me, at this point in my life.
2. I am thankful for a job, for freedom, for health, for food & water, for family & friends, for the privileges of singleness (despite the downsides), for the repeated & continuing opportunities God has given me to glorify Him (although I flub most of them).
3. I am thankful that King Jesus will come eventually, and right all the wrongs in the world, and bring complete justice, and an end to war and evil.
4. I am thankful that King Jesus has taken my punishment, the punishment that I deserved for the evil I have done (and will do)... and He has paid it Himself... and has given me His righteousness... and now His joy, hope, peace, etc.  May it spread to more people!

Here are four recent book reviews.  (Visit this link for all my book reviews http://tim223.xanga.com/category/book-reviews/ )

The Art of Neighboring, by Jay Pathak and Dave Runyon
This is a great book, about reaching out to build friendships with neighbors, and ultimately show not only the love of Christ to them, but possibly also eventually share the specific message (gospel) of Christ with them too.  The book points out that we often don't know our neighbors.  It shares the importance of knowing them, and provides practical ideas for getting to know them.  It talks a lot about our attitude... loving, respectful, not arrogant (willing to ask/receive help from neighbors)...  How to overcome fear... etc.  It has a lot of stories from their own experiences in Denver. It also has good advice for relationships in general, such as their chapters on establishing boundaries, and forgiveness, and focusing on specific 'people of peace', etc.  Interesting ideas for group neighborhood fellowship: outdoor movie nights, picnics, block parties.  Recommended book!

True Love Dates, by Debra Fileta
This is a fairly typical Christian dating advice book.  It gives all the standard and common-sense (if sometimes cliche) Christian dating & relationships advice.  She organizes her points as follows: 1. Date inward (get to know yourself), 2. Date outward (get to know other people), and 3. Date upward (cultivate your relationship with Jesus Christ).  Point #1 was the most unusual... she recommends spending plenty of time, money, energy, effort, etc in getting to know oneself.  She has a section in chapter 12 called "Jesus can't be your boyfriend" in which she inveighs against the commonly-given Christian advice that Jesus ought to satisfy all romantic longings.  However, she tends to get very close to doling out that same advice herself, in many places.  It is a hard line to walk correctly, because she's right - God did design most people for marriage relationships, but marriage will never ultimately satisfy.  Overall I partially recommend this book... it is fairly good and might be helpful to some people, especially those who have not read other Christian relationship books.

Rid of My Disgrace, by Justin and Lindsey Holcomb
This book is about sexual assault, and in particular a Christian counseling response to it.  It starts by giving stats/etc about sexual assault (and helping victims to name/recognize it for what it was), then spends several chapters talking about the shame, guilt, disgrace, etc that victims usually feel, including real life stories.  Then there are some chapters at the end about God's grace as shown in the Old Testament and New Testament.  Overall this is a good, balanced, book (including both the psychological/counseling perspective and the Biblical perspective).  I think this might be worth using as a discussion starter in counseling someone who has been hurt.  Here's an excerpt from the chapter called "Mandy's Story."  " [7 years afterward]....I began to see the fullness of the evil done against me.  Progressively, as the magnitude of the evil grew in my awareness, it was amazing for me to realize that God is even bigger. .... Following Him through that dark valley and resting in His real promises rather than my own ideas became the true healing that I needed.  I came to know the true God, sovereign over all, who is ultimately good.  And I was his daughter, cherished and loved by him even in the midst of being raped.  When I reached that point, my heart was soft toward God, and I asked him what else he had for me.  I remember driving to work saying, "Is there more, here?" And that's when it hit me.  I saw their faces.  I saw the men who raped me and felt a surprising compassion towards them.  I began to cry out for them, "God save them." Just as I was an enemy of God in need of reconciliation, so they need to be reconciled by the blood of Christ.  I wept for them for quite a while and still often find myself tearing up on their behalf, wishing that I could see them face-to-face and tell them of a great God who is bigger than their harmful acts of violence, who loves them to the point of crushing his own Son to deliver them from death.  This forgiveness was a miracle.  I have found freedom in loving them with the love of Christ.  My anger, bitterness, resentment, escape, numbness, denial, self-pity, or any other response is not capable of removing their sin.  Nothing but the blood of Christ will pay their debt.  And so I can look back on that night, recognizing the fullness of the pain God counted me worthy to suffer, and also to look on it with the joy of knowing my God in a more intimate and magnificent way.  It has become a mark of God's help in my life, a place where he ordained healing for me ......."

Shame Interrupted, by Edward Welch
This is a fascinating book.  It is a thorough, 300-page, study of shame (and honor & healing).  What is shame?  (there are several types... due to our sin or due to our weakness/inadequacy... foisted upon us by others or imposed upon ourselves... etc)  Why do we feel it?  What are the sources?  And especially, how did/does God address and 'interrupt' and heal our shame, in various different ways, throughout the Bible?  Very unusual book in terms of writing style, but worth reading, perhaps even studying in a group together.  It is not just for counselors or counselees... I think everyone could benefit.
Quote: (p. 151-2)
"You have known fractures and enmity in relationships, and sometimes you feel helpless to do anything about them.  At other times you don't want to do anything about them.  But if you have known God's power in such a way that you, an outcast, have been accepted, you will want to invite others to peace with God and peace with other people.
"Peacemakers renounce violence and vigilante strategies. They renounce them even at the level of their imaginations. They don't wish evil on others in private but play nice in public.  It sounds impossible, especially if you have had an enemy.  But it makes complete sense when you remember that you were an outsider and an enemy when Jesus brought you in and said, "Peace to you."
"How you actually function as a peacemaker is not always easy to determine.  But we know this: shamed people feel powerless, and what could be more powerful than being an agent of peace in the midst of war?  What could be more powerful than disarming someone with love?  Peacemaking is, indeed, an honorable profession.
"If anyone knows shame, it is the wife of a cocaine addict. Her husband chose a drug over her. A drug - not even another human being. Now add the accessories of betrayal- the lies, empty promises, lost jobs, mysterious disappearances of her jewelry, all done in full view of family and friends. Peace seemed impossible, but she knew God's peace and she always looked for opportunities to express it.
"After a few months of his sobriety, she had a sense that he had gotten high, so she asked him about it.  Apparently, he had made some changes because this time he told her the truth, even though he knew it might cost him what was left of his marriage. 
"He could never have predicted her response: 'What will we do about this?'
"'We!' Peacemakers pursue unity in relationships. They think in terms of 'we', not only 'you.'
"It was the last time he got high, and that was ten years ago.
"Peacemaking is a powerful and honorable profession, indeed.
"Yet peacemakers are not always successful. Neither peacemaking in general nor a kingdom lifestyle in general will always win you points with others. In other words, the way of honor is not by expert peacemaking but by being connected to the King.  ......."

Here are some more good links to read about singleness and marriage, to add to my previous collection ( http://tim223.xanga.com/2015/02/08/singleness-collection-of-articles-and-links-february-2015/  )... I'll probably keep adding to this until around Feb 14, when I'll link it from Facebook (perhaps), since no one reads this blog by itself anymore without a link from Facebook.

https://wendywidder.com/2016/10/14/good-and-more-good/

http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/06/happily-ever-after/372573/

http://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/communication-and-conflict/are-you-kind-to-your-husband

http://www.desiringgod.org/articles/my-dream-singleness

http://www.desiringgod.org/articles/you-don-t-have-to-get-married-to-be-happy

http://www.desiringgod.org/articles/my-wedding-was-supposed-to-be-today

https://world.wng.org/2013/06/what_ex_gay_men_can_teach_us_about_marriage

-

https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/singleness-was-a-curse

(Visit this link for all my book reviews http://tim223.xanga.com/category/book-reviews/ )

Why God Calls Us To Dangerous Places, by Kate McCord
This is a beautiful, thought-provoking book, interwoven with stories from her experiences of 9 years in Afghanistan.  Why do we go (or support those who go)?  Primarily, because God loves those people, and His love begins to transform us so that we begin to love them too.  She has great insights about loss, PTSD, ministry burnout, etc... great insights on how to rest in God and be at peace when all around you comes crashing down, when your friends die (or are murdered), when you are threatened, etc.  When terrorists plot to attack us and do attack us, may our heart be that described in this book.  So far opposite from "let's nuke them all", let our heart instead be, "Who will go to tell them about the love of Jesus?"  See also my previous review of her (excellent) book "In the Land of Blue Burqas".

The 5 Love Languages, by Gary Chapman
You've probably heard of this book, even if you haven't read it.  I finally got around to reading it.  I was afraid that it was going to be oversimplistic... but it was not.  His main point is that people experience 'feeling loved' in very different ways (words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch), and that husbands and wives need to learn how to speak the other's love language.  He explains how he 'discovered' each one by various conversations with his clients (he is a professional counselor).  He includes lots of stories, including about those whose marriages were falling apart.  He is a Christian, but keeps most of the book 'generic' and secular... until the last chapter or so, when he explains about Christ's love.  Excellent, worth reading, overall.

The Secret Thoughts of an Unlikely Convert, by Rosaria Champagne Butterfield
This is the true story of how a very liberal and atheistic woman found Christ.  She explains her journey into identifying as a lesbian, and her journey to become an English professor at Syracuse University, teaching Gay and Lesbian Studies.  She happened to become connected with a caring Christian, who took the time to invite her to dialog regularly about matters of faith over dinner with himself and his wife.  Through this friendship, she reevaluated Christ and the Bible, and eventually came to believe in Christ.  This began to massively change her lifestyle, as she chronicles.  Later in her life, she became married, became an adoptive/foster mom, and homeschooled her children.  This is a beautiful, well-written, testimony... well worth reading.

The Verbally Abusive Relationship, by Patricia Evans
This book discusses relationships (primarily husband-wife) where one person (typically, but not always, the husband) verbally abuses the other person.  Most of the book is focused on description (and true stories).  She categories all people as holding to either a "Power-over" mindset or a "Personal power" mindset, which is rather simplistic, but there is some value in the distinction.  (The "Power-over" mindset perfectly describe the consequences of the Fall that the Bible discusses in Genesis 3:16.)  Chapter 11 and 12 have some great, helpful, advice on how to respond to abuse in a way that will hopefully cause the abuser to notice the problem and begin to change.  Basically, 'set limits'/'boundaries' in your own mind before the abuse happens (for example, 'I will not allow him to yell at me', or 'I will not allow him to demean me'), and then if it happens, respond forcefully 'Cut it out', or 'I will not accept that sort of speech', or, walk away.  In cases of physical abuse, of course, flee.  Chapter 13 on recovery is also good.  Convicting for all to read, and helpful if (/when) we have friends going through this type of marital stress, to be able to provide support and counsel.  Worth reading (or at least skimming, chapters 1, 11, 12, 13).  However, sadly, it is completely secular... so unable to discuss the powerful wisdom from Ephesians, etc.  Eggerichs' "Love and Respect" is more helpful in this area, and also even "For Men Only"/"For Women Only" by the Feldhahns (even though the latter mostly restrains itself to secular points).

And the Word Came With Power, by Joanne Shetler and Patricia Purvis
Powerful true story(ies) of how the Bible was translated for the Balangao people in the Philippines.  She shares many stories from her life there.  Especially powerful were all the times when God brought about events that she thought were catastrophic, but actually turned out for the best.  She prayed for the salvation of her host family for a LONG time, and nothing happened.  But eventually, they became believers in Jesus, and became powerful proponents of the gospel.  Also fascinating to hear about the confrontations between the evil spirits and the Spirit of God in the Christians.  Highly recommended book.

The Post-Church Christian: dealing with the generational baggage of our faith, by J. Paul Nyquist and Carson Nyquist
This book very well exposes and airs the reactionary complaints that millenials have against the 'institutionalized', 'tradition-bound', 'organized-religion', 'overprotective', 'cultural-christianity', 'anti-homosexual', 'judgmental', 'overly-political', 'hypocritical', Church (as they consider it).
Unfortunately, the response that J.Paul Nyquist tries to give to his son is rather weak.  He basically says 'try to be understanding to us (the older Christians), give us the benefit of the doubt, cut us some slack, understand our historical context'.  But our response should be to go back to Jesus, that iconoclastic, 'have you never read the scriptures' Man.
Typical paragraph from the book: "Thirty years ago, the American evangelical church member would never dream of being caught in a bar. Today, churches are being planted there. Amid the social environment found in pubs, we see opportunities to express the hope of Christ to those who enjoy a pint as they talk about life."
Their main takeaway points: don't give up on the church.  Increase authenticity, yes, sure, fine.  Remove excessive linkages between "God and country", sure.  Remove unbiblical legalism, yes by all means.  But don't throw out the Church - it has an important God-given function.   With this point, I agree.

You and Me Forever, by Francis and Lisa Chan
The Chans discuss marriage in this book, but first, they discuss putting Jesus at the center and top priority of one's life.  That is their main point... to stop focusing so much on marriage or singleness, and focus more on the kingdom of God in whatever station of life.  Since they are themselves married, it comes across as slightly tone-deaf to the struggles singles have, however, their bracing 'focus on Jesus'/'put His kingdom first' message is important and needed and overall Biblical.  They make much of Paul's instructions in 1 Cor. 7, and other passages.  They also generally live out what they preach, enhancing their message's impact.  Good book, a little strident at times, but worth reading and pondering.

Seven Marks of a New Testament Church, by David Alan Black
Excellent short book (only 50 pages).  He talks about these "7 marks"- Evangelistic preaching, Christian baptism, apostolic teaching, genuine relationships, Christ-centered gatherings, fervent prayer, sacrificial living, based on Acts 2.

Tactics, by Gregory Koukl
Excellent book.  When people hear of 'tactics' in the context of apologetics, most millenials are turned off because they assume it's about manipulation and argumentation, which they want to avoid.  Instead, Koukl presents ways of using questions to turn around conversations that start out with someone asking you a hostile question related to your faith, so that you can expose the deeper beliefs underlying the question, and move into a respectful, healthy, dialog.  This book is worth reading over and over, and practicing its contents, not for the purpose of manipulation, but for the sake of truly loving our neighbors, and helping them find out the awesome truth about Jesus.

From Heaven He Came and Sought Her
This book is a collection of essays about Particular Atonement ("Limited Atonement").  It thoroughly covers the historical views of the Church in the past centuries, and then gets into the Scriptural/theological discussion.  It's a tough, slow, closely-reasoned read, but worth slogging through.

The Genesis Account, by Jonathan Safarti
This is a scientific and theological commentary on Genesis 1-11.  It is a very thorough, even, solid, well-documented, well-reasoned, and objective commentary.  As a reference book, it's not for light reading (some of Sarfati's other books like "Refuting Evolution" or "Refuting Compromise" are easier to read), but it's well worth slowly reading.  It covers all the major scientific evidences for/against various age theories of the earth and evolution, and all the current and past hermeneutical interpretations of Genesis 1-11.  Excellent.

Cold Case Christianity, A Homicide Detective Investigates The Claims of the Gospels, by J. Warner Wallace
This is an awesome book.  It focuses on whether the gospel accounts (Matthew, Mark, Luke, John) about Jesus are accurate or not.  The author was an atheist until his thirties, and a homicide detective who specialized in solving cold cases (unsolved crimes from decades past).  When he began to investigate the gospel accounts, he realized that they have all the marks of true eyewitness accounts.  This book covers the same historical facts as many other apologetics books (Josh McDowell, etc), but is extremely well-written, and with a fresh perspective.

Debating Darwin's Doubt, edited by David Klinghoffer
This book is basically a collection of online articles written as back-and-forth debate followup to Steven Meyer's "Darwin's Doubt".  It discusses the major objections of all the critics, and offers rebuttal.  It is a little hard to read, and a little repetitive, but overall a good, very solid and thorough, rebuttal of the critics' arguments and confirmation that Meyer's basic point was correct: the sudden appearance of Cambrian animals in the fossil layer cannot be explained through Darwinian/neoDarwinian evolution, nor through any other non-intelligent materialistic causes.  An Intelligent Designer is the proper inference to the Cambrian fossil record.

Today I read that Tim Tebow's girlfriend dumped him because he wants to obey God's command to keep sex reserved for marriage.  Separately, one of my friends posted about her hard choice to continue following God's command in this area.

I say to these people: Bravo!  Keep on the path you're on!  The world will mock, but God will reward you in the end.  And probably also even in this life.  It will be worth it.

For the time already past is sufficient for you to have carried out the desire of the Gentiles, having pursued a course of sensuality, lusts, drunkenness, carousing, drinking parties and abominable idolatries. In all this, they are surprised that you do not run with them into the same excesses of dissipation, and they malign you; but they will give account to Him who is ready to judge the living and the dead.  1 Peter 4:4

Here are some more recent book reviews.  For more of my reviews, see here http://tim223.xanga.com/category/book-reviews/

• The Dating Manifesto, by Lisa Anderson  - I was somewhat disappointed in this book, but I think my expectations were too high.  Most of her advice is relatively good, common-sense advice.  However, there is very little that is new in here.  It is more like a 'rant', to be honest, although one with reasonable advice, overall.  Advice like 'stop seeking THE ONE', 'give some trusted friends veto power over your relationships', the importance of getting off the couch watching TV in the basement and growing up / becoming more mature / getting involved in the church, etc.
  Having recently read (and reviewed) Thomas Umstattd's book about dating which came out the same day (August 1, 2015), I was interested to hear the advice from a single female perspective. Lisa Anderson is 43, and has worked at the Christian singles magazine "Boundless" (part of Focus on the Family) for many years.
  Her writing style is to point out extremes on two sides, and rail against them with witty language.  "Don't be like THIS, but on the other hand don't be like THIS either."  Unfortunately, I did not find this helpful, because everyone knows to avoid those extremes.  I was looking for info that was practical, that I could use in my own life.
  Sometimes her advice seems to be contradictory.  For example, in one place she writes:

"I'm always puzzled by guys who say they're waiting for God to bring their wives to them, or at the very least they're waiting for God to point them out.  Um, when did that ever happen in the Bible, except maybe for Adam?  In the stories I read, men are going to wells to find their wives or they're enlisting family members to assist in the search or they're letting women glean in their fields after discerning their reputation and marriageability. ... Your search needs to begin with a healthy amount of prayer to align your attitudes and expectations.  Then you figure out who's in your circle.  Because that's the most logical place to start.  Observe the habits and character of the single women you know.  Interact with them if you can, whether in class, at church functions, volunteer opportunities, or whatever.  You don't need their complete history, just an idea of what they're about.  Remeber, you date to find out the rest.  Then the simple but hard part: ask one girl out.  Just do it."

But on the other hand, she wrote in another place:

"One other word for both men and women on the matter of friendship: I hear many singles, primarily those who are in mixed-gender groups that socialize a lot together, say that they are hesitant to date folks in their sphere of acquaintance because they don't want to ruin the friendship.  This is so lame.  By the time you're out of college, your opposite-sex friend group should be dwindling.  Because, quite frankly, you don't have time to invest in all those people.  Furthermore, if you're afraid to risk dating one or more of those friends because you fear things becoming awkward if it doesn't work out, you're eliminating a highly eligible pool of dateable people.  Do you really need all those opposite-sex friends?  Nope.  If you're marriage-minded, what you need (and want), is a spouse.  So don't make those friendships a priority.  If you do, you'll be ten years down the road with an unwieldy gaggle of friends but no spouse in sight."

Of course, one could justify each of those passages, explaining how each one fits different circumstances.  But it seems to me that they directly conflict with each other.  How do you begin by looking for someone "in your circle", if you don't spend time building the circle of friendships in the first place?  On the other hand, what if you invest energy in building a circle of friends of both sexes, but still don't find in your circle a person of the opposite sex that you want to marry?

I would say, "keep building the circle bigger."  I suspect Lisa might agree, since in Chapter 10 she talks about all the time she pours into her friend circle.

On the topic of compatibility, she writes that men's standards for physical beauty/appearance of a potential wife are too high.  She cites approvingly articles by Scott Croft (such as "Brother, You're Like a Six") that tell guys that they should build friendships or dating relationships with godly girls that they are not physically attracted to, and then (implies Scott) they will gradually come to find the girl attractive enough to marry.
(I tend to disagree... Perhaps she's right about 'men in general', but I certainly wouldn't want her telling me that I have acted inappropriately regarding the particular women in my circle whom I have decided not to pursue because I'm not attracted to them.  It's nothing against those women.  I have extremely high respect for some of my godly female friends whom I am not attracted to.  However, I don't think I should try to marry them if I am not attracted to them.  Perhaps some other man will find them perfectly attractive.)  In another place, she writes:
"What else needs to happen in your search?  Well, you need to start paring down your marriage "must-haves" list.  Whether it has fifty or five hundred items on it, you need to get it down to about five.  They are:
*Is a true disciple of Jesus (someone in whom you see evidence of real Gospel transformation as outlined in the Bible)
*Is actively growing in his or her faith (no long-term stagnation or stall-outs)
*Is in a position to marry (time to get that job, guys!)
*Is humble and teachable
*Is someone who has a similar calling or whose calling you can join"

Two items missing from Lisa's list, which I think are profoundly important, are (6) physical attractiveness (to me) and (7) personality compatibility / chemistry / natural friendship affinity / shared interests.  There are gazillions of single Christian women I know who fit Lisa's five points, but don't fit my two additions, and hence I am still single.

Other items:
- I agree with her critiques of online dating.
- I agree with much of her advice to married people on how to help singles
- I agree with her point "it's ok to grieve", the chapter about the difficulties of being an older Christian single
- I strongly agree with her point of "Trust God" and His sovereignty (Chapter 11 and other places).  God is wise and loving.  He knows what we need, and will providentially provide it at the right time.

• The Meaning of Marriage, by Tim (and Kathy) Keller - Excellent book! Top quality (as are all TK books I've read), highly recommended.  He discusses many aspects of marriage (from his sermons preached for his church which has hundreds of singles, in NYC).  He shares candid stories of moments from his own marriage.  In particular, he discusses how to handle conflicts, how to avoid idolatry, etc.  It's written with lots of explanatory and persuasive text for the unbelieving reader, i.e. why is marriage better than cohabitation, etc... so while TK does quote the Bible, he also quotes lots of secular sources.  He reasons as if he was dialoging with secular philosophers about marriage, sometimes. So this book would be good reading for a nonChristian also.
  My favorite aspect of this book is how TK keeps bringing every topic back around to showcase the value of Christ... often at the end of each chapter.

• Beautifully Flawed, by Shari Rigby - Powerful, great, book.  She shares her life story, of how she experienced many painful relationships, seeking for love in the wrong places... and then eventually came to know God.  Shari is the actor who played "Cindy Hastings" in the movie "October Baby", the birth mother of the main character who had the abortion, and then was later forgiven by the main character.  Shari herself had an abortion at one point in her life. The point Shari makes at the end of her book is that God can redeem anyone... and that the mistakes and flaws in our lives are part of the story that God is weaving.
  Extended quote from her final book chapter:
  "As my journey continued and I rededicated my life to Christ, my story began to take on a new shape... I now wanted to grab ahold of each person I met and tell them, 'You can be loved and cherished.  You have a purpose. You are worthy, beautiful, unique, and different all at the same time because you were purposefully created by a Savior that loves you!'
  "Our Savior is a man who came to die for us, to leave His words of truth, to tell the story of a real leading man, an example for other men to follow, who treats women like the leading ladies they are.
  "Just as a roller coaster has many ups and downs, twists and turns, so has the pathway of my life.  Even when it seemed like I was about to fly off the tracks, I was given another chance to get back on the straight and narrow, to make better choices and continue on with purpose.
  "I began to identify myself as a leading lady to the Lord, and I'm so thankful He never gave up on me. Instead He continued to pursue me as a gentleman, allowing me to come to Him in my time, to eventually love Him with all my heart.  He redeemed me and showed me what real love looks like.
  "As I end this book, I want you to know that no matter what has happened in your life, you can still get out of the boat, walk in freedom, and carry out the unique purpose you were created for."

• The Gospel's Power and Message, by Paul Washer
  This book is basically a polemic against various forms of "shallow evangelical presentation of the gospel".  Paul carefully and step-by-step discusses different aspects of the gospel, quoting a lot of Scripture.  He emphasizes man's sinfulness, God's wrath against sin, and also discusses the other more commonly heard aspects such as God's love.  He correctly distinguishes between justification and sanctification, and presents the 'balanced' position of Reformed/Lordship Salvation while at the same time not neglecting the necessity of faith ("saving faith") on the part of the saved sinner.  He writes that justification is by faith alone (not of works in the slightest), yet at the same time, true faith will always produce works.  Basically, this book has a lot of excellent doctrinal thought.
  Unfortunately, it has a rather judgmental tone, lamenting on almost every page that 'too many preachers ignore this' or 'few churches mention this any more.'  If these statements could be removed, this book would be easier to read and would have a more powerful and unalloyed message.

Let me know if you have thoughts on these things!

Here are some books read over the past year or so... For more of my reviews, see here http://tim223.xanga.com/category/book-reviews/

Courtship in Crisis: the case for traditional dating, by Thomas Umstattd, Jr. - (The following is written about a pre-publication copy that I had the privilege of reading) - This is a fascinating book.  He explains that he was excited by "courtship" when Joshua Harris' book "I kissed dating goodbye" came out in the 1990s (weren't we all), but explains some problems he encountered in his life with the courtship approach.  By contrast, his grandmother explained that in her generation, she was encouraged to date many guys in a casual (no sex) way, and this method apparently worked well for her generation.  In our generation, Umstaddt says, our "Modern Dating" approach has not worked well (marriage rates are falling and divorce rates are high).  Umstattd has some great thoughts in this book.  I think it's well worth reading, for everyone... supporters of courtship/betrothal, nonChristians who date for hookups only, and especially Christians who are desiring to follow Jesus in purity but who are confused about how to go about finding a spouse.

 
A Relentless Hope: Surviving the storm of teen depression, by Gary Nelson. - He shares the story of how his own son went through years of severe depression, anxiety, and anger (all the while while Gary was pastoring and counseling others).  He shares honestly about how tough it was, and some things he learned regarding how to parent a depressed child ("just keep loving them"), and some things that were helpful (Prozac, and also, focusing on fighting together with the child against "it" (depression)).  I don't necessarily agree with all of his parenting actions (I definitely disagree with the idea of letting your son sleep with his girlfriend), but who am I to judge?... and Nelson has definitely been through a lot bigger struggle in his situation than I have.  Some things can definitely be learned from this true story of his family's situation.  This story also resonates with me as some of my friends have faced the heartache of having a family member commit suicide.  How do you respond?  As a friend, quiet support and prayer would seem to be the best (not 'advice').  As a griever, (as Job in the Bible and as Tim Keller's book "Walking with God through pain and suffering" well discusses), at first we struggle with God and ask 'why', but eventually we are able to trust Him, even though we may never 'understand' (on this side of heaven).

 
Yawning at Tigers: You can't tame God, so stop trying, by Drew Dyck. - This is basically a book about God (in the same genre as "Knowing God" or "Crazy Love" or other books)... it makes the point that God is big and powerful and owes an apology for his actions to none of us (God is "transcendent")... and at the same time God cares about us and knows us individually (God is "immanent").  He shares about things he has learned from seminary and from time overseas in various countries (e.g. Albania).  His main point, that we should not underestimate God, is good, but the book itself is such a piecemeal, scattershot, postmodern-style, 10-different stories/anecdotes-per-page collection that it's hard to keep his main point in mind.  I suppose he would be a fascinating person to have a conversation with, but his book seems a bit disorganized.

 
Ordinary: sustainable faith in a radical, restless world, by Michael Horton - the theme of this book is that American Christians have tended to focus on "extraordinary", "novel", "transformative", "high-intensity", "experiential" aspects of the Christian life, whereas the life God wants us to live is stable, peaceful, and 'ordinary'... going to church regularly, building relationships with neighbors/coworkers/friends, reading our Bible every day, etc.  Horton complains that there is too much focus on "the one thing that you're missing in your Christian life", and not enough of the standard things, especially Christ himself.  The book is good, and that one point is well taken, although the book can get a bit repetitive and cliche and arguing against straw-men arguments sometimes.  It is, perhaps, a reaction against books by many authors (such as David Platt and Francis Chan) which are themselves reactions against the 'american dream' version of Christianity.. the prosperous life.  Horton emphasizes that discipleship is long-haul, line-upon-line, and that the Christian life should be one of contentment and walking with God daily.

 
United: Captured by God's Vision for Diversity, by Trillia J. Newbell - A personal account of how she (a black woman) grew up amid the pressures of racism in America, and came to Christ, and has since grown in her understanding of the ideal goal for which we Christians should be aiming in the area of racial diversity.  She explains that there were some personal friendships/relationships (with a Christian caucasian woman and a Christian chinese woman) that really helped her in many ways, so she makes the point that it is these individual relationships that are what is most helpful in overcoming racism in America. It is a great read overall.  She cites John Piper and his book "Bloodlines", and Thabeti Anyabwhile in his insistence that 'there is no such thing as race'.  It is a bit redundant... the latter half of Newbell's book is a bit repetitive from the former half of the book.  It is fascinating to me that she basically takes the exact opposite perspective as Michael Emerson (I previously reviewed his book, "Divided by Faith")... he says that although white evangelicals think that personal relationships will eventually fix the problems, he claims that NO, there are "systemic injustices" which must be fixed politically, and relationships won't fix that.  I think Newbell would say that the relationships would fix the systemic injustices, in time... and I agree with her...  Newbell also writes about "finding her identity in Christ rather than in her race," and overcoming certain feminist ideas...  which I think are some of the best parts of her book.  Good book overall, worth reading.

 
The Myth of Junk DNA, by Jonathan Wells - A short book showing how the evolutionary myth of "junk DNA" has hindered biology.  A bit technical occasionally, but overall written at a nice level for everyone, and worth reading!

 
The Mysterious Epigenome - Thomas Woodward and James Gills - This book attempts to convey the great discoveries of the past decade in the area of epigenetics (how acquired traits can be passed down directly from parents to children without going into the genome).  The book attempts to reach both young people and adults by using a "let's tour the cell in a submarine" analogy/story.  Unfortunately, it misses both demographics... the story is too advanced for children to understand, and the detail sidebars are too corny and surfacy for adults.  I hope this same material can be given a different treatment in a different book some day, to put the same content into a different, more readable style.  For example, the readable style of Stephen Meyer ("Darwin's Doubt", "Signature in the Cell") is much more accessible for all levels, although it is very wordy/verbose/lengthy.  But the book might be worth reading once, just because the epigenetics info is so fascinating.

 
The Spirit of the Disciplines, Richard Foster - This book discusses various spiritual disciplines (and the importance of them).  It's a good book, and it briefly touches on the big danger of spiritual disciplines (they can make people trust in the disciplines rather than in Christ for their justification!)... I wish it hit that message much harder and more repeatedly... that would make it a "safer" book for people to read.  There is a balance... between those who emphasize "free grace" and those who emphasize "spiritual disciplines"... I wish they would read each other's books...

 
The Finish Line, by D. Creson - a short book with stories and vignettes surrounding the acceleration of Bible translation, and the fact that within a few decades all the ethnic groups of the world might have the Bible in their own language... Jesus said "the gospel will be preached to all the nations (ethnic groups), and then the end will come", so this underscores that the end of the world is getting close.  It is an interesting, quick read.  Unfortunately, Wycliffe (who D. Creson works for) has capitulated in the area of creating Muslim-friendly Bible translations which replace "son of God" with other inaccurate terms, due to pressure from certain linguistic consultants.  I hope they change their ways so that we can support them again in the future.

 
The Insanity of Obedience, by Nik Ripken - a continuation of the story from his first book "The Insanity of God", but this book was not nearly as good because it often sounded so harsh, strident, and judgmental... i.e. the message seemed to be one of anger toward American Christians because they are living too-comfortable lives... rather than understanding that God calls different people to different ministries and our job is not to judge.

 
The Live Dead Journal, edited by Dick Brogden - a powerful collection of devotional readings and meditations, mostly by people who are missionaries to muslim areas of Africa.  Each devotional is powerful and challenging and thought provoking.  The title summarizes the message - we should live "dead" to our own desires, focused on Christ's kingdom.  Well worth reading multiple times. It can get a little preachy sometimes though, in a postmodern 'reactionary' kind of way.  It's worth reading at least once, and probably would be good for a discussion with other people.

 
God's Double Agent, by Bob Fu and Nancy French - Bob tells the fascinating story of how he grew up in communist China.  He was a very strong communist in college, organizing other students.  Then some events caused him to shift somewhat in his beliefs.  His girlfriend who became his wife was a strong influence on him over the years.  He happened to meet some Christians, and over a long time of studying, eventually came to Christ.  His life after that was much more difficult.  He escaped to the USA in 1997.  This is a great true story.  It has many moments of heartbreak.  It helped me understand Chinese struggles better... especially two aspects: the pressure to not disappoint one's parents (Bob's interaction with his amazing, loving, disabled, father is a thread of heartbreak throughout this book and similarly throughout many Chinese people's lives), and the pressures of Asian marriage (in particular, the tension between Bob's desire to help persecuted Christians, and the need to take care of and protect his own family... such as the pressure of having the phone often ring in the middle of the night with info about persecuted Christians needing help).  The good news is that the story is not finished... he is still alive and walking with Jesus, in Texas.

 
Babylon, by Peter Herder and Benji Nolot - This book examines what Revelation says about the wicked city, "Babylon"... it is not just a city, it is a world system... that started back in the Garden of Eden at the fall of man, and continues to break forth throughout history... in the modern days, as Revelation predicts, it is tied in with human trafficking and slavery.  This is a very unusual book in its style, but the basic points seem to be valid.  They make an interesting speculation at the end about whether the 'final Babylon' might be an actual physical city as a representative (they even suggest one city), or whether it refers to the whole anti-God world system.  Worth reading.