Good:

https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/how-do-i-choose-a-spouse

https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/can-you-be-content-with-singleness-today

https://www.desiringgod.org/interviews/why-is-god-withholding-marriage-from-me

https://www.christianitytoday.com/women/2018/december/advent-singleness-what-waiting-means-for-singles.html

This is an extremely interesting (and free) documentary by Josh Harris! Worth watching!

http://isurvivedikdg.com

Sex, Genesis, and evolution... interesting article!

https://isgenesishistory.com/why-sex-is-the-best-argument-for-creation-against-evolution/

Here are a couple reviews of books read over the past few months.  For more, see here.

Single, Dating, Engaged, Married: Navigating Life and Love in the Modern Age, by Ben Stuart

I've read a lot of books about dating and marriage, and I'd say this is the best "overall" book I've read on these topics. There are other books that might be more applicable for people in particular situations, like "Courtship in Crisis" for those coming out of conservative homeschool backgrounds trying to figure out how to date, or "For Men Only/For Women Only" for trying to understand the other sex better, or books by the Smalleys or the Eggerichs or the Holcombs for those in difficult marriage situations, or books by Piper, Keller, or Chan for 'theory-of-marriage' type discussions. But this one by Ben Stuart is like 4 books in one, and it is accessible for Christian or nonChristian, and for those coming from a "romantically conservative" or "romantically liberal" background. These are two very different audiences, and it is hard to write to both of them. But I think Stuart succeeds. For example, he writes on page 61 that it is important to have both "character and chemistry", when deciding who to date. The importance of "chemistry" is very important to hear for the "romantically conservative" single Christians who are typically being told by other older married Christians that they must be being too picky, and should just go date and marry some particular godly person in their sphere regardless of whether they're attracted or not. The importance of "character" is important for the "romantically liberal" singles who too quickly/easily fall into romantic attachment with someone who is not sufficiently mature/godly.

In the chapter on singleness, Stuart hits all the same points which these books usually hit, regarding the purpose of singleness in the life of a Christian (ministry)... but he goes deeper, more thoroughly and more Biblically. He goes through the example of the life of Paul, in discussing how to leverage singleness for the glory of God. Some points: 1. Never stop (e.g. Paul even at the end of his life was still active in ministry), 3. invest in the next generation (e.g. Paul mentoring Timothy and others), 3. Cultivate deep friendships (e.g. Luke, etc), 4. Keep learning ("bring the parchments"), 5. Make enemies (! Most books on singleness would not go this far, but I think he is right... following Jesus will typically cause one to make enemies...), 6. Forgive (2 Timothy 4:14, etc), 7. Be courageous, 8. Rest (trust in God's sovereignty)

Next, he presents 7 principles on dating, which are excellent. 1. The importance of prayer. 2. The importance of clarity - explaining to the other person what are your intentions and where you are emotionally at various points in time so they're not guessing. 3. The importance of autonomy- the danger of becoming 'exclusive' (or physical) in the dating phase (rather than reserving exclusivity for engagement, and all physical until marriage). 4. Similarly, the importance of purity. 5. The importance of graciousness (this one was kind of vague, but basically, act in such a way to try to build up the other person, so that regardless of whether the dating relationship moves toward marriage or not, the other person is helped and bettered through the relationship), 6. The importance of community (friends, counselors, family)... interestingly, all of the examples he shared were of friends exercising 'veto' recommendations, recommending against continuing a harmful relationship. He did not share any examples of friends putting pressure on a person to date a particular someone else... and rightly so, I think, because the latter is much less helpful. 7. The importance of patience in dating ... taking time to get to know someone, seeing them in many, varied, and stressful situations, etc. A few other miscellaneous points of interest - in his chapter on sex, he mentions that conquering temptation requires two things: getting stronger on external boundaries, and softer regarding internal self-condemnation. The latter involves remembering how we have been forgiven by Jesus, accepted and loved perfectly by Him, etc. Both (external fighting and internal reveling) are necessary, whereas most people focus on only one or the other.

Here's an excerpt from his study of Abraham's servant:
"As soon as I say that, I know some of you may be thinking, 'That's easy for you to say, Ben. But what are the odds I'm going to find someone like that? It seems all the good ones are gone.' But I challenge you to adopt Abraham's perspective: the God who leads us will also provide for us. Abraham is a man of faith. This leads me to my next point: trust that the God who saved you can provide a mate for you [*]. Many of us can trust God with a lot of stuff, but when it comes to marriage we're scared to death he's going to do something terrible to us: we'll never meet someone, or if we trust God to provide a husband we will have to wait forever and then the guy will be weird or not at all what we want. So we take it into our own hands, which usually involves trying to dress a certain way, or act a certain way, or say certain things in order to 'catch', 'land', 'bag', or 'win' our mate. As a result, trusting the Lord (with the side effects of joy, peace, and a whole lot more) goes flying out of our lives. Don't be a 'believer' who doesn't believe God will care for you. If you have trusted God with your eternal destiny, you can trust him with your love life."
[*] IMHO, I think he should have added a caveat here, "... if He knows it would be best for you to be married." I.e., God certainly CAN provide. But He has not promised to provide a spouse for most people, and we should not pretend that He has promised this.

Stuart's recommendations on the type of person to look for are excellent (based on Rebekah and Isaac), but they are fairly common-sense, and identical to all the other dating books.

Next, he discusses the engagement period. Regarding indecision and when to pop the question, he has some excellent (though probably controversial!) advice. Excerpt: "... when trying to discern if commitment is present. Does this mean that you will always feel a strong sense of passion? No. What I am about to write here will sound very unromantic, but it is reality. You will be playing the percentages. What I mean is this: if 90 percent of the time you feel confident they are the one for you, that is a good sign. Our emotions rise and fall throughout the day. No one has a single, sustained emotional experience every minute of the day. That means there will be moments you feel indifferent about the love of your life. ... My question is, how many moments of the day are filled with thoughts like that? ... Now if four or five out of every ten thoughts about him or her are, 'Eh, I don't know if this is going to work', then don't get married!..." This helpfully "de-spiritualizes" the decision-making process, IMHO.

He has several helpful suggestions. He suggests that before engagement takes place, a serious conversation or set of conversations related to confession should happen... e.g., explaining all the secrets and baggage and stuff from one's past. There should be no big secrets between the couple, before engagement. He also suggests that engaged couples should carefully consider the finances (budget, savings, giving, etc), and discuss with the parents to show that they are financially ready for marriage. He also suggests that regularly (e.g. once a week) the engaged couple set aside time to avoid talking about the wedding and instead discuss plans for the marriage, and he presents a bunch of discussion questions.

In the section on marriage, he has good advice, and tries to exegete the most important Biblical texts on marriage, e.g. Ephesians 5. He chickens out a bit at one or two spots when trying to explain what "submit" means, but overall he does a good job. He tries really hard to make it palatable for modern ears.

The last section, about ministry together as a couple (Aquila and Priscilla), is excellent (and reminiscent of Francis Chan's book and other books).
I highly recommend this book, as a "general", "overall", "safe to give to anyone", "unique", "up-to-date", "gentle", "Biblical", and wise guide to all four life stages (singleness, dating, engagement, and marriage). I think it would be an excellent book for couples to read together and discuss, and for premarital counseling talks. I think that this one and the recent book "Courtship in Crisis" are the two best books for modern singles to read about the topic of dating. Stuart's book is also worth reading about the topic of singleness.
.
Contested Bones, by Christopher Rupe and John Sanford
This book goes through all the fossil human and ape (and alleged ape-man) bone discoveries (as of late 2017), and discusses their history and morphology. It convincingly shows that there are no transitional forms, between apes and humans. It also discusses the problems with dating of the bones, such as the history of certain bones being re-dated again and again to fit changing external scientific paradigms or political schemes. It also briefly discusses the genetic evidence, which likewise does not support evolution. Instead, the evidence strongly fits and confirms the Biblical account in Genesis, of separate creation of the kinds (human, ape, etc), and the Flood, and subsequent age. This is an excellent book! The research is superb. The tone is gentle and professional. I was sometimes annoyed by the writing style, which was repetitive (often repeating the same point 3 or 4 times in slightly different wording). But I think one can overlook the writing style in view of the excellent research presented. Highly recommended.
.
Behind the Ranges: the story of J.O.Fraser, by Geraldine Taylor
This biography is about an early missionary to China, J.O.Fraser. He was a very godly and talented man, spending lots of time and effort reaching the people in the southwest corner of China with the gospel. He spent lots of time in prayer. The book tells of his successes and failures, various people he mentored, etc. He reached thousands of people with the gospel, and mentored many local churches. His is a life worth studying and emulating, and this is a book worth reading, I think.

Here are two good articles, the first about contentment and the second about marriage.

https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/do-you-wake-up-discontent

https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/matrimony-no-more

Here are some recent book reviews.  For older reviews, see http://tim223.xanga.com/category/book-reviews/

What does the Bible really teach about homosexuality?  by Kevin DeYoung
This is a great book! ... for two reasons.  First, the tone is wonderfully gentle.  Second, it accurately exegetes all the relevant Bible passages about homosexuality (Genesis 1-2, 19, Leviticus 18,20, Romans 1, 1 Corinthians 6, 1 Timothy 1, etc), and shows that the traditional interpretation is the one that most accurately fits the Bible in its textual and cultural context.
Regarding the tone, the author is EXTREMELY respectful, irenic, gentle, and welcoming toward homosexuals, while carefully presenting accurate doctrine.  It briefly answers all the revisionist claims, such as that the prohibitions against homosexual behavior might be directed only against violence (not so, in context), or that the ancients didn't know about 'orientation' and loving monogamous same-sex relationships (on the contrary, they did know about it, even from the time of Plato, hundreds of years before the New Testament.
The book also has a great section answering objections, very gently but thoroughly.  Such as: "The Bible hardly ever mentions homosexuality", "Not that kind of homosexuality", "What about gluttony and divorce?", "The Church is supposed to be a place for broken people", "You're on the wrong side of history", "It's not fair", "The God I worship is a God of love", and "What about same-sex marriage?".
The book also helpfully differentiates between experiencing feelings of same-sex attraction, versus acting on those feelings by engaging in same-sex activity.
This is a good reference book or a good book to give to a homosexual person who is sincerely seeking the truth about what the Bible says.  It is short, and to-the-point.  Excellent.

 
Justification Reconsidered, by Stephen Westerholm
The author critiques the "New Perspective on Paul" (NPP), which over the past 50 years or so has claimed that Paul (author of much of the New Testament of the Bible) when speaking of being "justified by faith" was not concerned with how people could find gr huace and mercy individually for their sins and acquire individual forgiveness, but instead how people (such as Gentiles) could be enter into the "covenant family of God" and acquire the covenant blessings. NPP claims that Paul's Pharisaical and Judaizer colleagues were not teaching 'salvation-by-works' but rather were teaching 'Gentiles-cannot-participate'... and NPP claims that justification is not the immediate announcement that we have been given "righteous"(innocent,holy) legal status before God, but instead NPP claims there is a temporary justification based on our faith which allows participation in the "covenant", then a final "eschatological justification" based on our works which determines whether we enter heaven or hell.  Thus NPP muddies the difference between justification and sanctification, and ends up basically teaching that we are justified by our works.
Westerholm step-by-step and very politely demolishes the NPP claims, going through 1 Thessalonians, 1&2 Corinthians, Galatians, and then Romans, and showing that Paul was indeed concerned about "righteous" as referring to the moral quality opposed to sinfulness (not just the legal status of being "vindicated in court")... Westerholm goes through all the relevant passages, especially Romans, and shows that the NPP claims don't fit the text and context.   Westerholm is gracious to the NPP scholars (N.T.Wright, James Dunn, E.P.Sanders, Krister Stendahl, Douglas Campbell, etc) and points out that many of their applications are still useful and correct (such as the fact that Paul's "salvation by faith" teaching breaks down racial and ethnic barriers to the gospel) despite their doctrine being so wrong. It's a little dense sometimes, but worth reading to the end.

 
The Tyranny of Experts, by Willaim Easterly
In this book the author makes the case that most "development" efforts (aid, relief, etc to poor countries) impose plans made by a small group of 'experts', which end up trampling the actual rights of the poor.  For example, some UN or World Bank group decided that some grand project should be enacted in order to receive aid... the local autocratic dictator of the poor country enforces this by driving out the locals at gunpoint (as actually happened in 2010 in Mubende district in Uganda, for a World Bank-sponsored forestry project - 20000 farmers were evicted).
The author makes the further case that true economic improvement of a nation, or a region, or a city, happens by individuals seeking to improve their own family's situation, by having the freedom to jump into whatever business opportunity they see around them.
This is an excellent, powerful, book... somewhat depressing and somewhat pedantic at times, but with a powerful case.  This would be excellent reading for a discussion group for people who work in development environments in western nations.
The book is generally secular.  Thus it misses out on the fact that the concepts of the rights of the poor only makes sense if they are in fact 'endowed by their creator with' those rights.  The spread of the Gospel would (I think) be the most effective way to help a poor country in a long-term sense.  However, Easterly's points are also well-made.

 
Competent to Counsel, by Jay Adams
The thesis of this book is that you don't need specialized academic training in counseling (i.e. studying Freudian and Rogerian counseling techniques) to be a good counselor.  (Indeed, these approaches typically don't help people,dingfrom what he said.)  Instead, anyone (especially a pastor) who knows the Bible well and is willing to speak the (sometimes hard) truth in love to people can be 'competent to counsel'.  He tells of his own and other pastors' experiences, and shares a lot of techniques.  The main point is getting people to admit their problems, take responsibility, and really want to change (instead of merely considering that they are 'mentally ill', as in, under the influence of something they have no control over).  Then, they can take steps to change the bad habits in their lives.  He speaks of "nouthetic" counseling, which comes from the Greek word "to warn, to admonish".
Nouthetic counselors can counsel both Christian and nonChristian people,... but if I remember correctly, the author correctly implies that counseling of Christians has a special extra success factor. It is important for people to realize how God sees them, and agree with God's perspective (sinners in need of a Savior)... once they see this and come to believe in Jesus Christ they can seek to overcome sinful habits with the power of God's spirit.
This book is filled with practical advice, and is highly recommended to read and consider.  However, it is EXTREMELY politically-incorrect, in many ways, both in the discussion of certain maladies (gender dysphoria and homosexuality are no longer considered undesirable deviations by secular mainstream psychologists/counselors), and in the method of counseling (he advocates a little bit of listening and asking probing questions, then advancing practical steps to solve the relationship or other problems, beginning even as soon as the first session, in sending home "homework" / practice steps for the client to do before the next session).  If a client cannot be helped in 8 sessions or so (often even less), there is likely something that they are hiding or unwilling to let go of, which means that they cannot overcome their symptomatic problems.
This book is 30 or 40 years old.  One thing I would wish for is a modern edition, updated with knowledge as of 2016, especially for today's hot issues (including research and anecdotes from Mark Yarhouse, Sam Allberry, Wesley Hill, Rosaria Butterfield, etc).

Here are four recent book reviews.  (Visit this link for all my book reviews http://tim223.xanga.com/category/book-reviews/ )

The Art of Neighboring, by Jay Pathak and Dave Runyon
This is a great book, about reaching out to build friendships with neighbors, and ultimately show not only the love of Christ to them, but possibly also eventually share the specific message (gospel) of Christ with them too.  The book points out that we often don't know our neighbors.  It shares the importance of knowing them, and provides practical ideas for getting to know them.  It talks a lot about our attitude... loving, respectful, not arrogant (willing to ask/receive help from neighbors)...  How to overcome fear... etc.  It has a lot of stories from their own experiences in Denver. It also has good advice for relationships in general, such as their chapters on establishing boundaries, and forgiveness, and focusing on specific 'people of peace', etc.  Interesting ideas for group neighborhood fellowship: outdoor movie nights, picnics, block parties.  Recommended book!

True Love Dates, by Debra Fileta
This is a fairly typical Christian dating advice book.  It gives all the standard and common-sense (if sometimes cliche) Christian dating & relationships advice.  She organizes her points as follows: 1. Date inward (get to know yourself), 2. Date outward (get to know other people), and 3. Date upward (cultivate your relationship with Jesus Christ).  Point #1 was the most unusual... she recommends spending plenty of time, money, energy, effort, etc in getting to know oneself.  She has a section in chapter 12 called "Jesus can't be your boyfriend" in which she inveighs against the commonly-given Christian advice that Jesus ought to satisfy all romantic longings.  However, she tends to get very close to doling out that same advice herself, in many places.  It is a hard line to walk correctly, because she's right - God did design most people for marriage relationships, but marriage will never ultimately satisfy.  Overall I partially recommend this book... it is fairly good and might be helpful to some people, especially those who have not read other Christian relationship books.

Rid of My Disgrace, by Justin and Lindsey Holcomb
This book is about sexual assault, and in particular a Christian counseling response to it.  It starts by giving stats/etc about sexual assault (and helping victims to name/recognize it for what it was), then spends several chapters talking about the shame, guilt, disgrace, etc that victims usually feel, including real life stories.  Then there are some chapters at the end about God's grace as shown in the Old Testament and New Testament.  Overall this is a good, balanced, book (including both the psychological/counseling perspective and the Biblical perspective).  I think this might be worth using as a discussion starter in counseling someone who has been hurt.  Here's an excerpt from the chapter called "Mandy's Story."  " [7 years afterward]....I began to see the fullness of the evil done against me.  Progressively, as the magnitude of the evil grew in my awareness, it was amazing for me to realize that God is even bigger. .... Following Him through that dark valley and resting in His real promises rather than my own ideas became the true healing that I needed.  I came to know the true God, sovereign over all, who is ultimately good.  And I was his daughter, cherished and loved by him even in the midst of being raped.  When I reached that point, my heart was soft toward God, and I asked him what else he had for me.  I remember driving to work saying, "Is there more, here?" And that's when it hit me.  I saw their faces.  I saw the men who raped me and felt a surprising compassion towards them.  I began to cry out for them, "God save them." Just as I was an enemy of God in need of reconciliation, so they need to be reconciled by the blood of Christ.  I wept for them for quite a while and still often find myself tearing up on their behalf, wishing that I could see them face-to-face and tell them of a great God who is bigger than their harmful acts of violence, who loves them to the point of crushing his own Son to deliver them from death.  This forgiveness was a miracle.  I have found freedom in loving them with the love of Christ.  My anger, bitterness, resentment, escape, numbness, denial, self-pity, or any other response is not capable of removing their sin.  Nothing but the blood of Christ will pay their debt.  And so I can look back on that night, recognizing the fullness of the pain God counted me worthy to suffer, and also to look on it with the joy of knowing my God in a more intimate and magnificent way.  It has become a mark of God's help in my life, a place where he ordained healing for me ......."

Shame Interrupted, by Edward Welch
This is a fascinating book.  It is a thorough, 300-page, study of shame (and honor & healing).  What is shame?  (there are several types... due to our sin or due to our weakness/inadequacy... foisted upon us by others or imposed upon ourselves... etc)  Why do we feel it?  What are the sources?  And especially, how did/does God address and 'interrupt' and heal our shame, in various different ways, throughout the Bible?  Very unusual book in terms of writing style, but worth reading, perhaps even studying in a group together.  It is not just for counselors or counselees... I think everyone could benefit.
Quote: (p. 151-2)
"You have known fractures and enmity in relationships, and sometimes you feel helpless to do anything about them.  At other times you don't want to do anything about them.  But if you have known God's power in such a way that you, an outcast, have been accepted, you will want to invite others to peace with God and peace with other people.
"Peacemakers renounce violence and vigilante strategies. They renounce them even at the level of their imaginations. They don't wish evil on others in private but play nice in public.  It sounds impossible, especially if you have had an enemy.  But it makes complete sense when you remember that you were an outsider and an enemy when Jesus brought you in and said, "Peace to you."
"How you actually function as a peacemaker is not always easy to determine.  But we know this: shamed people feel powerless, and what could be more powerful than being an agent of peace in the midst of war?  What could be more powerful than disarming someone with love?  Peacemaking is, indeed, an honorable profession.
"If anyone knows shame, it is the wife of a cocaine addict. Her husband chose a drug over her. A drug - not even another human being. Now add the accessories of betrayal- the lies, empty promises, lost jobs, mysterious disappearances of her jewelry, all done in full view of family and friends. Peace seemed impossible, but she knew God's peace and she always looked for opportunities to express it.
"After a few months of his sobriety, she had a sense that he had gotten high, so she asked him about it.  Apparently, he had made some changes because this time he told her the truth, even though he knew it might cost him what was left of his marriage. 
"He could never have predicted her response: 'What will we do about this?'
"'We!' Peacemakers pursue unity in relationships. They think in terms of 'we', not only 'you.'
"It was the last time he got high, and that was ten years ago.
"Peacemaking is a powerful and honorable profession, indeed.
"Yet peacemakers are not always successful. Neither peacemaking in general nor a kingdom lifestyle in general will always win you points with others. In other words, the way of honor is not by expert peacemaking but by being connected to the King.  ......."

Here are some more good links to read about singleness and marriage, to add to my previous collection ( http://tim223.xanga.com/2015/02/08/singleness-collection-of-articles-and-links-february-2015/  )... I'll probably keep adding to this until around Feb 14, when I'll link it from Facebook (perhaps), since no one reads this blog by itself anymore without a link from Facebook.

https://wendywidder.com/2016/10/14/good-and-more-good/

http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/06/happily-ever-after/372573/

http://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/communication-and-conflict/are-you-kind-to-your-husband

http://www.desiringgod.org/articles/my-dream-singleness

http://www.desiringgod.org/articles/you-don-t-have-to-get-married-to-be-happy

http://www.desiringgod.org/articles/my-wedding-was-supposed-to-be-today

https://world.wng.org/2013/06/what_ex_gay_men_can_teach_us_about_marriage

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https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/singleness-was-a-curse