(Visit this link for all my book reviews http://tim223.xanga.com/category/book-reviews/ )

Why God Calls Us To Dangerous Places, by Kate McCord
This is a beautiful, thought-provoking book, interwoven with stories from her experiences of 9 years in Afghanistan.  Why do we go (or support those who go)?  Primarily, because God loves those people, and His love begins to transform us so that we begin to love them too.  She has great insights about loss, PTSD, ministry burnout, etc... great insights on how to rest in God and be at peace when all around you comes crashing down, when your friends die (or are murdered), when you are threatened, etc.  When terrorists plot to attack us and do attack us, may our heart be that described in this book.  So far opposite from "let's nuke them all", let our heart instead be, "Who will go to tell them about the love of Jesus?"  See also my previous review of her (excellent) book "In the Land of Blue Burqas".

The 5 Love Languages, by Gary Chapman
You've probably heard of this book, even if you haven't read it.  I finally got around to reading it.  I was afraid that it was going to be oversimplistic... but it was not.  His main point is that people experience 'feeling loved' in very different ways (words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch), and that husbands and wives need to learn how to speak the other's love language.  He explains how he 'discovered' each one by various conversations with his clients (he is a professional counselor).  He includes lots of stories, including about those whose marriages were falling apart.  He is a Christian, but keeps most of the book 'generic' and secular... until the last chapter or so, when he explains about Christ's love.  Excellent, worth reading, overall.

The Secret Thoughts of an Unlikely Convert, by Rosaria Champagne Butterfield
This is the true story of how a very liberal and atheistic woman found Christ.  She explains her journey into identifying as a lesbian, and her journey to become an English professor at Syracuse University, teaching Gay and Lesbian Studies.  She happened to become connected with a caring Christian, who took the time to invite her to dialog regularly about matters of faith over dinner with himself and his wife.  Through this friendship, she reevaluated Christ and the Bible, and eventually came to believe in Christ.  This began to massively change her lifestyle, as she chronicles.  Later in her life, she became married, became an adoptive/foster mom, and homeschooled her children.  This is a beautiful, well-written, testimony... well worth reading.

The Verbally Abusive Relationship, by Patricia Evans
This book discusses relationships (primarily husband-wife) where one person (typically, but not always, the husband) verbally abuses the other person.  Most of the book is focused on description (and true stories).  She categories all people as holding to either a "Power-over" mindset or a "Personal power" mindset, which is rather simplistic, but there is some value in the distinction.  (The "Power-over" mindset perfectly describe the consequences of the Fall that the Bible discusses in Genesis 3:16.)  Chapter 11 and 12 have some great, helpful, advice on how to respond to abuse in a way that will hopefully cause the abuser to notice the problem and begin to change.  Basically, 'set limits'/'boundaries' in your own mind before the abuse happens (for example, 'I will not allow him to yell at me', or 'I will not allow him to demean me'), and then if it happens, respond forcefully 'Cut it out', or 'I will not accept that sort of speech', or, walk away.  In cases of physical abuse, of course, flee.  Chapter 13 on recovery is also good.  Convicting for all to read, and helpful if (/when) we have friends going through this type of marital stress, to be able to provide support and counsel.  Worth reading (or at least skimming, chapters 1, 11, 12, 13).  However, sadly, it is completely secular... so unable to discuss the powerful wisdom from Ephesians, etc.  Eggerichs' "Love and Respect" is more helpful in this area, and also even "For Men Only"/"For Women Only" by the Feldhahns (even though the latter mostly restrains itself to secular points).

And the Word Came With Power, by Joanne Shetler and Patricia Purvis
Powerful true story(ies) of how the Bible was translated for the Balangao people in the Philippines.  She shares many stories from her life there.  Especially powerful were all the times when God brought about events that she thought were catastrophic, but actually turned out for the best.  She prayed for the salvation of her host family for a LONG time, and nothing happened.  But eventually, they became believers in Jesus, and became powerful proponents of the gospel.  Also fascinating to hear about the confrontations between the evil spirits and the Spirit of God in the Christians.  Highly recommended book.

The Post-Church Christian: dealing with the generational baggage of our faith, by J. Paul Nyquist and Carson Nyquist
This book very well exposes and airs the reactionary complaints that millenials have against the 'institutionalized', 'tradition-bound', 'organized-religion', 'overprotective', 'cultural-christianity', 'anti-homosexual', 'judgmental', 'overly-political', 'hypocritical', Church (as they consider it).
Unfortunately, the response that J.Paul Nyquist tries to give to his son is rather weak.  He basically says 'try to be understanding to us (the older Christians), give us the benefit of the doubt, cut us some slack, understand our historical context'.  But our response should be to go back to Jesus, that iconoclastic, 'have you never read the scriptures' Man.
Typical paragraph from the book: "Thirty years ago, the American evangelical church member would never dream of being caught in a bar. Today, churches are being planted there. Amid the social environment found in pubs, we see opportunities to express the hope of Christ to those who enjoy a pint as they talk about life."
Their main takeaway points: don't give up on the church.  Increase authenticity, yes, sure, fine.  Remove excessive linkages between "God and country", sure.  Remove unbiblical legalism, yes by all means.  But don't throw out the Church - it has an important God-given function.   With this point, I agree.

You and Me Forever, by Francis and Lisa Chan
The Chans discuss marriage in this book, but first, they discuss putting Jesus at the center and top priority of one's life.  That is their main point... to stop focusing so much on marriage or singleness, and focus more on the kingdom of God in whatever station of life.  Since they are themselves married, it comes across as slightly tone-deaf to the struggles singles have, however, their bracing 'focus on Jesus'/'put His kingdom first' message is important and needed and overall Biblical.  They make much of Paul's instructions in 1 Cor. 7, and other passages.  They also generally live out what they preach, enhancing their message's impact.  Good book, a little strident at times, but worth reading and pondering.

Seven Marks of a New Testament Church, by David Alan Black
Excellent short book (only 50 pages).  He talks about these "7 marks"- Evangelistic preaching, Christian baptism, apostolic teaching, genuine relationships, Christ-centered gatherings, fervent prayer, sacrificial living, based on Acts 2.

Tactics, by Gregory Koukl
Excellent book.  When people hear of 'tactics' in the context of apologetics, most millenials are turned off because they assume it's about manipulation and argumentation, which they want to avoid.  Instead, Koukl presents ways of using questions to turn around conversations that start out with someone asking you a hostile question related to your faith, so that you can expose the deeper beliefs underlying the question, and move into a respectful, healthy, dialog.  This book is worth reading over and over, and practicing its contents, not for the purpose of manipulation, but for the sake of truly loving our neighbors, and helping them find out the awesome truth about Jesus.

From Heaven He Came and Sought Her
This book is a collection of essays about Particular Atonement ("Limited Atonement").  It thoroughly covers the historical views of the Church in the past centuries, and then gets into the Scriptural/theological discussion.  It's a tough, slow, closely-reasoned read, but worth slogging through.

The Genesis Account, by Jonathan Safarti
This is a scientific and theological commentary on Genesis 1-11.  It is a very thorough, even, solid, well-documented, well-reasoned, and objective commentary.  As a reference book, it's not for light reading (some of Sarfati's other books like "Refuting Evolution" or "Refuting Compromise" are easier to read), but it's well worth slowly reading.  It covers all the major scientific evidences for/against various age theories of the earth and evolution, and all the current and past hermeneutical interpretations of Genesis 1-11.  Excellent.

Cold Case Christianity, A Homicide Detective Investigates The Claims of the Gospels, by J. Warner Wallace
This is an awesome book.  It focuses on whether the gospel accounts (Matthew, Mark, Luke, John) about Jesus are accurate or not.  The author was an atheist until his thirties, and a homicide detective who specialized in solving cold cases (unsolved crimes from decades past).  When he began to investigate the gospel accounts, he realized that they have all the marks of true eyewitness accounts.  This book covers the same historical facts as many other apologetics books (Josh McDowell, etc), but is extremely well-written, and with a fresh perspective.

Debating Darwin's Doubt, edited by David Klinghoffer
This book is basically a collection of online articles written as back-and-forth debate followup to Steven Meyer's "Darwin's Doubt".  It discusses the major objections of all the critics, and offers rebuttal.  It is a little hard to read, and a little repetitive, but overall a good, very solid and thorough, rebuttal of the critics' arguments and confirmation that Meyer's basic point was correct: the sudden appearance of Cambrian animals in the fossil layer cannot be explained through Darwinian/neoDarwinian evolution, nor through any other non-intelligent materialistic causes.  An Intelligent Designer is the proper inference to the Cambrian fossil record.

Here are some more recent book reviews.  For more of my reviews, see here http://tim223.xanga.com/category/book-reviews/

• The Dating Manifesto, by Lisa Anderson  - I was somewhat disappointed in this book, but I think my expectations were too high.  Most of her advice is relatively good, common-sense advice.  However, there is very little that is new in here.  It is more like a 'rant', to be honest, although one with reasonable advice, overall.  Advice like 'stop seeking THE ONE', 'give some trusted friends veto power over your relationships', the importance of getting off the couch watching TV in the basement and growing up / becoming more mature / getting involved in the church, etc.
  Having recently read (and reviewed) Thomas Umstattd's book about dating which came out the same day (August 1, 2015), I was interested to hear the advice from a single female perspective. Lisa Anderson is 43, and has worked at the Christian singles magazine "Boundless" (part of Focus on the Family) for many years.
  Her writing style is to point out extremes on two sides, and rail against them with witty language.  "Don't be like THIS, but on the other hand don't be like THIS either."  Unfortunately, I did not find this helpful, because everyone knows to avoid those extremes.  I was looking for info that was practical, that I could use in my own life.
  Sometimes her advice seems to be contradictory.  For example, in one place she writes:

"I'm always puzzled by guys who say they're waiting for God to bring their wives to them, or at the very least they're waiting for God to point them out.  Um, when did that ever happen in the Bible, except maybe for Adam?  In the stories I read, men are going to wells to find their wives or they're enlisting family members to assist in the search or they're letting women glean in their fields after discerning their reputation and marriageability. ... Your search needs to begin with a healthy amount of prayer to align your attitudes and expectations.  Then you figure out who's in your circle.  Because that's the most logical place to start.  Observe the habits and character of the single women you know.  Interact with them if you can, whether in class, at church functions, volunteer opportunities, or whatever.  You don't need their complete history, just an idea of what they're about.  Remeber, you date to find out the rest.  Then the simple but hard part: ask one girl out.  Just do it."

But on the other hand, she wrote in another place:

"One other word for both men and women on the matter of friendship: I hear many singles, primarily those who are in mixed-gender groups that socialize a lot together, say that they are hesitant to date folks in their sphere of acquaintance because they don't want to ruin the friendship.  This is so lame.  By the time you're out of college, your opposite-sex friend group should be dwindling.  Because, quite frankly, you don't have time to invest in all those people.  Furthermore, if you're afraid to risk dating one or more of those friends because you fear things becoming awkward if it doesn't work out, you're eliminating a highly eligible pool of dateable people.  Do you really need all those opposite-sex friends?  Nope.  If you're marriage-minded, what you need (and want), is a spouse.  So don't make those friendships a priority.  If you do, you'll be ten years down the road with an unwieldy gaggle of friends but no spouse in sight."

Of course, one could justify each of those passages, explaining how each one fits different circumstances.  But it seems to me that they directly conflict with each other.  How do you begin by looking for someone "in your circle", if you don't spend time building the circle of friendships in the first place?  On the other hand, what if you invest energy in building a circle of friends of both sexes, but still don't find in your circle a person of the opposite sex that you want to marry?

I would say, "keep building the circle bigger."  I suspect Lisa might agree, since in Chapter 10 she talks about all the time she pours into her friend circle.

On the topic of compatibility, she writes that men's standards for physical beauty/appearance of a potential wife are too high.  She cites approvingly articles by Scott Croft (such as "Brother, You're Like a Six") that tell guys that they should build friendships or dating relationships with godly girls that they are not physically attracted to, and then (implies Scott) they will gradually come to find the girl attractive enough to marry.
(I tend to disagree... Perhaps she's right about 'men in general', but I certainly wouldn't want her telling me that I have acted inappropriately regarding the particular women in my circle whom I have decided not to pursue because I'm not attracted to them.  It's nothing against those women.  I have extremely high respect for some of my godly female friends whom I am not attracted to.  However, I don't think I should try to marry them if I am not attracted to them.  Perhaps some other man will find them perfectly attractive.)  In another place, she writes:
"What else needs to happen in your search?  Well, you need to start paring down your marriage "must-haves" list.  Whether it has fifty or five hundred items on it, you need to get it down to about five.  They are:
*Is a true disciple of Jesus (someone in whom you see evidence of real Gospel transformation as outlined in the Bible)
*Is actively growing in his or her faith (no long-term stagnation or stall-outs)
*Is in a position to marry (time to get that job, guys!)
*Is humble and teachable
*Is someone who has a similar calling or whose calling you can join"

Two items missing from Lisa's list, which I think are profoundly important, are (6) physical attractiveness (to me) and (7) personality compatibility / chemistry / natural friendship affinity / shared interests.  There are gazillions of single Christian women I know who fit Lisa's five points, but don't fit my two additions, and hence I am still single.

Other items:
- I agree with her critiques of online dating.
- I agree with much of her advice to married people on how to help singles
- I agree with her point "it's ok to grieve", the chapter about the difficulties of being an older Christian single
- I strongly agree with her point of "Trust God" and His sovereignty (Chapter 11 and other places).  God is wise and loving.  He knows what we need, and will providentially provide it at the right time.

• The Meaning of Marriage, by Tim (and Kathy) Keller - Excellent book! Top quality (as are all TK books I've read), highly recommended.  He discusses many aspects of marriage (from his sermons preached for his church which has hundreds of singles, in NYC).  He shares candid stories of moments from his own marriage.  In particular, he discusses how to handle conflicts, how to avoid idolatry, etc.  It's written with lots of explanatory and persuasive text for the unbelieving reader, i.e. why is marriage better than cohabitation, etc... so while TK does quote the Bible, he also quotes lots of secular sources.  He reasons as if he was dialoging with secular philosophers about marriage, sometimes. So this book would be good reading for a nonChristian also.
  My favorite aspect of this book is how TK keeps bringing every topic back around to showcase the value of Christ... often at the end of each chapter.

• Beautifully Flawed, by Shari Rigby - Powerful, great, book.  She shares her life story, of how she experienced many painful relationships, seeking for love in the wrong places... and then eventually came to know God.  Shari is the actor who played "Cindy Hastings" in the movie "October Baby", the birth mother of the main character who had the abortion, and then was later forgiven by the main character.  Shari herself had an abortion at one point in her life. The point Shari makes at the end of her book is that God can redeem anyone... and that the mistakes and flaws in our lives are part of the story that God is weaving.
  Extended quote from her final book chapter:
  "As my journey continued and I rededicated my life to Christ, my story began to take on a new shape... I now wanted to grab ahold of each person I met and tell them, 'You can be loved and cherished.  You have a purpose. You are worthy, beautiful, unique, and different all at the same time because you were purposefully created by a Savior that loves you!'
  "Our Savior is a man who came to die for us, to leave His words of truth, to tell the story of a real leading man, an example for other men to follow, who treats women like the leading ladies they are.
  "Just as a roller coaster has many ups and downs, twists and turns, so has the pathway of my life.  Even when it seemed like I was about to fly off the tracks, I was given another chance to get back on the straight and narrow, to make better choices and continue on with purpose.
  "I began to identify myself as a leading lady to the Lord, and I'm so thankful He never gave up on me. Instead He continued to pursue me as a gentleman, allowing me to come to Him in my time, to eventually love Him with all my heart.  He redeemed me and showed me what real love looks like.
  "As I end this book, I want you to know that no matter what has happened in your life, you can still get out of the boat, walk in freedom, and carry out the unique purpose you were created for."

• The Gospel's Power and Message, by Paul Washer
  This book is basically a polemic against various forms of "shallow evangelical presentation of the gospel".  Paul carefully and step-by-step discusses different aspects of the gospel, quoting a lot of Scripture.  He emphasizes man's sinfulness, God's wrath against sin, and also discusses the other more commonly heard aspects such as God's love.  He correctly distinguishes between justification and sanctification, and presents the 'balanced' position of Reformed/Lordship Salvation while at the same time not neglecting the necessity of faith ("saving faith") on the part of the saved sinner.  He writes that justification is by faith alone (not of works in the slightest), yet at the same time, true faith will always produce works.  Basically, this book has a lot of excellent doctrinal thought.
  Unfortunately, it has a rather judgmental tone, lamenting on almost every page that 'too many preachers ignore this' or 'few churches mention this any more.'  If these statements could be removed, this book would be easier to read and would have a more powerful and unalloyed message.

Let me know if you have thoughts on these things!

Here are some books read over the past year or so... For more of my reviews, see here http://tim223.xanga.com/category/book-reviews/

Courtship in Crisis: the case for traditional dating, by Thomas Umstattd, Jr. - (The following is written about a pre-publication copy that I had the privilege of reading) - This is a fascinating book.  He explains that he was excited by "courtship" when Joshua Harris' book "I kissed dating goodbye" came out in the 1990s (weren't we all), but explains some problems he encountered in his life with the courtship approach.  By contrast, his grandmother explained that in her generation, she was encouraged to date many guys in a casual (no sex) way, and this method apparently worked well for her generation.  In our generation, Umstaddt says, our "Modern Dating" approach has not worked well (marriage rates are falling and divorce rates are high).  Umstattd has some great thoughts in this book.  I think it's well worth reading, for everyone... supporters of courtship/betrothal, nonChristians who date for hookups only, and especially Christians who are desiring to follow Jesus in purity but who are confused about how to go about finding a spouse.

 
A Relentless Hope: Surviving the storm of teen depression, by Gary Nelson. - He shares the story of how his own son went through years of severe depression, anxiety, and anger (all the while while Gary was pastoring and counseling others).  He shares honestly about how tough it was, and some things he learned regarding how to parent a depressed child ("just keep loving them"), and some things that were helpful (Prozac, and also, focusing on fighting together with the child against "it" (depression)).  I don't necessarily agree with all of his parenting actions (I definitely disagree with the idea of letting your son sleep with his girlfriend), but who am I to judge?... and Nelson has definitely been through a lot bigger struggle in his situation than I have.  Some things can definitely be learned from this true story of his family's situation.  This story also resonates with me as some of my friends have faced the heartache of having a family member commit suicide.  How do you respond?  As a friend, quiet support and prayer would seem to be the best (not 'advice').  As a griever, (as Job in the Bible and as Tim Keller's book "Walking with God through pain and suffering" well discusses), at first we struggle with God and ask 'why', but eventually we are able to trust Him, even though we may never 'understand' (on this side of heaven).

 
Yawning at Tigers: You can't tame God, so stop trying, by Drew Dyck. - This is basically a book about God (in the same genre as "Knowing God" or "Crazy Love" or other books)... it makes the point that God is big and powerful and owes an apology for his actions to none of us (God is "transcendent")... and at the same time God cares about us and knows us individually (God is "immanent").  He shares about things he has learned from seminary and from time overseas in various countries (e.g. Albania).  His main point, that we should not underestimate God, is good, but the book itself is such a piecemeal, scattershot, postmodern-style, 10-different stories/anecdotes-per-page collection that it's hard to keep his main point in mind.  I suppose he would be a fascinating person to have a conversation with, but his book seems a bit disorganized.

 
Ordinary: sustainable faith in a radical, restless world, by Michael Horton - the theme of this book is that American Christians have tended to focus on "extraordinary", "novel", "transformative", "high-intensity", "experiential" aspects of the Christian life, whereas the life God wants us to live is stable, peaceful, and 'ordinary'... going to church regularly, building relationships with neighbors/coworkers/friends, reading our Bible every day, etc.  Horton complains that there is too much focus on "the one thing that you're missing in your Christian life", and not enough of the standard things, especially Christ himself.  The book is good, and that one point is well taken, although the book can get a bit repetitive and cliche and arguing against straw-men arguments sometimes.  It is, perhaps, a reaction against books by many authors (such as David Platt and Francis Chan) which are themselves reactions against the 'american dream' version of Christianity.. the prosperous life.  Horton emphasizes that discipleship is long-haul, line-upon-line, and that the Christian life should be one of contentment and walking with God daily.

 
United: Captured by God's Vision for Diversity, by Trillia J. Newbell - A personal account of how she (a black woman) grew up amid the pressures of racism in America, and came to Christ, and has since grown in her understanding of the ideal goal for which we Christians should be aiming in the area of racial diversity.  She explains that there were some personal friendships/relationships (with a Christian caucasian woman and a Christian chinese woman) that really helped her in many ways, so she makes the point that it is these individual relationships that are what is most helpful in overcoming racism in America. It is a great read overall.  She cites John Piper and his book "Bloodlines", and Thabeti Anyabwhile in his insistence that 'there is no such thing as race'.  It is a bit redundant... the latter half of Newbell's book is a bit repetitive from the former half of the book.  It is fascinating to me that she basically takes the exact opposite perspective as Michael Emerson (I previously reviewed his book, "Divided by Faith")... he says that although white evangelicals think that personal relationships will eventually fix the problems, he claims that NO, there are "systemic injustices" which must be fixed politically, and relationships won't fix that.  I think Newbell would say that the relationships would fix the systemic injustices, in time... and I agree with her...  Newbell also writes about "finding her identity in Christ rather than in her race," and overcoming certain feminist ideas...  which I think are some of the best parts of her book.  Good book overall, worth reading.

 
The Myth of Junk DNA, by Jonathan Wells - A short book showing how the evolutionary myth of "junk DNA" has hindered biology.  A bit technical occasionally, but overall written at a nice level for everyone, and worth reading!

 
The Mysterious Epigenome - Thomas Woodward and James Gills - This book attempts to convey the great discoveries of the past decade in the area of epigenetics (how acquired traits can be passed down directly from parents to children without going into the genome).  The book attempts to reach both young people and adults by using a "let's tour the cell in a submarine" analogy/story.  Unfortunately, it misses both demographics... the story is too advanced for children to understand, and the detail sidebars are too corny and surfacy for adults.  I hope this same material can be given a different treatment in a different book some day, to put the same content into a different, more readable style.  For example, the readable style of Stephen Meyer ("Darwin's Doubt", "Signature in the Cell") is much more accessible for all levels, although it is very wordy/verbose/lengthy.  But the book might be worth reading once, just because the epigenetics info is so fascinating.

 
The Spirit of the Disciplines, Richard Foster - This book discusses various spiritual disciplines (and the importance of them).  It's a good book, and it briefly touches on the big danger of spiritual disciplines (they can make people trust in the disciplines rather than in Christ for their justification!)... I wish it hit that message much harder and more repeatedly... that would make it a "safer" book for people to read.  There is a balance... between those who emphasize "free grace" and those who emphasize "spiritual disciplines"... I wish they would read each other's books...

 
The Finish Line, by D. Creson - a short book with stories and vignettes surrounding the acceleration of Bible translation, and the fact that within a few decades all the ethnic groups of the world might have the Bible in their own language... Jesus said "the gospel will be preached to all the nations (ethnic groups), and then the end will come", so this underscores that the end of the world is getting close.  It is an interesting, quick read.  Unfortunately, Wycliffe (who D. Creson works for) has capitulated in the area of creating Muslim-friendly Bible translations which replace "son of God" with other inaccurate terms, due to pressure from certain linguistic consultants.  I hope they change their ways so that we can support them again in the future.

 
The Insanity of Obedience, by Nik Ripken - a continuation of the story from his first book "The Insanity of God", but this book was not nearly as good because it often sounded so harsh, strident, and judgmental... i.e. the message seemed to be one of anger toward American Christians because they are living too-comfortable lives... rather than understanding that God calls different people to different ministries and our job is not to judge.

 
The Live Dead Journal, edited by Dick Brogden - a powerful collection of devotional readings and meditations, mostly by people who are missionaries to muslim areas of Africa.  Each devotional is powerful and challenging and thought provoking.  The title summarizes the message - we should live "dead" to our own desires, focused on Christ's kingdom.  Well worth reading multiple times. It can get a little preachy sometimes though, in a postmodern 'reactionary' kind of way.  It's worth reading at least once, and probably would be good for a discussion with other people.

 
God's Double Agent, by Bob Fu and Nancy French - Bob tells the fascinating story of how he grew up in communist China.  He was a very strong communist in college, organizing other students.  Then some events caused him to shift somewhat in his beliefs.  His girlfriend who became his wife was a strong influence on him over the years.  He happened to meet some Christians, and over a long time of studying, eventually came to Christ.  His life after that was much more difficult.  He escaped to the USA in 1997.  This is a great true story.  It has many moments of heartbreak.  It helped me understand Chinese struggles better... especially two aspects: the pressure to not disappoint one's parents (Bob's interaction with his amazing, loving, disabled, father is a thread of heartbreak throughout this book and similarly throughout many Chinese people's lives), and the pressures of Asian marriage (in particular, the tension between Bob's desire to help persecuted Christians, and the need to take care of and protect his own family... such as the pressure of having the phone often ring in the middle of the night with info about persecuted Christians needing help).  The good news is that the story is not finished... he is still alive and walking with Jesus, in Texas.

 
Babylon, by Peter Herder and Benji Nolot - This book examines what Revelation says about the wicked city, "Babylon"... it is not just a city, it is a world system... that started back in the Garden of Eden at the fall of man, and continues to break forth throughout history... in the modern days, as Revelation predicts, it is tied in with human trafficking and slavery.  This is a very unusual book in its style, but the basic points seem to be valid.  They make an interesting speculation at the end about whether the 'final Babylon' might be an actual physical city as a representative (they even suggest one city), or whether it refers to the whole anti-God world system.  Worth reading.

What to do when your wife shafts you?  When your wife disrespects you in public and private, hurts you emotionally, talks about divorce, lies about you to other people, and generally does not fulfil her marriage vows that she made to you?

For a Christian husband, there is only one option.

Keep on loving her.

"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body."
Ephesians 5:25-30

The command to husbands is unconditional: "love your wives".  It does not say "love her IF she treats you well".

The word for love here is "agape" love - unconditional love, choosing to put the other person's needs above your own.  It is not romantic love or "warm feelings" love.  Marriages always start out with warm romantic feelings, and there always comes a point after a few months or years where those feelings vanish, and things get hard.  At that point, the husband who is following Christ must "choose to keep loving (agape) his wife", even though he doesn't feel like it.

Christian husbands are to love their wife "as Christ loved the church."  Does Christ give up on us (the Church) when we sin?  Does he say, "I'm not going to love you any more! You have hurt me too much!"  No, he continues to love, forever.  Consider how much you and I have sinned.  Are we innocent?  But Jesus forgives us every single day, of so much more wickedness than the wife has done to you.

At this point, someone will say, "But Tim, you don't understand!  She has said SO many hurtful things to me!  She has lied so much about me to other people!  She has hurt my reputation permanently!  She has done so many bad things to me!  I just can't keep on loving her.  It's impossible."

My response is that the Bible's commands to Christian husbands are not conditional.  They apply just as much when the wife is hard to love.  That's where the rubber meets the road.  That's where the true manhood rises up...  the true spiritual strength... to follow Christ and obey His command even when it hurts.

What about the past?  Forget about the past.  Each day is a new day.  A new chance to 'turn over a new leaf' and show love to your wife.  If she doesn't respond, keep doing it.  Keep showing love to her every way you can, even if she rejects you every day for the rest of her life, and even if you don't feel like it.  Why?  The reward Christ will give you when you see Him is huge and eternal!

"Behold, I am coming quickly, and My reward is with Me, to render to every man according to what he has done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the first and the last, the beginning and the end." -- Jesus Christ, Revelation 22:12-13

"Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus."
Philippians 3:13-14

Here are some good articles about singleness, dating, romance, etc.  I loosely categorized them below.  I also listed some of my own articles in the mix - the ones listed from xanga.com.   I hope these are helpful and a blessing to you.  I am not an expert, but one thing I know - Jesus Christ is worth everything.

Foundational reminders about eternity, and the theological significance of our singleness

• http://www.desiringgod.org/articles/for-single-men-and-women-and-the-rest-of-us  - great reminder about eternity.
• http://www.desiringgod.org/sermons/sex-and-the-single-person  - from John Piper, great practical points at the end of this link (though with caveat from me on #8)
• http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/20-quotes-on-loneliness  - good quotes from Paul Matthies on loneliness and singleness, with testimony
• My articles: http://tim223.xanga.com/2011/10/17/true-love-sex-purity-and-jesus-christ/  and http://tim223.xanga.com/2010/06/24/700/  (marriage is momentary)  and http://tim223.xanga.com/2009/02/14/625/  (singleness will not be forever)

 Articles exhorting to use the current single life to its fullest

• http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/love-the-single-chapter-of-your-life  - use this "single chapter" as a gift, to do what ministries are too difficult for marrieds/families to do and to do what we ourselves may be unable to do in the future
• http://www.boundless.org/adulthood/2011/dont-waste-your-disappointment - from Elizabeth Adams
• http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/nine-lies-in-the-not-yet-married-life  - reminders to focus on developing character now, not then.
• http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/single-satisfied-and-sent-mission-for-the-not-yet-married
• http://www.patheos.com/blogs/thoughtlife/2014/04/david-platt-dont-squander-your-singleness/

More 'testimonial'-type articles

• http://www.worldmag.com/2014/12/wrestling_with_god  - testimony written by Sophia Lee in Los Angeles, well said.
• http://cbmw.org/uncategorized/the-god-who-knows-the-end-of-your-singleness/  - good testimony by a 37-year old single.
• http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/the-single-man-s-journey-to-sexual-happiness  - Idolatry vs satisfaction in Jesus.  Easy to say, completely true, hard to live.
• Mosab Hassan Yosef, talking about his life as a new Christian in Los Angeles, in the final few minutes of The Green Prince documentary
• My articles: http://tim223.xanga.com/2007/10/14/763/  - a great quote from Ann Kiemel Anderson , http://tim223.xanga.com/2008/11/14/634/  - "thy Jesus can repay from His own fullness all He takes away" , http://tim223.xanga.com/2008/06/20/726/  - "Love and Respect" - for singles? , http://tim223.xanga.com/2008/04/22/735/  - "Affections of the heart cannot simply be removed, they must be replaced."   "God's School of Maturity" – http://tim223.xanga.com/2008/02/04/742/ and http://tim223.xanga.com/2008/02/16/741/ and  http://tim223.xanga.com/2007/10/21/760/ and http://tim223.xanga.com/2008/10/27/638/ and http://tim223.xanga.com/2007/09/22/768/ and http://tim223.xanga.com/2009/02/17/623/

Practical/how-to articles regarding dating/courtship/living-amidst-peer-pressure-as-a-single/etc

• This article has a great mixture of all of the above, including the theological foundations: http://www.desiringgod.org/articles/10-questions-on-dating-with-matt-chandler
• http://www.relevantmagazine.com/life/relationships/things-its-ok-feel-when-youre-single   - great empathy, written by Paul Maxwell, for those of us who receive much advice... he also well describes the distrust and disdain we singles sometimes receive from others.
• http://www.thomasumstattd.com/2014/08/courtship-fundamentally-flawed/  and http://www.thomasumstattd.com/2014/08/courtship-fundamentally-flawed-qa/  - Thomas Umstattd's infamous and very thought-provoking posts from August 2014, which he is now turning into a book “Courtship in Crisis”, available June 2015... it's mostly about the cons of courtship and the pros of the older methods of dating, so it's more focused on "methods" than on "fundamental underlying principles and rationales."  But he describes the pros and cons of courtship very vividly.
• A set of excellent articles by Elisabeth Adams about singleness: http://www.boundless.org/adulthood/2013/odd-man-out  and  http://www.boundless.org/relationships/2012/whats-a-guy-to-do   and http://www.boundless.org/adulthood/2015/when-i-fear-the-future
• http://goodguyswag.com/how-to-pray-for-your-future-wife/
• https://bible.org/seriespage/lesson-8-practical-advice-singles-1-corinthians-7
• http://www.thomasumstattd.com/2015/02/kissing-sex-jesus-flavored-bubblegum/ a more recent post by Thomas Umstattd, about the gospel, purity, sex, etc.
• http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/when-the-not-yet-married-meet-dating-to-display-jesus  - some tips on dating from a single man - somewhat oversimplified, but might be helpful.
• Set of 3 articles on dating in USA, from World Magazine: http://www.worldmag.com/2011/05/christian_boy_meets_christian_girl   http://www.worldmag.com/2011/05/a_man_s_world   http://www.worldmag.com/2011/05/refocused
• My articles:  http://tim223.xanga.com/2009/10/25/555/  - "my thoughts about relationships with girls" AND "tactics I've found helpful" , http://tim223.xanga.com/2009/04/20/things-i-learned-from-my-first-and-only-romantic-relationship/ , http://tim223.xanga.com/2007/07/06/788/  - links about courtship, http://tim223.xanga.com/2010/06/08/702/  - this one is more about church life than about dating, but slightly relevant

This is an interesting article about 'courtship'.  By 'interesting', I'm not saying I agree with it, nor that I disagree with it... it is simply 'interesting' for now...

http://www.thomasumstattd.com/2014/08/courtship-fundamentally-flawed/

Several good articles for today:

http://www.touchstonemag.com/archives/article.php?id=27-03-035-f (Lunatic, Liar, Lord.. or Legend)

http://teampyro.blogspot.com/2014/05/of-leprechauns-mermaids-and-loving.html (Leprechauns, Mermaids, and Loving Homosexual Couples)

http://hipandthigh.wordpress.com/2014/05/01/evaluating-old-earth-responses-to-young-earth-arguments-1/ and http://hipandthigh.wordpress.com/2014/05/09/evaluating-old-earth-responses-to-young-earth-arguments-2/

http://www.patheos.com/blogs/thoughtlife/2014/04/david-platt-dont-squander-your-singleness/ 

http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/hope-for-the-despairing-heart

Here's a good video about a true love story.

http://vimeo.com/38033654

Here's a great article to ponder for Friday!

http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/nine-lies-in-the-not-yet-married-life

My dearest wife;

God, by His holy will, has prolonged my prison sentence to five years and four month. I very much long for the day that I will be reunited with you my dear wife, our children and God's people in the church.

My dear, listen to me; not only as a wife, but also as a Christian woman who has come to understand who God is and how deep and mysterious His ways are. Yes! I love you, I love the children and I would love to be free in order to serve God. But, in here, God has made me not only a sufferer for His Name's sake in a prison of this world over which Christ has won victory, but also a prisoner of His indescribable love and grace.

I am testing and experiencing the love and care of our Lord every day. When they first brought me to this prison, I had thoughts which were contrary to what the Bible says. I thought the devil had prevailed over the church and over me. I thought the work of the gospel in [country] was over. But it did not take one day for the Lord to show me that He is a sovereign God and that He is in control of all things - even here in prison.

The moment I entered my cell, one of the prisoners called me and said, ‘Pastor, come over here. Everyone in this cell is unsaved. You are very much needed here.’ So, on the same day I was put in prison, I carried on my spiritual work.

My dear, the longer I stay in here, the more I love my Savior and tell the people here about His goodness. His grace is enabling me to overcome the coldness and the longing that I feel for you and for our children. Sometimes I ask myself, ‘Am I out of my mind? Am I a fool?’ Well, isn't that what the apostle had said, ‘Whether I am of sound mind or out of my mind, it is for the sake of Christ.’ (2 Cor. 5:13)

My most respected wife, I love you more than I can say. Please help the children understand that I am here as a prisoner of Christ for the greater cause of the gospel.

(originally posted in 2010)

-- a recent letter from a Christian in prison in an African country...

see http://members.opendoorsusa.org/site/MessageViewer?em_id=45641.0&dlv_id=0 and http://www.opendoorsusa.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=86&Itemid=17