For you have heard of my former manner of life in Judaism, how I used to persecute the church of God beyond measure and tried to destroy it; and I was advancing in Judaism beyond many of my contemporaries among my countrymen, being more extremely zealous for my ancestral traditions. But when God, who had set me apart even from my mother's womb and called me through His grace, was pleased to reveal His Son in me so that I might preach Him among the Gentiles, I did not immediately consult with flesh and blood, nor did I go up to Jerusalem to those who were apostles before me; but I went away to Arabia, and returned once more to Damascus.  (Galatians 1:13-17)

 

Twenty years ago I was a young boy, lying in bed around 10pm, listening to a radio program called Open Forum as I often did at that time.  Each night the host of the program would answer questions about the Bible from people who called in.  At the end of many conversations, the host would often exhort the callers to make sure that they had received God's gift of salvation from their sins.

I had grown up in a big Baptist church.  I had been a missionary kid in Africa.  My parents had read the Bible to me every night for years.  I knew all the sunday school answers and could ace every Bible quiz.  I was proud of my Bible knowledge.  

I knew that "all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God".  I knew that "the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life" because of the sacrifice Jesus had made for sins.  I knew that it was important for every person in the world to ask Jesus to save them and "come in to their heart", taking up His residence as King.  I knew that if a person disbelieved or rejected Jesus, that person would end up in Hell forever.

I had raised my hand twice before in Vacation Bible Schools, when they told us a prayer to repeat and said "raise your hand if you want to accept Jesus as your Savior".  Afterward they talked to me and told me that if I really meant the prayer, then I was saved.  But I wasn't sure, or didn't fully understand.

But this night, suddenly, the choice was right in front of me and the way forward was clear and exciting.   Asking Jesus to save them was something that everyone needed to do;  I had never done it;  why not do it at that moment?

So I did.  Afterward I immediately got out of bed and wrote down on a piece of paper "I became a Christian at 10:00pm November 29th 1989."  I was happy!   I didn't need to be afraid of death or Hell any more, because I was now a Christian and I was on my way to heaven!  For the first time, it wasn't just "Jesus died for sinners", but "Jesus died for ME."

I now know more.  I know that I understood almost nothing about salvation twenty years ago.  I had no way of knowing how to "count the cost" of following Jesus.  I didn't realize that it was God who was drawing me to Himself.  I had no idea of all the skeptical questions about Christianity which would wrestle in my mind over the next decades.  I had no idea of the depths of sin and evil in my heart. 

But fortunately, God is the one who saved me (and all of us who believe in Him).  I didn't save myself.  He had "set me apart" from eternity before the world was even created, and then at just the right time He "called" me and "opened my heart to believe" in Him.  Since that time He has been preserving, growing, protecting, teaching, disciplining, and wooing me.

I am still happy...  so extremely happy about Jesus Christ!   Thank you Lord Jesus for everything You have done for me, everything You are doing for me, and everything You are currently preparing for our awesome eternal future together with all of your redeemed ones.

 

    How blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven,
Whose sin is covered!
How blessed is the man to whom the LORD does not impute iniquity,
And in whose spirit there is no deceit!
When I kept silent about my sin, my body wasted away
Through my groaning all day long.
For day and night Your hand was heavy upon me;
My vitality was drained away as with the fever heat of summer. Selah. 

    I acknowledged my sin to You,
And my iniquity I did not hide;
I said, "I will confess my transgressions to the LORD";
And You forgave the guilt of my sin. Selah. 

    Therefore, let everyone who is godly pray to You in a time when You may be found;
Surely in a flood of great waters they will not reach him.
You are my hiding place; You preserve me from trouble;
You surround me with songs of deliverance. Selah. 

    I will instruct you and teach you in the way which you should go;
I will counsel you with My eye upon you.
Do not be as the horse or as the mule which have no understanding,
Whose trappings include bit and bridle to hold them in check,
Otherwise they will not come near to you.
Many are the sorrows of the wicked,
But he who trusts in the LORD, lovingkindness shall surround him.
Be glad in the LORD and rejoice, you righteous ones;
And shout for joy, all you who are upright in heart.

 

Check out this passage once again:  how awesome it is:

^{1 Corinthians 7:29-31}
"But this I say, brethren, the time has been shortened, so that from now on those who have wives should be as though they had none; and those who weep, as though they did not weep; and those who rejoice, as though they did not rejoice; and those who buy, as though they did not possess; and those who use the world, as though they did not make full use of it; for the form of this world is passing away."

It is easier to "weep as though you were not weeping" when you are simultaneously struggling to "rejoice as if you were not rejoicing", I've found...    how about you?   It's easier when you have emotions pulling at you from both sides, not just the "sad" side or the "happy" side...    But of course God's call here remains the same whether it is easy or hard...

...because we have such a GREAT JOY set before us...

"Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." Hebrews 12:1-2

...and because we are "just passing through" this world temporarily...

"For here we do not have a lasting city, but we are seeking the city which is to come." Hebrews 13:14

"Life is short.   Love her well."

If one believed that one's life with one's wife was only going to be a couple decades, say 50 years, and then that was it... no more marriage to her or anyone else, ever again, for all of eternity....    only one "short" chance to display the example/model/emulation/showcase of Christ's love for His Church, to a cynical world....

If one further believed that one's life with one's wife was going to be VERY VERY short because in view of the path their lives were taking, they would soon be placed in situations where she was going to be taken away from him...  either in sickness/death, or by prison walls, or by kidnapping and being sold as a slave/concubine, never to be heard from again....  and that the same bereavement would soon happen to one's children...   Granted that one had the courage to actually marry if those beliefs were held....

What would that husband's love look like?

Here is my current general mindset about girls, described briefly below with some theological thoughts/tactics at the end.   (I'm not sure how typical my mindset is among Christian American single men my age... I suspect it's somewhat atypical, but I'd be interested to hear more from you readers, especially those who are in the same situation I'm in.  Of course, the important thing is what God thinks about our attitudes, not what other humans think).   My mindset has been shaped by many people and circumstances, including Jonathan Lindvall's, John Piper's, and Joshua Harris' teachings, much advice from many counselors, past personal relationships, and observation of many other couples.

All girls fall into one of three categories.  A girl is either (1) someone you're not attracted to, or (2) someone you're attracted to but for some reason believe it is not God's will for you to pursue in marriage, or (3) someone you're attracted to and believe it is God's will for you to pursue in marriage.  Furthermore, each category can be further subdivided into whether you sense that she is attracted to you or not-- (a) she is not attracted to you, (b) she is attracted to you.   Attraction can of course be subdivided too - sometimes it's only physical, sometimes it's only personality, sometimes it's only character/maturity/godliness, and usually it's a mixture of these.  (For now I'll ignore this distinction, in the text below.)

So then:

(1a) If you're not attracted to her and she's not attracted to you: You can "relax" completely around these girls, and share more freely about things you're going through, your thoughts/desires/hopes, etc.  An amusing but surprisingly populous subset of this category is of those girls who somehow think that you're attracted to them when you're actually not.  Typically they evince noticable coolness toward you in an attempt to 'turn you off'.  From my perspective, it's just plain annoying.  But there's nothing one can do about it, except keep being 'normally friendly', etc.  It's harder than you might think to "try to be normal".     And of course people tell you to "stop trying so hard", but of course that simply means "try to stop trying so hard", and it's easier said than done...

(1b) If you're not attracted to her but she's attracted to you:   You need to be VERY CAREFUL in your interactions with her, to avoid being "overly friendly" / to avoid sending signals which she'd interpret as interest in her and thus contribute to causing her to stumble / breaking her heart.  It's a tight balancing act, fraught with constant failure, to be friendly but not too friendly, all for the sake of showing long-term agape-love toward her / looking out for her best interests.

(2a) If you're attracted to her but she's not attracted to you and God has made it clear to you that you are not to pursue her in marriage:  You need to be VERY CAREFUL in how much time you spend with her, in what situations, etc.  You need to try to keep an IRON GRIP on your own heart.  Usually this comes out in "avoidance", slight "gruffness", and overall general uncomfortableness/awkwardness when you're around her.

(2b) If you're attracted to her AND she's attracted to you but somehow and for some reason God has made it clear to you that you are not to pursue her in marriage: you need to be EXTREMELY EXTREMELY CAREFUL in your interactions, to not send signals of interest (despite the internal attraction), and keep an IRON GRIP on your own heart, to put an immediate end to any germinating thoughts of a future relationship.  This manifests in reduced time spent with her, strained conversation, etc.  Again, the reason you're intentionally putting distance into the relationship is for her long-term best interests...  you're commissioned with the protection of her heart for her future husband or for a future life of productive singleness.

(3) If it was someone God was commanding you to marry, of course, you'd pursue this girl as long as His commandment was in effect, regardless of whether she sent encouraging feedback or not (although of course God sometimes uses such feedback as part of His will-clarifying process).  And of course, if marriage were to ensue, once the marriage vow is made, agape-love toward her is enjoined for the rest of your lives regardless of how the "attraction" waxes or wanes.

Typical percentages for me, of all the girls my age in my life: (1a): 30%, (1b): 20%, (2a): 40%, (2b): 10%.

 

Tactics I've found helpful:  (for a born-again-through-Christ single man who desires to please God by implementing pure relationships, whether or not marriage ever comes)

1.  Schedule intentional time to spend with godly families with children.   This alleviates loneliness, helps to restore 'normalcy' and sanity, and provides interesting opportunities to observe 'what works' and 'what doesn't work' in child rearing and spousal relationships. It also has potential to help the family too.

2.  Develop the mental habit of constantly forcing the girls in one's field-of-view or life-situation into the Biblical categories.  For example: 1 Timothy 5:1-2 "Do not sharply rebuke an older man, but rather appeal to him as a father, to the younger men as brothers, the older women as mothers, and the younger women as sisters, in all purity."   So all girls would be considered as either "wife" or "non-wife", and "non-wife" would be those I ought to appeal to as "mothers" or as "sisters".   Don't allow the slightest hint of romantic affection to creep into any "non-wife" relationship, and if it ever creeps in, repent as soon as you notice it and ask Christ to help you eliminate it.
Another important passage: 1 Thessalonians 4--
 2For you know what commandments we gave you by the authority of the Lord Jesus.
3For this is the will of God, your sanctification; that is, that you abstain from sexual immorality;
4that each of you know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor,
5not in lustful passion, like the Gentiles who do not know God;
6and that no man transgress and defraud his brother in the matter because the Lord is the avenger in all these things, just as we also told you before and solemnly warned you.
7For God has not called us for the purpose of impurity, but in sanctification.
8So, he who rejects this is not rejecting man but the God who gives His Holy Spirit to you.
Following Lindvall, I think the word "defraud" in verse 6 is quite enlightening.  Anything that takes romantic affections away from those who rightfully own it (one's own potential future wife, or another woman's husband or future husband) is stealing and should be avoided.

3.  In the specific case of (1b) if a married woman seems attracted to you, be "on guard" and avoid excessive friendliness and be ready to follow Joseph's example of "fleeing" if/when necessary (regardless of the outcome!).  Remember that what she really needs is Christ (or more-of-Christ, if she already has Him), and that God is watching you, whether you will be faithful in protecting her marriage, or not.

4.  In cases (2a) and (2b), if you sense that your attraction to them is causing you to be constantly "losing the battle" of treating them "normally"/"sisterly" when you spend time around them, seriously consider/pray about not spending that time!  Separate yourself; do whatever it takes to facilitate holiness.  Change your lunch hour, find a new job, move to a different church, move to a different state, whatever.  If you think that sounds too radical, consider this statement:
"If your hand or your foot causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it from you; it is better for you to enter life crippled or lame, than to have two hands or two feet and be cast into the eternal fire. If your eye causes you to stumble, pluck it out and throw it from you. It is better for you to enter life with one eye, than to have two eyes and be cast into the fiery hell."
The speaker, of course, is Jesus Christ, in Matthew 18.

5.  Trying to "abstain" from affectionate relationship is only a very temporary fix.  The ultimate solution is more and deeper satisfaction in Christ.  That is to say: "idols of the heart cannot be removed; they can only be replaced." Consider: "...seeing that His divine power has granted to us everything pertaining to life and godliness, through the true knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and excellence. For by these He has granted to us His precious and magnificent promises, so that by them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world by lust." (2 Peter 1:3-4)
How do we escape this "corruption that is in the world by lust"?  Through the "knowledge of Him" and through His "precious and magnificent promises".
How does this work?  What does it look like?  As far as I can tell, it means focusing on heaven.   That is, focusing on the soon-coming time when we will be fully satisfied, forever, by Christ Himself and everything He will give us / show us / etc.   When you do this, many people (even many close Christian friends) will tell you you're focusing too much on heaven and ought to instead be focusing more on earthly happiness.    IGNORE THEM.  God's opinion of you is all that matters.

6. Along the same lines, spending time ALONE in prayer with God and spending time MEDITATING on His Word seem to be great practical helps in this realignment of our desires.   Jesus apparently did it a lot.

7. Recognize that serious misunderstandings from others will inevitably come as you try to pursue pure relationships.  Unsaved people will think you're nuts for not trying to get "as much as you can squeeze" out of  relationships with girls.  Christian people will constantly try to match you up with girls, tell you you ought to get married, tell you there's something wrong with you, etc.  Also on the other side-- you will hear rumors that girls think you're weird, etc.  People will gossip behind your back about how you're sexually perverted, either homosexually or heterosexually, and 'that's why you're not married'.  Husbands will ask you not to spend time alone with their wives because their wives feel uncomfortable around you.  All these things, and more (cf. Joseph in Egypt!!) may come upon you.  BUT, you can be prepared to do two things: Forgive everyone for everything (i.e. let God do the judging and repaying), and, focus your attention on what God thinks about you, not what other people think about you.

The other day I was struck by the frequency in the Bible in which God says, "do not fear!" to His people.  He is the consummate Shepherd to us fearful and faithless sheep.  The best of all Husbands to us worried and clingy Bride.  And He loves us, and His power is infinite.  "He works all things according to the counsel of His will" (Ephesians 1) and "it is [His] good pleasure to give [us] the Kingdom."

So here is a list, taken from some computer searches, of "fear not" type passages in the Bible.  Most of these were given to specific people in the past by God.  Some of them are statements from humans after God had shown them His power and love.   Most of these can be applied directly to us (those of us who are believers/disciples of Jesus Christ)!

Enjoy!!  Revel!!  Chew on these!!

---

Genesis 15:1
After these things the word of the LORD came to Abram in a vision, saying," Do not fear, Abram, I am a shield to you;  Your reward shall be very great."

Genesis 21:17
God heard the lad crying;  and the angel of God called to Hagar from heaven and said to her, "What is the matter with you, Hagar? Do not fear, for God has heard the voice of the lad where he is.

Genesis 26:24
The LORD appeared to him the same night and said, "I am the God of your father Abraham;  Do not fear, for I am with you. I will bless you, and multiply your descendants, For the sake of My servant Abraham."

Genesis 46:3
He said, "I am God, the God of your father;  do not be afraid to go down to Egypt, for I will make you a great nation there.

Exodus 14:13
But Moses said to the people, "Do not fear! Stand by and see the salvation of the LORD which He will accomplish for you today;  for the Egyptians whom you have seen today, you will never see them again forever.

Exodus 20:20
Moses said to the people, "Do not be afraid;  for God has come in order to test you, and in order that the fear of Him may remain with you, so that you may not sin."

Numbers 14:9
"Only do not rebel against the LORD;  and do not fear the people of the land, for they will be our prey. Their protection has been removed from them, and the LORD is with us;  do not fear them."

Numbers 21:34
But the LORD said to Moses, "Do not fear him, for I have given him into your hand, and all his people and his land;  and you shall do to him as you did to Sihon, king of the Amorites, who lived at Heshbon."

Deuteronomy 1:21
'See, the LORD your God has placed the land before you;  go up, take possession, as the LORD, the God of your fathers, has spoken to you. Do not fear or be dismayed.'

Deuteronomy 1:29
"Then I said to you, 'Do not be shocked, nor fear them.

Deuteronomy 3:2
"But the LORD said to me, 'Do not fear him, for I have delivered him and all his people and his land into your hand;  and you shall do to him just as you did to Sihon king of the Amorites, who lived at Heshbon.'

Deuteronomy 3:22
'Do not fear them, for the LORD your God is the one fighting for you.'

Deuteronomy 7:18-19
you shall not be afraid of them;  you shall well remember what the LORD your God did to Pharaoh and to all Egypt:
the great trials which your eyes saw and the signs and the wonders and the mighty hand and the outstretched arm by which the LORD your God brought you out. So shall the LORD your God do to all the peoples of whom you are afraid.

Deuteronomy 20:1
"When you go out to battle against your enemies and see horses and chariots and people more numerous than you, do not be afraid of them;  for the LORD your God, who brought you up from the land of Egypt, is with you.

Deuteronomy 20:3
"He shall say to them, 'Hear, O Israel, you are approaching the battle against your enemies today. Do not be fainthearted. Do not be afraid, or panic, or tremble before them,

Deuteronomy 20:8
"Then the officers shall speak further to the people and say, 'Who is the man that is afraid and fainthearted? Let him depart and return to his house, so that he might not make his brothers' hearts melt like his heart.'

Deuteronomy 31:6
"Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid or tremble at them, for the LORD your God is the one who goes with you. He will not fail you or forsake you."

Deuteronomy 31:8
" The LORD is the one who goes ahead of you;  He will be with you. He will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed."

Joshua 8:1
Now the LORD said to Joshua, " Do not fear or be dismayed Take all the people of war with you and arise, go up to Ai;  see, I have given into your hand the king of Ai, his people, his city, and his land.

Joshua 10:8
The LORD said to Joshua, "Do not fear them, for I have given them into your hands;  not one of them shall stand before you."

Joshua 10:25
Joshua then said to them, "Do not fear or be dismayed! Be strong and courageous, for thus the LORD will do to all your enemies with whom you fight."

Joshua 11:6
Then the LORD said to Joshua, " Do not be afraid because of them, for tomorrow at this time I will deliver all of them slain before Israel;  you shall hamstring their horses and burn their chariots with fire."

Judges 6:23
The LORD said to him, "Peace to you, do not fear;  you shall not die."

1 Samuel 12:20
Samuel said to the people, "Do not fear. You have committed all this evil, yet do not turn aside from following the LORD, but serve the LORD with all your heart.

1 Kings 17:13
Then Elijah said to her, "Do not fear;  go, do as you have said, but make me a little bread cake from it first and bring it out to me, and afterward you may make one for yourself and for your son.

2 Kings 6:16
So he answered, "Do not fear, for those who are with us are more than those who are with them."

2 Kings 19:6
Isaiah said to them, "Thus you shall say to your master, 'Thus says the LORD, "Do not be afraid because of the words that you have heard, with which the servants of the king of Assyria have blasphemed Me.

1 Chronicles 22:13
"Then you will prosper, if you are careful to observe the statutes and the ordinances which the LORD commanded Moses concerning Israel. Be strong and courageous, do not fear nor be dismayed.

1 Chronicles 28:20
Then David said to his son Solomon, " Be strong and courageous, and act;  do not fear nor be dismayed, for the LORD God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you nor forsake you until all the work for the service of the house of the LORD is finished.

2 Chronicles 20:15-17
and he said, "Listen, all Judah and the inhabitants of Jerusalem and King Jehoshaphat: thus says the LORD to you, 'Do not fear or be dismayed because of this great multitude, for the battle is not yours but God's.
'Tomorrow go down against them. Behold, they will come up by the ascent of Ziz, and you will find them at the end of the valley in front of the wilderness of Jeruel.
'You need not fight in this battle;  station yourselves, stand and see the salvation of the LORD on your behalf, O Judah and Jerusalem ' Do not fear or be dismayed;  tomorrow go out to face them, for the LORD is with you."

2 Chronicles 32:7
"Be strong and courageous, do not fear or be dismayed because of the king of Assyria nor because of all the horde that is with him;  for the one with us is greater than the one with him.

Nehemiah 4:14
When I saw their fear, I rose and spoke to the nobles, the officials and the rest of the people: "Do not be afraid of them;  remember the Lord who is great and awesome, and fight for your brothers, your sons, your daughters, your wives and your houses."

Psalm 3:6
I will not be afraid of ten thousands of people Who have set themselves against me round about.

Psalm 23:4
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for You are with me;  Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

Psalm 27:1
The LORD is my light and my salvation;  Whom shall I fear? The LORD is the defense of my life;  Whom shall I dread?

Psalm 27:3
Though a host encamp against me, My heart will not fear;  Though war arise against me, In spite of this I shall be confident.

Psalm 46:1-2
God is our refuge and strength, A very present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear, though the earth should change And though the mountains slip into the heart of the sea;

Psalm 49:5
Why should I fear in days of adversity, When the iniquity of my foes surrounds me,

Psalm 49:16
Do not be afraid when a man becomes rich, When the glory of his house is increased;

Psalm 56:3
When I am afraid, I will put my trust in You.

Psalm 56:4
In God, whose word I praise, In God I have put my trust;  I shall not be afraid. What can mere man do to me?

Psalm 56:11
In God I have put my trust, I shall not be afraid. What can man do to me?

Psalm 78:53
He led them safely, so that they did not fear;  But the sea engulfed their enemies.

Psalm 91:5
You will not be afraid of the terror by night, Or of the arrow that flies by day;

Psalm 112:7
He will not fear evil tidings;  His heart is steadfast, trusting in the LORD.

Psalm 112:8
His heart is upheld, he will not fear, Until he looks with satisfaction on his adversaries.

Psalm 118:6
The LORD is for me;  I will not fear;  What can man do to me?

Psalm 145:19
He will fulfill the desire of those who fear Him;  He will also hear their cry and will save them.

Proverbs 3:24-25
When you lie down, you will not be afraid;  When you lie down, your sleep will be sweet.
Do not be afraid of sudden fear, Nor of the onslaught of the wicked when it comes;
For the LORD will be your confidence, And will keep your foot from being caught.

Isaiah 8:12
"You are not to say, 'It is a conspiracy!'In regard to all that this people call a conspiracy,And you are not to fear what they fear or be in dread of it.

Isaiah 8:13
"It is the LORD of hosts whom you should regard as holy.And He shall be your fear,And He shall be your dread.

Isaiah 10:24
Therefore thus says the Lord GOD of hosts, "O My people who dwell in Zion, do not fear the Assyrian who strikes you with the rod and lifts up his staff against you, the way Egypt did.

Isaiah 12:2
"Behold, God is my salvation, I will trust and not be afraid;  For the LORD GOD is my strength and song, And He has become my salvation."

Isaiah 35:4
Say to those with anxious heart,"Take courage, fear not Behold, your God will come with vengeance; The recompense of God will come,But He will save you."

Isaiah 41:10
'Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God I will strengthen you, surely I will help you,Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.'

Isaiah 41:13
"For I am the LORD your God, who upholds your right hand,Who says to you, ' Do not fear, I will help you.'

Isaiah 41:14
"Do not fear, you worm Jacob, you men of Israel; I will help you," declares the LORD, "and your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel.

Isaiah 43:1
But now, thus says the LORD, your Creator, O Jacob,And He who formed you, O Israel,"Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name;  you are Mine!

Isaiah 43:5
"Do not fear, for I am with you;  I will bring your offspring from the east,And gather you from the west.

Isaiah 44:2
Thus says the LORD who made you And formed you from the womb, who will help you,' Do not fear, O Jacob My servant;  And you Jeshurun whom I have chosen.

Isaiah 44:8
'Do not tremble and do not be afraid;  Have I not long since announced it to you and declared it? And you are My witnesses. Is there any God besides Me, Or is there any other Rock? I know of none.'"

Isaiah 51:7
" Listen to Me, you who know righteousness, A people in whose heart is My law;  Do not fear the reproach of man, Nor be dismayed at their revilings.

Isaiah 51:12-15
"I, even I, am He who comforts you.
Who are you that you are afraid of man who dies,
And of the son of man who is made like grass,
That you have forgotten the LORD your Maker,
Who stretched out the heavens
And laid the foundations of the earth,
That you fear continually all day long because of the fury of the oppressor,
As he makes ready to destroy?
But where is the fury of the oppressor?
The exile will soon be set free, and will not die in the dungeon, nor will his bread be lacking.
For I am the LORD your God, who stirs up the sea and its waves roar (the LORD of hosts is His name).
Jeremiah 1:8
"Do not be afraid of them, For I am with you to deliver you," declares the LORD.

Jeremiah 30:10
'Fear not, O Jacob My servant,' declares the LORD, 'And do not be dismayed, O Israel;
For behold, I will save you from afar, And your offspring from the land of their captivity
And Jacob will return and will be quiet and at ease, And no one will make him afraid.

Jeremiah 42:11
'Do not be afraid of the king of Babylon, whom you are now fearing;  do not be afraid of him,' declares the LORD, 'for I am with you to save you and deliver you from his hand.

Jeremiah 51:46-47
"Now so that your heart does not grow faint, And you are not afraid at the report that will be heard in the land--For the report will come one year,And after that another report in another year, And violence will be in the land With ruler against ruler--
Therefore behold, days are coming When I will punish the idols of Babylon;  And her whole land will be put to shame, And all her slain will fall in her midst.

Jeremiah 30:10
'Fear not, O Jacob My servant,' declares the LORD,'And do not be dismayed, O Israel; For behold, I will save you from afar And your offspring from the land of their captivity. And Jacob will return and will be quiet and at ease, And no one will make him afraid.

Jeremiah 46:27
"But as for you, O Jacob My servant, do not fear, Nor be dismayed, O Israel! For, see, I am going to save you from afar, And your descendants from the land of their captivity; And Jacob will return and be undisturbed And secure, with no one making him tremble.

Jeremiah 46:28
"O Jacob My servant, do not fear," declares the LORD, "For I am with you. For I will make a full end of all the nations Where I have driven you, Yet I will not make a full end of you; But I will correct you properly And by no means leave you unpunished."

Lamentations 3:57
You drew near when I called on You; You said, "Do not fear!"

Ezekiel 2:6
"And you, son of man, neither fear them nor fear their words, though thistles and thorns are with you and you sit on scorpions;  neither fear their words nor be dismayed at their presence, for they are a rebellious house.

Ezekiel 3:9
"Like emery harder than flint I have made your forehead. Do not be afraid of them or be dismayed before them, though they are a rebellious house."

Daniel 10:12
Then he said to me, "Do not be afraid, Daniel, for from the first day that you set your heart on understanding this and on humbling yourself before your God, your words were heard, and I have come in response to your words.

Daniel 10:19
He said, "O man of high esteem, do not be afraid. Peace be with you;  take courage and be courageous!" Now as soon as he spoke to me, I received strength and said, "May my lord speak, for you have strengthened me."

Haggai 2:5
'As for the promise which I made you when you came out of Egypt, My Spirit is abiding in your midst;  do not fear!'

Matthew 1:20
But when he had considered this, behold, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream, saying, " Joseph, son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary as your wife;  for the Child who has been conceived in her is of the Holy Spirit.

Matthew 6:25 ff
25"For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink;  nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?
26"Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they?
27"And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life?
28"And why are you worried about clothing? Observe how the lilies of the field grow;  they do not toil nor do they spin,
29yet I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these.
30"But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you? You of little faith!
31"Do not worry then, saying, 'What will we eat?' or 'What will we drink?' or 'What will we wear for clothing?'
32"For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things;  for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things.
33"But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
34"So do not worry about tomorrow;  for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Matthew 8:26
He said to them, "Why are you afraid, you men of little faith?" Then He got up and rebuked the winds and the sea, and it became perfectly calm.

Matthew 10:26-31
"Therefore do not fear them, for there is nothing concealed that will not be revealed, or hidden that will not be known.
"What I tell you in the darkness, speak in the light; and what you hear whispered in your ear, proclaim upon the housetops.
"Do not fear those who kill the body but are unable to kill the soul; but rather fear Him who is able to destroy both soul and body in hell.
"Are not two sparrows sold for a cent? And yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father.
"But the very hairs of your head are all numbered.
"So do not fear; you are more valuable than many sparrows.

Matthew 14:26-27
When the disciples saw Him walking on the sea, they were terrified, and said, "It is a ghost!" And they cried out in fear.
But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, "Take courage, it is I;  do not be afraid."

Matthew 17:7
And Jesus came to them and touched them and said, "Get up, and do not be afraid."

Matthew 28:5
The angel said to the women, " Do not be afraid;  for I know that you are looking for Jesus who has been crucified.

Matthew 28:10
Then Jesus said to them, " Do not be afraid;  go and take word to My brethren to leave for Galilee, and there they will see Me."

Mark 4:40
And He said to them, "Why are you afraid? Do you still have no faith?"

Mark 5:36
But Jesus, overhearing what was being spoken, said to the synagogue official, " Do not be afraid any longer, only believe."

Mark 6:50
for they all saw Him and were terrified. But immediately He spoke with them and said to them, " Take courage;  it is I, do not be afraid."

Luke 1:13
But the angel said to him, " Do not be afraid, Zacharias, for your petition has been heard, and your wife Elizabeth will bear you a son, and you will give him the name John.

Luke 1:30
The angel said to her, " Do not be afraid, Mary;  for you have found favor with God.

Luke 2:10
But the angel said to them, " Do not be afraid;  for behold, I bring you good news of great joy which will be for all the people;

Luke 5:10
and so also were James and John, sons of Zebedee, who were partners with Simon. And Jesus said to Simon, " Do not fear, from now on you will be catching men."

Luke 8:50
But when Jesus heard this, He answered him, " Do not be afraid any longer;  only believe, and she will be made well."

Luke 10:41-42
But the Lord answered and said to her, " Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered about so many things;
but only one thing is necessary, for Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her."

Luke 12:4-7
"I say to you, My friends, do not be afraid of those who kill the body and after that have no more that they can do.
"But I will warn you whom to fear: fear the One who, after He has killed, has authority to cast into hell; yes, I tell you, fear Him!
"Are not five sparrows sold for two cents? Yet not one of them is forgotten before God.
"Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not fear; you are more valuable than many sparrows.

Luke 12:32
" Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has chosen gladly to give you the kingdom.

John 6:20
But He said to them, "It is I;  do not be afraid."

Acts 18:9
And the Lord said to Paul in the night by a vision, "Do not be afraid any longer, but go on speaking and do not be silent;

Acts 27:24
saying, 'Do not be afraid, Paul;  you must stand before Caesar;  and behold, God has granted you all those who are sailing with you.'

Philippians 4:6
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

Hebrews 13:6
so that we confidently say,"the Lord is my helper, I will not be afraid. What will man do to me?"

I Peter 5:6-7
Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you.

Revelation 1:17
When I saw Him, I fell at His feet like a dead man. And He placed His right hand on me, saying, " Do not be afraid;  I am the first and the last, and the living One; and I was dead, and behold, I am alive forevermore, and I have the keys of death and of Hades.

What cultural values shape your priorities and actions?

I have heard it said that western (european and north american) societies are based on an "Innocence versus Guilt" mentality, wheras eastern (middle-east, far east, and northern africa) societies are based on an "Honor versus Shame" mentality, and that tribalist (southern africa, rural tribes in all other parts of the world) societies are based on a "Strength vs Weakness" mentality.

In many anthropological and missiological circles, this is taken as established fact and rarely questioned.  And there are good reasons to see these basic differences as real.   For example, see this anecdote (http://www.iculturelink.com/pitfalls-for-westerners-in-a-shame-based-culture/) and many other such published anecdotes.

Westerners, so the theory goes, are very concerned with doing what is "right" and avoiding what is "wrong".  Those in Oriental cultures however, says the theory, are more concerned with doing what will bring honor... not only to the person themselves, but to the person's family.  These cultures are more focused on the group / the collective in general, as opposed to more of an individualistic focus in Western cultures.   For this reason the concept of "saving face" is more important in Eastern cultures.

I think there's a fair amount of truth to the generalization.  However, I have a few thoughts.

1. Often these categories are brought out by people who are trying not merely to describe, but to prescribe.
That is, when someone like David Marantz writes his book "Afrian Friends and Money Matters", although they generally try to stay neutral ("this is how an African thinks about friendship"), they sometimes slip into persuasion mode ("these are the problems with how Americans conceive of friendship").
Likewise with these categories.  The persuasion can be mild and innocent, as in trying to help someone understand a non-western culture so as to not offend people when he/she travels there, or it can be subtle/deadly, as when someone suggests that the understanding of the Gospel that emphasizes Christ's substitutionary propitiatory atonement for individuals' sins is misguided and is superseded/overshadowed by the Bible's teaching about ethics and personal morality or the global kingdom-of-God teachings.
In other words, if one is simply pointing out differences between societies, fine.  But if one goes beyond this and indicates that we shouldn't be so focused on guilt/innocence because that's a culturally myopic "Western" perspective on the gospel, I say in response that the Bible itself is our only absolute standard...   And what if, in fact, the Bible has had a historically larger effect on "western" society than on "eastern" society (e.g. when Paul the apostle was directed into Europe by the Holy Spirit rather than into Asia, in Acts 16)?  Our goal is not the average of all cultures, but conformity to the Bible!
Learning about other cultures' subconscious/ingrained values can be helpful in understanding our own cultural glasses, but there is an equal danger of uncritically adopting other cultures' values.  The Bible alone is the perfect truth....

2. Is it really true that the Western value system is "guilt-innocence" based?   I think it might more accurately be characterized as "pleasure-pain" based instead.  In other words, Westerners seem to put highest value on personal pleasure, and avoiding personal pain.  "Doing the right thing" is not quite as important, subconsciously, it seems to me.  Pleasure comes in different forms - money, shopping, technology, entertainment, movies, sex, and most importantly, health...

3. The question is asked by others - how best may the Gospel be wrapped in a presentation that most appeals to the subconscious values of people in different cultures?  Paul talked about "becoming all things to all men so that I might by all means save some", referring to following Jewish cultural traditions when talking with the Jews, Greek cultural traditions when talking with the Greeks, etc.
Missiologists today talk about presenting the Gospel to Oriental Muslims in terms of "Christ the Victor who triumphed over sin and death and the devil and was brought to a position of supreme power and glory by His Father (Philippians 2)".  In other words, emphasize the parts of the gospel that most resonate with the cultural values of the person you're witnessing to.  Missiologists talk of couching the Gospel to tribalists in terms of the absolute power of God who raised His Son from the dead, "since it was impossible for Him to be held captive to it", and His absolute superiority and supremacy over all the evil spirits.  In the New Testament, whenever Christ commanded a spirit to do something, it had to obey immediately.
This understanding of cultural values has some usefulness, since the Bible does talk about these other "perspectives" on the Gospel...   But there are some pitfalls to be careful about.  Eventually the full counsel of God MUST be presented... and before the person 'converts' too! ...or else how will he/she be able to knowledgeably 'count the cost' of following Christ?  If the cost is not understood, there will be many initial converts, but most of them will fall away.
For example, the Oriental Muslim must understand that the way of Christ is characterized by extreme dishonor... "You will be hated by all men on account of My name," said Christ.  They will bring dishonor and shame upon their families.  Christ's own exaltation came after His extreme descent into degradation and dishonor (Philippians 2 again!).  The tribalist must understand that the way of Christ will be accompanied with extreme weakness (2 Corinthians 4).... "My grace is sufficient for you... [My] strength is perfected in [your] weakness..." said God in 2 Corinthians 12:9.

4. Perhaps the way to avoid the pitfalls is to focus on heaven!...
Will Jesus' disciples receive honor?  Absolutely... but it will only surely come in Heaven.  Before that, it will come and go capriciously.  On that day, the honor will come from God Himself.  John 5:44 - "How can you believe, when you receive glory from one another and you do not seek the glory that is from the one and only God?"
Will Jesus' disciples receive power and be "set securely on high" forever (and get to judge the angels)?  Absolutely.  But there will be many valleys of weakness in this earthly life before we finally get there.
Will Jesus' disciples receive "pleasures forevermore"?  Absolutely.  Not here.  There.

5. Perhaps John Piper (known for his teaching of "Christian Hedonism") is a good example of wrapping the gospel in a message that is aimed directly at the pleasure-seeking hearts of Americans (including myself of course).   All his dozens of books are perfused with that thesis:  the eternal pleasures that come from God are eminently WORTH.... anything/everything/putting-Christ-first-and-obeying-Him.

6. I wonder if the cultural values of the so-called "Generation X" or "Generation Next" (the young generation of current Americans and Europeans) might be slightly modified from pleasure-pain....  namely, excitement-boredom.   In other words, having a life that is "fun" and "exciting" and "happening" and "in the center of the action" and "not-out-of-the-loop" might be a cultural value that is pervasive across American youth (and conversely, the thing to avoid at all costs is having a "boring" life).  Similar in some ways to the Roman culture right before they fell.... circuses, gladiators, people thrown to the lions in the Coliseum, etc...
Perhaps this is a slight shift in American cultural values...?  Or perhaps this is just the age factor, and the youth of all cultures would evince more of this than the elders?  But I wonder if the technology of America has exacerbated this trend.... e.g. Hollywood movies, television shows, video games, Facebook, Twitter, etc.

7. And so the challenge to the next generation of American evangelists....  what does the Gospel of Christ have to offer to excitement-hungry teens?   Is there any excitement to look forward to in heaven, that can sustain a disciple of Christ through the boring backwaters of God-focused earthly life?

 

Some thoughts on Lamentations 3.    First, a brief intro.  Then the passage copied and pasted for you to read.   Then some thoughts.  Notice: this is a very long post.   I have kind of a backlog of xanga posts right now... I started this particular post more than a week ago, but haven't had time to finish it until now... and I have a few more things that I wanted to write about but haven't had time to write this week.

-----

Jeremiah was a young man who was called by God to give his nation a message.  He was scared and told God he didn't know how to speak and that he was only a youth.  God told him not to be afraid.

Jeremiah told the inhabitants of Jerusalem to repent, or else God would judge them.  They laughed at him.

Then the Babylonians came and besieged Jerusalem.  Jeremiah told the Jews that they should surrender, for their own good.  Now Jeremiah's neighbors didn't laugh at him anymore.  They called him a traitor.

The king put him in jail, and he was thrown into an empty water pit and almost died by sinking into the mud at the bottom.  He was pulled out just in time by one of his friends.

The Jews sent to the Pharaoh of Egypt for help against the Babylonans, despite Jeremiah's warning (from prison) not to do so.  Their attempt to enlist the Egyptians backfired.  Within a couple months, the Babylonians broke into Jerusalem and horrifically destroyed the city.

Jeremiah was taken with the other captives to Babylon, where he wrote the poetry now known as the book of "Lamentations".   In chapters 1 and 2, he laments specific aspects of the destruction.  In Chapter 3, he gets a little more 'philosophical', drawing some conclusions from what he has learned in his grief.
Lamentations 3, whole chapter

    1 I am the man who has seen affliction
Because of the rod of His wrath.
2He has driven me and made me walk
In darkness and not in light.
3Surely against me He has turned His hand
Repeatedly all the day.
4He has caused my flesh and my skin to waste away,
He has broken my bones.
5He has besieged and encompassed me with bitterness and hardship.
6In dark places He has made me dwell,
Like those who have long been dead.
7He has walled me in so that I cannot go out;
He has made my chain heavy.
8Even when I cry out and call for help,
He shuts out my prayer.
9He has blocked my ways with hewn stone;
He has made my paths crooked.
10He is to me like a bear lying in wait,
Like a lion in secret places.
11He has turned aside my ways and torn me to pieces;
He has made me desolate.
12He bent His bow
And set me as a target for the arrow.
13He made the arrows of His quiver
To enter into my inward parts.
14I have become a laughingstock to all my people,
Their mocking song all the day.
15He has filled me with bitterness,
He has made me drunk with wormwood.
16He has broken my teeth with gravel;
He has made me cower in the dust.
17My soul has been rejected from peace;
I have forgotten happiness.
18So I say, "My strength has perished,
And so has my hope from the LORD."
19Remember my affliction and my wandering, the wormwood and bitterness.
20Surely my soul remembers
And is bowed down within me.
21This I recall to my mind,
Therefore I have hope.
22The LORD'S lovingkindnesses indeed never cease,
For His compassions never fail.
23They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness.
24"The LORD is my portion," says my soul,
"Therefore I have hope in Him."
25The LORD is good to those who wait for Him,
To the person who seeks Him.
26It is good that he waits silently
For the salvation of the LORD.
27It is good for a man that he should bear
The yoke in his youth.
28Let him sit alone and be silent
Since He has laid it on him.
29Let him put his mouth in the dust,
Perhaps there is hope.
30Let him give his cheek to the smiter,
Let him be filled with reproach.
31For the Lord will not reject forever,
32For if He causes grief,
Then He will have compassion
According to His abundant lovingkindness.
33For He does not afflict willingly
Or grieve the sons of men.
34To crush under His feet
All the prisoners of the land,
35To deprive a man of justice
In the presence of the Most High,
36To defraud a man in his lawsuit--
Of these things the Lord does not approve.
37Who is there who speaks and it comes to pass,
Unless the Lord has commanded it?
38Is it not from the mouth of the Most High
That both good and ill go forth?
39Why should any living mortal, or any man,
Offer complaint in view of his sins?
40Let us examine and probe our ways,
And let us return to the LORD.
41We lift up our heart and hands
Toward God in heaven;
42We have transgressed and rebelled,
You have not pardoned.
43You have covered Yourself with anger
And pursued us;
You have slain and have not spared.
44You have covered Yourself with a cloud
So that no prayer can pass through.
45You have made us mere offscouring and refuse
In the midst of the peoples.
46All our enemies have opened their mouths against us.
47Panic and pitfall have befallen us,
Devastation and destruction;
48My eyes run down with streams of water
Because of the destruction of the daughter of my people.
49My eyes pour down unceasingly,
Without stopping,
50Until the LORD looks down
And sees from heaven.
51My eyes bring pain to my soul
Because of all the daughters of my city.
52My enemies without cause
Hunted me down like a bird;
53They have silenced me in the pit
And have placed a stone on me.
54Waters flowed over my head;
I said, "I am cut off!"
55I called on Your name, O LORD,
Out of the lowest pit.
56You have heard my voice,
"Do not hide Your ear from my prayer for relief,
From my cry for help."
57You drew near when I called on You;
You said, "Do not fear!"
58O Lord, You have pleaded my soul's cause;
You have redeemed my life.
59O LORD, You have seen my oppression;
Judge my case.
60You have seen all their vengeance,
All their schemes against me.
61You have heard their reproach, O LORD,
All their schemes against me.
62The lips of my assailants and their whispering
Are against me all day long.
63Look on their sitting and their rising;
I am their mocking song.
64You will recompense them, O LORD,
According to the work of their hands.
65You will give them hardness of heart,
Your curse will be on them.
66You will pursue them in anger and destroy them
From under the heavens of the LORD!

Lamentations 3 again, with interspersed comments

    1 I am the man who has seen affliction
Because of the rod of His wrath.
2He has driven me and made me walk
In darkness and not in light.
3Surely against me He has turned His hand
Repeatedly all the day.
4He has caused my flesh and my skin to waste away,
He has broken my bones.
5He has besieged and encompassed me with bitterness and hardship.
6In dark places He has made me dwell,
Like those who have long been dead.
7He has walled me in so that I cannot go out;
He has made my chain heavy.
8Even when I cry out and call for help,
He shuts out my prayer.
9He has blocked my ways with hewn stone;
He has made my paths crooked.
10He is to me like a bear lying in wait,
Like a lion in secret places.
11He has turned aside my ways and torn me to pieces;
He has made me desolate.
12He bent His bow
And set me as a target for the arrow.
13He made the arrows of His quiver
To enter into my inward parts.
14I have become a laughingstock to all my people,
Their mocking song all the day.
15He has filled me with bitterness,
He has made me drunk with wormwood.
16He has broken my teeth with gravel;
He has made me cower in the dust.
17My soul has been rejected from peace;
I have forgotten happiness.
18So I say, "My strength has perished,
And so has my hope from the LORD."

Jeremiah is here "brutally honest" with his feelings about God in his suffering.  Few places in the Bible are as explicit as this, and even fewer writings of modern American evangelicalism.

Jeremiah emphasizes that it is GOD who has deliberately brought this hardship into his life.  It is GOD who "set me as a target for the arrow".   It didn't just happen.

God, furthermore, "shuts out my prayer".  When Jeremiah asked God for national relief, none came.  Cf. vs 44, 55-56...?  When people asked God to relent on the national calamity, He shut out their prayer.  When Jeremiah asked God for physical deliverance when he was about to die, God answered him.  Yet God doesn't answer all such prayers.  Why the variability?  What principle can be drawn?  Maybe just that God answers some prayers and not others... ?

Why would God allow His own special prophet, the godly man, to suffer in this way?  ...to be mocked by the vulgar people, to experience no peace in his heart, etc?   Why do really bad things happen to God's own people, when they are walking closely with Him in righteousness?
    19Remember my affliction and my wandering, the wormwood and bitterness.
20Surely my soul remembers
And is bowed down within me.
21This I recall to my mind,
Therefore I have hope.
22The LORD'S lovingkindnesses indeed never cease,
For His compassions never fail.
23They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness.
24"The LORD is my portion," says my soul,
"Therefore I have hope in Him."
25The LORD is good to those who wait for Him,
To the person who seeks Him.
What was Jeremiah's consolation in the midst of his grief?  Apparently, the belief that EVENTUALLY, God would turn around and bring peace and honor and joy to his life.  The whole Bible echos this theme repeatedly.   However, for most people this reversal is not promised in this life.

On v. 25, cf. Isaiah 40:31/context.

    25The LORD is good to those who wait for Him,
To the person who seeks Him.
26It is good that he waits silently
For the salvation of the LORD.
27It is good for a man that he should bear
The yoke in his youth.
28Let him sit alone and be silent
Since He has laid it on him.

"It is good that he waits silently....  what does this mean?  "Let him sit alone and be silent."  Is it better to sit alone, when suffering grief, rather than seek the company of friends?

Cf. Jeremiah 15 -

    15You who know, O LORD,
Remember me, take notice of me,
And take vengeance for me on my persecutors
Do not, in view of Your patience, take me away;
Know that for Your sake I endure reproach.
16Your words were found and I ate them,
And Your words became for me a joy and the delight of my heart;
For I have been called by Your name,
O LORD God of hosts.
17I did not sit in the circle of merrymakers,
Nor did I exult
Because of Your hand upon me I sat alone,
For You filled me with indignation.
18Why has my pain been perpetual
And my wound incurable, refusing to be healed?
Will You indeed be to me like a deceptive stream
With water that is unreliable?

There may well be a place for silent isolated endurance of grief.  But perhaps Jeremiah is talking more about the loneliness that occurs when one is concerned about the things of God, and one's neighbors and acquaintances and even family and church friends don't care about God and His Kingdom purposes.  Why God, says Jeremiah, are you pouring out your fury upon me, when I was the one concerned about following You and about righteousness and about my nation while my acquaintances didn't care and just partied?   They all criticized and mocked me, even though "I was called by Your name" and I deeply loved Your Word.  Why me?
    29Let him put his mouth in the dust,
Perhaps there is hope.
30Let him give his cheek to the smiter,
Let him be filled with reproach.
This seems to be talking about "humbling oneself"... even extremely/excessively...  not clamoring for justice for himself, but 'waiting' for God's vindication...

Cf. Jesus -- "while being reviled, He did not revile in return; while suffering, He uttered no threats, but kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously..."  2 Peter 2:23

and Peter's conclusion: "Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time..."  1 Peter 5:6

 

Another powerful example of this is David, when fleeing from Absalom.  Here's the story from 2 Samuel 16-

⁵When King David came to Bahurim, behold, there came out from there a man of the family of the house of Saul whose name was Shimei, the son of Gera; he came out cursing continually as he came.
⁶He threw stones at David and at all the servants of King David; and all the people and all the mighty men were at his right hand and at his left.
⁷Thus Shimei said when he cursed, "Get out, get out, you man of bloodshed, and worthless fellow!
⁸"The LORD has returned upon you all the bloodshed of the house of Saul, in whose place you have reigned; and the LORD has given the kingdom into the hand of your son Absalom. And behold, you are taken in your own evil, for you are a man of bloodshed!"
⁹Then Abishai the son of Zeruiah said to the king, "Why should this dead dog curse my lord the king? Let me go over now and cut off his head."
¹⁰But the king said, "What have I to do with you, O sons of Zeruiah? If he curses, and if the LORD has told him, 'Curse David,' then who shall say, 'Why have you done so?'"
¹¹Then David said to Abishai and to all his servants, "Behold, my son who came out from me seeks my life; how much more now this Benjamite? Let him alone and let him curse, for the LORD has told him.
¹²"Perhaps the LORD will look on my affliction and return good to me instead of his cursing this day."
¹³So David and his men went on the way; and Shimei went along on the hillside parallel with him and as he went he cursed and cast stones and threw dust at him.

 

False accusations.....   how extremely extremely painful they can be.   I have experienced them myself, and several of my friends have also.

Was David "a man of bloodshed" as Shimei said?  Was God punishing David because of his treatment of Saul's family, or because David was somehow 'in cahoots' with violent deeds of his predecessor Saul?  Was David a usurper of Saul's crown, and now God was booting him out because of his past?

There are so many ways David could have responded.  He could have spoken about his extreme respect for his father-in-law Saul, and how he refrained from killing him many times when all his friends were urging him to kill him, and when Saul's death would have made life a lot safer and more pleasant for David.  He could have quoted one of his own psalms about how he habitually walked in integrity and righteousness and honesty before God (confessing and forsaking sins as soon as possible).  He could have quoted the story of Job to illustrate that personal calamity does NOT necessarily mean that the person is being judged for some particular sin.  He could have reminded Shimei that Samuel had personally annointed David king in Saul's place, so that David was indeed God's approved/rightful king.

But David responded instead in complete humility.   "If he curses, and if the LORD has told him, 'Curse David,' then who shall say, 'Why have you done so?'" ...Let him alone and let him curse, for the LORD has told him."

What is going on here?  What is David cognizant of that Abishai was overlooking?

His own sin.    The sins he really DID commit.

That is to say ---  every time someone accuses you falsely of something, you have a choice:  You can either get defensive and upset and try to vindicate yourself, or you take the accusation quietly and use it as an opportunity to personally repent of OTHER sins in your life.  Every false accusation people make against you is an opportunity for you to walk more closely with God!   Wow.

Specifically, in David's case, although he was innocent in Saul's case, he was spectacularly guilty in the case of Bathsheba.  He really could legitimately be labeled "a man of bloodshed", after having slept with Bathsheba and then having killed Uriah by proxy so that he could marry Bathsheba.   After the debacle, Nathan had said the following to him from God:  'Now therefore, the sword shall never depart from your house, because you have despised Me and have taken the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be your wife.'  This had indeed come true - his son Amnon had raped his half sister Tamar, then his other son Absalom had killed Amnon in revenge, and now Absalom had just staged a revolution and deposed him from being king.   David was mindful of his own sin, and so he responded in humility to the criticism.....    essentially, "Yes, I am indeed a very wicked person.  Probably far more wicked than you're even aware of.  Although the specific thing you're accusing me of is incorrect, I have so much other evil in my past and present that it's not worth trying to defend myself here.  The One I am putting all my hope in is God.  He is the One who has forgiven all of my sin through the coming Lamb-of-God-who-takes-away-the-sins-of-the-world (Psalm 32, 51), and He is the One who will vindicate me in this matter you're falsely accusing me of."

Wow.  What an example...  this is exactly what Jeremiah is talking about, albeit back and forth between 'personal' and 'national' senses, in Lamentations 3 --

    25The LORD is good to those who wait for Him,
To the person who seeks Him.
26It is good that he waits silently
For the salvation of the LORD.
27It is good for a man that he should bear
The yoke in his youth.
28Let him sit alone and be silent
Since He has laid it on him.
29Let him put his mouth in the dust,
Perhaps there is hope.
30Let him give his cheek to the smiter,
Let him be filled with reproach.
...
39Why should any living mortal, or any man,
Offer complaint in view of his sins?
40Let us examine and probe our ways,
And let us return to the LORD.
41We lift up our heart and hands
Toward God in heaven;
42We have transgressed and rebelled...
If it ever happens to you that circumstances shatter your life, and then on top of everything some of your friends start to point fingers at you and say that it happened because of such and such a sin in your life (while you know that their remarks are not accurate), and when the gossip causes you to lose friendships and other things that you consider precious, use that as an opportunity to "examine and probe your ways, and return to the Lord."

Sure you may be innocent in that matter that they're falsely accusing you of, but you surely have other sins in your life that need to end!   Sure the Lord is not crushing you in punishment for those sins, but He is graciously crushing you in discipline... 

"He disciplines us for our good, so that we may share His holiness." Hebrews 12:10

"...when we are judged, we are disciplined by the Lord so that we will not be condemned along with the world." 1 Corinthians 11:32
   31For the Lord will not reject forever,
32For if He causes grief,
Then He will have compassion
According to His abundant lovingkindness. 

Huge, awesome promise here!   Again, nowhere does it say that this reversal will happen in THIS life, on THIS side of death.    But EVENTUALLY, it will happen........

    33For He does not afflict willingly
Or grieve the sons of men.
34To crush under His feet
All the prisoners of the land,
35To deprive a man of justice
In the presence of the Most High,
36To defraud a man in his lawsuit--
Of these things the Lord does not approve. 

Well, why do these things happen then????

If God is good and kind so that He does not "approve" these things, and if God is big enough and powerful enough to put a stop to them right NOW, then why doesn't He?

...the fact that evil exists implies either that God doesn't exist (as the atheists argue), OR... that He has some bigger and better plan, such that although the short term brush strokes are heartbreaking (to Himself as well as to us and others), the complete painting will be so awesomely beautiful as to be worth every single stroke.... such that not a single item of earthly life will be desired to have occurred differently, when seen from the perspective of eternity.... such that we might, in fact, indeed be living in 'the best of all possible worlds'.

Lamentations 3:33 is an incredibly important verse.  Is this true?  The implications are huge.

What kind of a Father would send His Son on a mission, knowing that His Son would end up being crucified?

I highly recommend this article "Are there two wills in God?" by John Piper and the book "God's Greater Glory" by Bruce Ware to investigate this point more fully..... how God "unwillingly wills" evil to occur, in a sovereignly-permissive way (yet with 100% meticulous ordained sovereign control, cf. 2 Chronicles 18:19?!?!?!?!)  while in contrast "willingly wills" good to occur... "   Literally in Lam. 3:33 "from-His-heart", as "He does not afflict from-His-heart".... He reluctantly allows evil acts to be performed, ravaging sicknesses to kill, earthquakes, tornados, car crashes, etc (and perfectly using each 'bad' event for overall good, Genesis 50:20), while joyfully "from-His-heart" "willingly" pours out love upon His adopted children "according to His abundant lovingkindness"........

 

More: look at the "spectrum texts":

    37Who is there who speaks and it comes to pass,
Unless the Lord has commanded it?
38Is it not from the mouth of the Most High
That both good and ill go forth? 

Contrary to the sunday-schoolish notion of God as a jolly old guy who chuckles when people have good harvests and get married but wrings His hands and disowns responsibility for wars and tsunamis,  the Biblical God is a robust, energetic, majestic Lion of a Personage who roars with laughter when the tiny squeaking voice of the wicked shrills self-exalting words.... the weeping-and-laughing King who BOASTS repeatedly to His dearly loved people of His sovereign omnipotence....

    "I am the LORD, and there is no other;
Besides Me there is no God
I will gird you, though you have not known Me;
That men may know from the rising to the setting of the sun
That there is no one besides Me.
I am the LORD, and there is no other,
The One forming light and creating darkness,
Causing well-being and creating calamity;
I am the LORD who does all these."    (Isaiah 45:5-7)

One implication of Lam 3:37 is that any human authority that exists has been established by God... Romans 13:1...  As Jesus said to Pilate - "You would have no authority over me unless it had been given to you from above."   This can give us peace if/when the government (or other authorities) abuses its authority.... God sees... He doesn't miss anything...
    39Why should any living mortal, or any man,
Offer complaint in view of his sins?
40Let us examine and probe our ways,
And let us return to the LORD.
41We lift up our heart and hands
Toward God in heaven;
42We have transgressed and rebelled,
You have not pardoned.
43You have covered Yourself with anger
And pursued us;
You have slain and have not spared.
44You have covered Yourself with a cloud
So that no prayer can pass through.
45You have made us mere offscouring and refuse
In the midst of the peoples.
46All our enemies have opened their mouths against us.
47Panic and pitfall have befallen us,
Devastation and destruction;
48My eyes run down with streams of water
Because of the destruction of the daughter of my people.
...
51My eyes bring pain to my soul
Because of all the daughters of my city. 

Jeremiah repents for the sin of his people...  He admits that God's judgment against them was justified... but he still cries over the awfulness of it all...

 

    49My eyes pour down unceasingly,
Without stopping,
50Until the LORD looks down
And sees from heaven.

What is Jeremiah saying here?  I don't quite understand what he's praying for.   Any thoughts?

 
    52My enemies without cause
Hunted me down like a bird;
53They have silenced me in the pit
And have placed a stone on me.
54Waters flowed over my head;
I said, "I am cut off!"
55I called on Your name, O LORD,
Out of the lowest pit.
56You have heard my voice,
"Do not hide Your ear from my prayer for relief,
From my cry for help."
57You drew near when I called on You;
You said, "Do not fear!"
58O Lord, You have pleaded my soul's cause;
You have redeemed my life. 

His own story, in poetic form... read the prose here...

God sometimes gives these awesome direct deliverances.    But sometimes He doesn't, I think (Hebrews 11)..... am I right or wrong about this?    Anyway, either way He will be glorified... and in the END, He will certainly 'deliver' all His servants.... just not all of them here in this life.....

 
    59O LORD, You have seen my oppression;
Judge my case.
60You have seen all their vengeance,
All their schemes against me.

 

Again-- trusting in God for vindication, not in human justice...   God is the one who sees all and will reveal all secrets at the Judgment Day... including the thoughts and motives of every man's heart....

 
    61You have heard their reproach, O LORD,
All their schemes against me.
62The lips of my assailants and their whispering
Are against me all day long.
63Look on their sitting and their rising;
I am their mocking song.
64You will recompense them, O LORD,
According to the work of their hands.
65You will give them hardness of heart,
Your curse will be on them.
66You will pursue them in anger and destroy them
From under the heavens of the LORD!

 

"Give them hardness of heart"....    Wow.... what a terrible curse to ask for someone!!    To what extent is it right/good/proper/correct for us to pray imprecatory curses of this sort upon our enemies ( / "the enemies of the Lord") ?

 

 

In summary, the verse that could summarize the whole chapter, the whole book and in some sense (for those who have believed in Christ Jesus), the whole Bible:

"The LORD is my portion," says my soul,
"Therefore I have hope in Him."

Here are two short pdf documents about the gospel that are well worth pondering!  They talk about the author's realizations of the dangers of emphasizing "performance" rather than faith / trust / God's grace in our walk with Christ.  This message is not new... it is basically the same message preached by the reformers in the 1600's, and by many others before and after... each generation must discover the gospel again for itself...

http://www.stoptryingharder.com/Chapter1.pdf

http://www.stoptryingharder.com/Preaching_to_the_Exhausted.pdf

 

For in the gospel a righteousness from God is revealed, a righteousness that is by faith from first to last, just as it is written: "The righteous will live by faith".   Romans 1:17

...Having begun by the Spirit, are you now being perfected by the flesh?   Galatians 3:3b

I've been thinking about parenting some recently, having seen many good and bad examples, and having experienced God's parenting in my own life.  I have learned/realized some things recently, although it's a bit hard still to pin it down and put it into words.  I'll try to note a few things below.  Sorry it's so rambling.  Maybe these thoughts will coalesce into a more succinct form in the future.

1. First, consider these verses, from our friends Job and Paul  (consider also the story of Jonah, and the plant that God 'gave' and then 'took away')...

 He said,
"Naked I came from my mother's womb,
And naked I shall return there
The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away.
Blessed be the name of the LORD."     (Job 1:21)

Notice this about God - that He gives and He takes away.  He doesn't only give (like 'Santa Claus'), and He doesn't only take away (like we are sometimes tempted to believe, when grieving a great loss).  He does both.   Why?  Is God an "indian-giver"?   Is He capricious, feeling benevolent one day but feeling grumpy the next?

How is it possible to trust Someone who gives good gifts one moment, then painful heartaches the next moment?  How can one repose one's heart in Him, release one's future to Him, if you never know what painful thing He's going to throw at you next?  When the dentist says "this might hurt a bit, but just close your eyes and try to relax", how do you respond internally?  Is this what God tells us to do (Proverbs 3:5-6), or is the analogy incorrect?

The second passage:

"Men, why are you doing these things? We are also men of the same nature as you, and preach the gospel to you that you should turn from these vain things to a living God, who 'made the heaven and the earth and the sea and all that is in them.' In the generations gone by He permitted all the nations to go their own ways; and yet He did not leave Himself without witness, in that He did good and gave you rains from heaven and fruitful seasons, satisfying your hearts with food and gladness."  (Acts 14:15-17)

What is it about receiving things like food and rain for one's crops that points one to God?  What is Paul saying here?

2. I think it's C.S. Lewis who talks about why God does this ---  God "gives AND takes away" in order to awaken in people the desire for Him..... the Object of desire which is the only truly satisfying one (see also this interesting related article on 'sehnsucht', a German word approximately meaning "longing"/"desire").  More on this below.

3. The concept of parenting seems to be related to this.  Parenting seems to be two main things: living an example to one's kids, and teaching/training specific principles to one's kids.  Training seems to be accomplished using rewards and punishments... rewards for good behavior, punishments for bad behavior.  The idea is that if you train children consistently using rewards and punishments, they will build character habits... at first they won't understand the rationale (they'll just know 'when I beat up my brother, I get spanked, which hurts, so I'd better not beat up my brother any more'), but as they mature, they'll understand the rationale ('it is better for many reasons to live in an amicable relationship with my brother').   Once the kids get to the teen age, spanking doesn't hold much terror for them any more, and once they hit their late teens and older, all punishments lose effect... so the training has to take place early.... but if it works, the kids won't need the rewards/punishments any more... they will WANT to act in these mature ways (for better/higher motivations)...

Anyway, the parent must both give, and take away.   Sometimes I see a parent trying to only take away, without giving... e.g. taking away their privileges, yelling at them (usually the ones who yell are the same ones who don't spank), threatening them, grounding them, etc.  Sometimes I see a parent trying to only give, without taking away...  e.g. sacrificially providing opportunities (educational, social, financial, etc) without being willing to take away those privileges if the kid is behaving badly... parents giving money to a kid who is married, jobless, homeless, etc and enabling his continued unruly lifestyle, etc.

But it is beautiful to see a parent both giving and taking away, toward the goal of seeing his/her child become an upright and mature adult.   The parent gives gifts of toys, social opportunities, educational opportunities, field trips, delicious foods, money, etc, constantly pondering what new gifts he/she might be able to give.... while being ready to take away, withold, punish, spank, scold, etc whenever the child needs it.  In engineering terms the parent is keeping open a wide dynamic range of parental reference signal to the child.

4.  As I currently understand it, this process looks different depending on whether the person is being drawn by God or not (or whether the person is seeking God or not through God's Spirit working in their heart, or whether the person is one of God's elect 'sheep' or not... different ways of saying the same thing).

If the person is being drawn by God, when God gives a good gift to them, he/she respond in delight and thanksgiving --- 'wow, thanks God!! I never knew life could be this good... my perspective on the upper end of the realm of possibility has just been expanded... if being-with-You-in-heaven is better than THIS, then it must be far better than thought previously...'  Then when God takes away that good thing, or brings some hardship into his/her life, they respond like Job - 'ok God, for some reason in your better/wiser plan You have taken this away for some good purpose... thank You that what I possess in having/knowing/being-connected-with You Yourself is far better than anything I have lost or could ever possibly lose here on earth... thank You for the reminder, in this loss, that my true Treasure is not this thing, but You... ' (Lamentations 3:24, 1 Cor 7:29-31, John 17:1-5, etc)

But the non-elect person responds differently... when God sends the good gift, it only dulls the spiritual sensibilities and cases the person to be more entrenched against God, if He comes to mind at all ("ok God, here's one thing I'm never going to let you take away from me"), and when God sends the pain or takes away the gift, it only causes rage and bitterness against God.  Again C.S.Lewis' story is powerful -- of the dwarves in "The Last Battle" who, although seated in a beautiful meadow and presented with a delicious banquet, are unable to see/enjoy it for what it is and end up less satisfied than before.   Cf. Revelation 9:20-21, 16:9,11...

5.  www.beerisproof.org says these things more coherently than I.   From their website: "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."

Quoting Lewis again: "Indeed, if we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered to us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased."

6. Someone, probably Lewis again, has compared the "far-better"-ness of life-with-God to the scenario of trying to explain the pleasures of sex to a little child.  "Is it better than eating chocolate or playing with Legos?" the child asks incredulously.  How could something possibly be better than Legos? or chocolate??

Or consider a boy playing on his Xbox.  He is so engrossed by the game that he barely hears his mom say that she and his dad and the rest of his family are now waiting in the car to begin their family vacation at the beach.   "That's nice," he mumbles, eyes fixed on the screen.  His mom suddenly reaches over and abruptly switches off the power.  At first the boy is upset.  But as soon as he reaches the beach, he begins to become secretly grateful that he was forced to leave his game.   Why?

There are categories of joy that apparently we cannot even begin to grasp... and the same applies to what God is doing in His parenting of us...   He gives us delightful gifts, to shock us into realizing that there is a far greater joy awaiting us than we had imagined existed.  He then takes takes away those gifts and pours heartache into our lives, to shock us into remembering that this world is not our home and we ought not to pretend like it is.  He then repeats the cycle.

Blessing and heartache, blessing and heartache, "happiness and tears", bigger and bigger every month, wrenching our hearts out of joint, overflowing us with blessing beyond our capacity even to say 'thank you', grinding us under pains so great we can't even begin to explain them to our friends, every year upping the amplitude of life's circumstances and timing the phase just right to shatter our complacent little lives...       WHY?        As I asked above, "is God an "indian-giver"?   Is He capricious, feeling benevolent one day but feeling grumpy the next?"     Or, does He have an awesome purpose... is He parenting us with deliberate care to grow in us huge anticipation/delight/longing...     for the only 'thing' that can ultimately satisfy us... that is, Himself........

 

 However, as it is written:
"No eye has seen,
no ear has heard,
no mind has conceived
what God has prepared for those who love Him."     I Corinthians 2:9

 

 

This is an interesting quote:  (a courtship letter to a father, taken from this powerful sermon)

"I have now to ask, whether you can consent to part with your daughter early next spring, to see her no more in this world; whether you can consent to her departure, and her subjection to the hardships and sufferings of missionary life; whether you can consent to her exposure to the dangers of the ocean, to the fatal influence of the southern climate of India; to every kind of want and distress; to degradation, insult, persecution, and perhaps a violent death. Can you consent to all this, for the sake of him who left His heavenly home, and died for her and for you; for the sake of perishing, immortal souls; for the sake of Zion, and the glory of God? Can you consent to all this, in hope of soon meeting your daughter in the world of glory, with the crown of righteous, brightened with the acclamations of praise which shall redound to her Savior from heathens saved, through her means, from eternal woe and despair?"

How rare, it seems, are women (and men) like this... who are completely surrendered to God and willing to give up everything to follow Christ...  who are ready to die, to lose their money, their health, their safety, their friends, their reputation, their fun-filled-life, their children, etc etc, for Christ's sake.

"Look," says the Teacher, "this is what I have discovered:
"Adding one thing to another to discover the scheme of things-
"While I was still searching but not finding-
I found one upright man among a thousand,
but not one upright woman among them all.
"This only have I found:
God made mankind upright, but men have gone in search of many schemes."
-- Solomon, Ecclesiastes 7:27-29

"So then, none of you can be My disciple who does not give up all his own possessions."
-- Jesus Christ, Luke 14:33

 

Challenging to me...

God, please help me to "give up all my own possessions" and put You absolutely first in my life...