He could have made it mechanical - "obey the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart..."

but no...  instead He says, "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart."

Now a certain man was sick, Lazarus of Bethany, the village of Mary and her sister Martha.
It was the Mary who anointed the Lord with ointment, and wiped His feet with her hair, whose brother Lazarus was sick.
So the sisters sent word to Him, saying, "Lord, behold, he whom You love is sick."
But when Jesus heard this, He said, "This sickness is not to end in death, but for the glory of God, so that the Son of God may be glorified by it."
Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. So when He heard that he was sick, He then stayed two days longer in the place where He was.
Then after this He said to the disciples, "Let us go to Judea again."
...
So when Jesus came, He found that he had already been in the tomb four days.
Now Bethany was near Jerusalem, about two miles off;
and many of the Jews had come to Martha and Mary, to console them concerning their brother.
Martha therefore, when she heard that Jesus was coming, went to meet Him, but Mary stayed at the house.
Martha then said to Jesus, "Lord, if You had been here, my brother would not have died.
"Even now I know that whatever You ask of God, God will give You."
Jesus said to her, "Your brother will rise again."
Martha said to Him, "I know that he will rise again in the resurrection on the last day."
Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life; he who believes in Me will live even if he dies, and everyone who lives and believes in Me will never die. Do you believe this?"
She said to Him, "Yes, Lord; I have believed that You are the Christ, the Son of God, even He who comes into the world."
When she had said this, she went away and called Mary her sister, saying secretly, "The Teacher is here and is calling for you."
And when she heard it, she got up quickly and was coming to Him.
Now Jesus had not yet come into the village, but was still in the place where Martha met Him.
Then the Jews who were with her in the house, and consoling her, when they saw that Mary got up quickly and went out, they followed her, supposing that she was going to the tomb to weep there.
Therefore, when Mary came where Jesus was, she saw Him, and fell at His feet, saying to Him, "Lord, if You had been here, my brother would not have died."
When Jesus therefore saw her weeping, and the Jews who came with her also weeping, He was deeply moved in spirit and was troubled, and said, "Where have you laid him?" They said to Him, "Lord, come and see."
Jesus wept.
So the Jews were saying, "See how He loved him!"
But some of them said, "Could not this man, who opened the eyes of the blind man, have kept this man also from dying?"
So Jesus, again being deeply moved within, came to the tomb. Now it was a cave, and a stone was lying against it.
Jesus said, "Remove the stone." Martha, the sister of the deceased, said to Him, "Lord, by this time there will be a stench, for he has been dead four days."
Jesus said to her, "Did I not say to you that if you believe, you will see the glory of God?"
So they removed the stone Then Jesus raised His eyes, and said, "Father, I thank You that You have heard Me. "I knew that You always hear Me; but because of the people standing around I said it, so that they may believe that You sent Me."
When He had said these things, He cried out with a loud voice, "Lazarus, come forth."
The man who had died came forth, bound hand and foot with wrappings, and his face was wrapped around with a cloth. Jesus said to them, "Unbind him, and let him go."   (John 11)

"Affections of the heart cannot simply be removed, they must be replaced."

-- a quote I heard today, which I think is quite true.   Lord Jesus, please focus my heart's affections on You.

One of the hardest things I've ever faced is the condition of being repeatedly and massively misunderstood by someone whose opinion I care about, while being constrained by certain factors that I am not allowed to even try to clear up the misunderstandings.  I long to help this person understand me, but I am not permitted to try.  I must trust that God has good plans in mind, and continue to seek to delight myself in Him alone.

I suppose many others have faced this type of thing too, before me.    Sigh.    All pain here is only temporary (for those of us who believe in Jesus).

God, please break her ipod
Extract her from her self-imposed cocoon
She's trying to retreat from the cold harsh world
She doesn't realize that she is part of the problem
Open her eyes to the people
All around her
Who need her friendship and love
That she can give to them only if she is secure in God's love for her
And if You break her ipod
Or give her enough love to turn it off

God, please break his xbox
Spinning illusions of a world more colorful, more vivid, more fun
Greedily and mindlessly slurping up the hours of his life
He thinks he is living the better life
But he is feeding on ashes and missing the hard subtle magnificent joys
Of reality
God, please break his xbox
Or give him a taste for turning it off and living real life, with You and for others

God, please break their television
Open his eyes as he sits in front of it every night watching the game
To see his wife cooking dinner and longing vaguely for the conversations they used to have
To see his son struggling with his homework only a room away
To see his daughter wishing she could see his eyes show the same interest in her that he shows
In the game
Open her eyes as she talks through the week of the next time she will see Lost or the soap
And trade in her precious hours for fake laughs and fake thrills
And wishing for a better husband and mocking the one she has
God, please break their television
Or give them the vision to turn it off and weave their family's life together

God, please break her computer
Show her that three real friends are better than three hundred facebook friends
An hour of face to face conversation more memorable than ten pages
Of instant messages
An interested conversation with her neighbor more satisfying than an hour of surfing the web
Taking her little brother out to eat and talk more lifechanging than comparing dresses online
God, please break her computer
Or give her the judgment to turn it off and shape history

God, please break his radio
Open his eyes to see his daughter sitting next to him in the truck
Silent
Longing to deeply talk with him
But too shy to try compete with the radio
Besides she's tried before and failed - why seek again?
And he's tried before and been hurt - why open up again?
But if only she could see how close they could be if
If she would try again
And he would make himself vulnerable
God, please break his radio
Or give him the courage to turn it off and engage

God, please let them see You in your glory
And forget all amusements and electronic distractions as You fill their gaze
Teach them to count their days as they slip away one by one until their predetermined number is completed
And give them delight in the warmth of your beauty and incredibly passionate love that gave up everything for us
In Jesus Christ

And me too God, please

 

 

Recall Paul and Barnabas, great friends and missionary partners, and their major disagreement which caused them to part ways rather than traveling together for the rest of their lives?

'How sad', might be the first reaction.  Yet God used their separate efforts for even greater good than if they had been joined together.  'How wonderfully God worked it out for good,' might be a better summary.

And so it may turn out for many of us as well.  Especially in these 'last days'.

 

--

 

Also, I heard this quote today from a visiting scientist:

"I'm from Scotland.  I believe that it's actually important to know what's going on.  If I was from England, the only important thing would be knowing who's in charge, and making sure I'm friends with him."

He he he.

There's something to be said for both approaches...   Especially and fundamentally, in our relationship with God the Creator, we can stop worrying and leave the 'outcomes' to Him, as our Father in heaven.  Ponder this statement that Jesus made in John 18:11-

Simon Peter then, having a sword, drew it and struck the high priest's slave, and cut off his right ear; and the slave's name was Malchus.  So Jesus said to Peter, "Put the sword into the sheath; the cup which the Father has given Me, shall I not drink it?"

One might think that if ever Jesus had a reason to balk and refuse to obey His Father, this would be the time...  He knew exactly what torment the Father was guiding Him toward, unlike his disciples who were in denial and refused to listen to His predictions.   But so deep was His trust, that Jesus figured whatever the Father was asking Him to do, even death and Hell, was ultimately the best and most desirable thing to do.   A "Though He slay me, still I will hope in Him" attitude...   Trust...  Hope...

"...fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."

...and love.

Consider for a moment this true story (from John 12, cf. also Matthew 26:6-13, Mark 14:1-9, Luke 7:36-50):

 

Jesus, therefore, six days before the Passover, came to Bethany where Lazarus was, whom Jesus had raised from the dead. So they made Him a supper there, and Martha was serving; but Lazarus was one of those reclining at the table with Him.

Mary then took a pound of very costly perfume of pure nard, and anointed the feet of Jesus and wiped His feet with her hair; and the house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume.

But Judas Iscariot, one of His disciples, who was intending to betray Him, said, "Why was this perfume not sold for three hundred denarii [a year's wages] and given to poor people?" Now he said this, not because he was concerned about the poor, but because he was a thief, and as he had the money box, he used to pilfer what was put into it. 

Therefore Jesus said, "Let her alone, so that she may keep it for the day of My burial. For you always have the poor with you, but you do not always have Me."

Can you enter into Mary's thinking here?  Have you ever felt what she felt?

To be, in the first place, so astonishingly forgiven, restored, and grateful...  ("there was a woman in the city who was a sinner...")

To love someone so passionately and deeply that you desire to give and give and give to that person, and the more costly the better (such love is irrational)...

To go and buy the gift, waiting for days with heart-pounding anticipation (how will he react? will he think I'm foolish?)...

To take the step of no return, to walk uninvited into the room of conversing men, to crack open the jar of perfume representing a lifetime of savings, to kneel at His feet to present the gift, weeping in gratitude and unworthiness...

 

I am empathizing more with her these days.  Though the treasures in my life are being gently plucked by Him from my unwilling fingers rather than offered by free volitional plan, still He is showing me that I can imitate her faith-filled, passionately grateful, 'Jesus is all the world to me' attitude.

How are my 'classes' going that I talked about in my previous post?  In a one-word summary, "AAAAAGGGGGGHHHHH."   Excruciating.  But still worth it, I think.  Intimate fellowship and knowledge of Jesus Christ is worth possessing, at any cost.  And the classes won't be forever.  'Soon and very soon' my classes will be over, and the 'sabbath rest for the people of God' will begin.  And the best part is that not a moment of pain will be wasted.  He is saving every tear of mine in His bottle.

Thinking today about the difference between David's "faith" and the "faith" of Hananiah, Mishael and Azariah.

The former:

 20So David arose early in the morning and left the flock with a keeper and took the supplies and went as Jesse had commanded him. And he came to the circle of the camp while the army was going out in battle array shouting the war cry.
21Israel and the Philistines drew up in battle array, army against army.
22Then David left his baggage in the care of the baggage keeper, and ran to the battle line and entered in order to greet his brothers.
23As he was talking with them, behold, the champion, the Philistine from Gath named Goliath, was coming up from the army of the Philistines, and he spoke these same words; and David heard them.
24When all the men of Israel saw the man, they fled from him and were greatly afraid.
25The men of Israel said, "Have you seen this man who is coming up? Surely he is coming up to defy Israel. And it will be that the king will enrich the man who kills him with great riches and will give him his daughter and make his father's house free in Israel."
26Then David spoke to the men who were standing by him, saying, "What will be done for the man who kills this Philistine and takes away the reproach from Israel? For who is this uncircumcised Philistine, that he should taunt the armies of the living God?"
...
31When the words which David spoke were heard, they told them to Saul, and he sent for him.
32David said to Saul, "Let no man's heart fail on account of him; your servant will go and fight with this Philistine."
33Then Saul said to David, "You are not able to go against this Philistine to fight with him; for you are but a youth while he has been a warrior from his youth."
34But David said to Saul, "Your servant was tending his father's sheep. When a lion or a bear came and took a lamb from the flock,
35I went out after him and attacked him, and rescued it from his mouth; and when he rose up against me, I seized him by his beard and struck him and killed him.
36"Your servant has killed both the lion and the bear; and this uncircumcised Philistine will be like one of them, since he has taunted the armies of the living God."
37And David said, "The LORD who delivered me from the paw of the lion and from the paw of the bear, He will deliver me from the hand of this Philistine " And Saul said to David, "Go, and may the LORD be with you."
...
41Then the Philistine came on and approached David, with the shield-bearer in front of him.
42When the Philistine looked and saw David, he disdained him; for he was but a youth, and ruddy, with a handsome appearance.
43The Philistine said to David, "Am I a dog, that you come to me with sticks?" And the Philistine cursed David by his gods.
44The Philistine also said to David, "Come to me, and I will give your flesh to the birds of the sky and the beasts of the field."
45Then David said to the Philistine, "You come to me with a sword, a spear, and a javelin, but I come to you in the name of the LORD of hosts, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have taunted.
46"This day the LORD will deliver you up into my hands, and I will strike you down and remove your head from you. And I will give the dead bodies of the army of the Philistines this day to the birds of the sky and the wild beasts of the earth, that all the earth may know that there is a God in Israel,
47and that all this assembly may know that the LORD does not deliver by sword or by spear; for the battle is the LORD'S and He will give you into our hands."
1 Samuel 17
The latter:

 14Nebuchadnezzar responded and said to them, "Is it true, Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-nego, that you do not serve my gods or worship the golden image that I have set up?
15"Now if you are ready, at the moment you hear the sound of the horn, flute, lyre, trigon, psaltery and bagpipe and all kinds of music, to fall down and worship the image that I have made, very well. But if you do not worship, you will immediately be cast into the midst of a furnace of blazing fire; and what god is there who can deliver you out of my hands?"
16Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-nego replied to the king, "O Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to give you an answer concerning this matter.
17"If it be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the furnace of blazing fire; and He will deliver us out of your hand, O king.
18"But even if He does not, let it be known to you, O king, that we are not going to serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up."
Dan 3:14-18
So David was like, "You have taunted the Lord's army and you are coming to fight against me the Lord's warrior, so you are going to die."
Meanwhile Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego were like, "We don't know if God will deliver us or not.  But we will serve Him anyway regardless of whether He spares our lives or not."

Did David have "more faith" than Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego?  Is one attitude more appropriate than the other?  Or is the difference due to the circumstances?  How was David so sure that God would deliver him?  Because there are certainly examples in which God did NOT deliver His representatives in this life.  (However, everything will be made right at the heavenly judgment.)  E.g. Uriah:

 20Indeed, there was also a man who prophesied in the name of the LORD, Uriah the son of Shemaiah from Kiriath-jearim; and he prophesied against this city and against this land words similar to all those of Jeremiah.
21When King Jehoiakim and all his mighty men and all the officials heard his words, then the king sought to put him to death; but Uriah heard it, and he was afraid and fled and went to Egypt.
22Then King Jehoiakim sent men to Egypt: Elnathan the son of Achbor and certain men with him went into Egypt.
23And they brought Uriah from Egypt and led him to King Jehoiakim, who slew him with a sword and cast his dead body into the burial place of the common people.
Jeremiah 26:20-23

Many more Biblical examples could be considered where "God's man (or woman)" was faced with huge / life-threatening situations and 'the glory of God's name' was put 'at risk' or 'on display for God to exalt'.  Most of the situations involving specific recorded prayers for deliverance were answered, like Moses at the Red Sea and in the desert without water, Jacob before Esau's arrival, David fleeing from Saul, Hezekiah besieged by Sennacherib, etc.  Some situations involved defeat/death - e.g. the transition of Hebrews 11 from "successful" heros of the faith to "martyred"/"unsuccessful" heros of the faith in verse 35.  And Jesus Himself - fervently asking God to spare Him from death "if possible" / if there was any other way.  Yet God said "no".  (though Hebrews 5:7 says "In the days of His flesh, He offered up both prayers and supplications with loud crying and tears to the One able to save Him from death, and He was heard because of His piety"...?)   The situation with the church in Acts praying for Peter's deliverance is fascinating - they were praying for his deliverance, and God sent an angel to spring him out of jail, then when he showed up at the door they didn't believe that it was him!

And how does this apply to us today?  If I am faced with very large challenges at my workplace, ought I to have "David-faith": "Since I am God's representative on the job here, He will give me success in this situation and put all my enemies to shame..."  ?   or ought I to have "Shadrach-faith": "I do not know if God will deliver me in this situation or allow me to be crushed/defeated/humiliated, but I will continue to serve Him either way, as long as He gives me breath." 

Or am I asking the wrong questions?

a long ramble, probably not worth reading...  a dipping of the ladle into the frothing stew that is my mind of late...

I came across this fascinating article on "what the Bible says about humor" via a google search today.  It's something I've been wondering about for a while, and lately much more than usual.... looking for ways in which to grow in this area in my life.

Yet as the article mentions, Jesus and Paul and Peter and all the biblical folk seemed very serious.  Consider especially Jesus.  On the one hand, he was apparently VERY popular... invited often to dine, invited to weddings, etc.  His first miracle was to create wine for a wedding, of all things. He was known as a "friend of tax collectors and sinners", and His enemies called him "a glutton and a drunkard."

On the other hand, his recorded words seem extremely serious at all times - unceasingly challenging people about where they stood in relationship to God.  For example, Luke 9:43-44- "But while everyone was marveling at all that He was doing, He said to His disciples, "Let these words sink into your ears; for the Son of Man is going to be delivered into the hands of men."" or Luke 6 "Blessed are you who weep now, for you shall laugh. ...Woe to you who laugh now, for you shall mourn and weep."

Was Jesus ever sad?  Oh yes... He "began to be very distressed and troubled", He "wept", etc.  If one of us were to go around telling our friends all day that we were going to be persecuted and killed in the near future, our friends would probably consider us paranoid and improperly morbid.  But Jesus did this.

But on the other hand, Jesus never seemed truly "worried" about anything.  Everything was a matter of simple trust in His Father... that His Father would provide everything that was necessary at just the right time.  (Luke 11:1-13, Matt. 6:25-34, etc).   When the disciples were scared about visiting Jerusalem, Jesus calmly went right ahead, knowing that "His hour had not yet come".  The closest Jesus seemed to come to worrying (yet not even then) was the night before He knew He was going to be killed and to suffer the penalty of eternal death for our sins.

Obviously some people are more naturally humorous than others.  But to what extent ought we to seek to be fun people to be around, to laugh more for the sake of laughing more, to engage in 'widely-considered-fun' activities for the sake of connecting more with our (entertainment-focused) American culture...?   Or is that the wrong direction, and instead we ought to just focus on God and trusting Him more and delighting in Him more and reveling more in the salvation/glory He has promised us, and simply decide not to care whether other people think we are boring or not?

I.e. I've heard it said (quite prevalently in the mainstream American Christian culture), "we ought to be the happiest / most joyful people on earth" (with which I almost certainly agree, because of what God has done for us).  I've also heard it said, "let's show our non-Christian friends that we Christians know how to have fun; that we're not boring and unable to laugh" (with which I am not nearly as certain as to whether I agree...  because the Bible predicts that the world will "hate" us and "revile" us, and even that they will definitely think that we are boring and worse... 1 Peter 4:3-5).   Especially at this time in the American church, where what is 'fun and exciting' seems often to take precedence over what is 'true'.

A quote from the article above: "If we eliminate everything sexual, everything scatological, everything snide and hurtful, we eliminate much of what passes for humor nowadays."

True.  Yet what is left?  What is humor?  Isn't humor essentially an instinctual pleasure that arises when we see or hear something 'unexpected' (especially in someone else's life)?  I.e. a sudden 'reverse' from the way things are expected... whether neutral (common as in puns), unfortunate (very common), or fortunate (uncommon).  What is appropriate/good humor?  Is it something that should be sought in our lives (cf. Paul "I have become all things to all men, so that I might by all means save some," speaking of becoming like one 'under the law' or like one 'not under the law' depending on who he was with)?  Or is humor / funniness / fun-ness-to-be-around something NOT to be pursued, a byproduct of being delighted in God alone?    If it is the case that people in general do not find me enjoyable to be around, is this my fault or theirs, and how would I know?  And if (as is likely) there are some areas in which I need to change, how do I change??

I've also been thinking a bit about the sense of humor that God (the One True God, the God of the Bible, the Creator) exhibits.  What things make God laugh?   (Would God laugh at Monty Python's "Holy Grail"?)

It seems from my reading of scripture that the things that God enjoys are likewise "reversals", just like human humor.  But particularly, 'reversals' in which He Himself gets the glory and the honor, in the end.

(And as Jonathan Edwards and John Piper point out, it is not 'selfish' at all for God to seek His own glory... rather, it is the only proper goal for Him... if He were to seek to glorify anything other than Himself, it would be wrong/improper... but it just so happens that God in His love has graciously chosen to 'take along with Him' a group of us who have been undeservedly swept up in His grand masterpiece of creation, salvation, and glory...  so that when God 'seeks His own glory', (e.g. Isaiah 48:11), He is also seeking our greatest good in the process..)

So the things that make God laugh:

    Why are the nations in an uproar
And the peoples devising a vain thing?
The kings of the earth take their stand
And the rulers take counsel together
Against the LORD and against His Anointed, saying,
"Let us tear their fetters apart
And cast away their cords from us!"
He who sits in the heavens laughs,
The Lord scoffs at them. 
Then He will speak to them in His anger
And terrify them in His fury, saying,
"But as for Me, I have installed My King
Upon Zion, My holy mountain."  (Psalm 2:1-6)

...at the very thought of a puny group of humans thwarting God's omnipotent strength... Ha!  The idea of a group of 'powerful men' 'taking secret counsel together' (ooh, wow, someone's going to be in big trouble, I wonder who) against God, the Creator of the Universe?!?! (majorly unexpected subject... perfect humor reaction... )

Similarly:

   If you had responded to my rebuke, I would have poured out my heart to you and made my thoughts known to you.
But since you rejected me when I called and no one gave heed when I stretched out my hand, since you ignored all my advice and would not accept my rebuke, I in turn will laugh at your disaster; I will mock when calamity overtakes you - when calamity overtakes you like a storm, when disaster sweeps over you like a whirlwind, when distress and trouble overwhelm you.
Then they will call to me but I will not answer; they will look for me but will not find me. Since they hated knowledge and did not choose to fear the LORD, since they would not accept my advice and spurned my rebuke, they will eat the fruit of their ways and be filled with the fruit of their schemes. Proverbs 1.23ff

But He also says:

"Do I have any pleasure in the death of the wicked," declares the Lord GOD, "rather than that he should turn from his ways and live? ...
"Cast away from you all your transgressions which you have committed and make yourselves a new heart and a new spirit! For why will you die, O house of Israel?
"For I have no pleasure in the death of anyone who dies," declares the Lord GOD. "Therefore, repent and live." Ezekiel 18:23,31-32

This is God's own heart-longing, and simultaneously His sovereign decree - He would much rather that everyone would repent and return to Him and receive His free salvation that He purchased at His own terrible expense.  But when people reject and scorn His love and subsequently receive what they deserve (i.e. what we all deserve, but what some of us will not receive), when the tables are turned, when those who were once proud and arrogant and 'didn't need God' are at that time revealed for who they truly are and sent to their final deserved destination, when justice is finally fully served and God is revealed as the only truly Righteous One, the Beautiful One, etc, He will laugh.  Despite the pain and heartache involved in the romance and the courtship, the marriage of God and His Bride (us Christians) will be the ultimate 'happy ending'.   (and as Lewis says, it's really rather a beginning than an ending... the story beyond the title page...)

For more on this, check out Hannah's prayer, Mary's prayer, Zechariah's prayer, and so much more.  It seems like the whole Bible is streaked with this theme... that God chooses the "despised things of the world" (1 Cor 1-3) and raises them up to show His power/glory while allowing the 'great and mighty things of the world' to fall under their own inherent creaturely insufficiency. "After the last tear falls," there will be love, yes, but that's only half of the story.  There will be justice.  There will be retribution.  There will be rewards.  There will be fully-deserved Hell for most people, and tears for those people forever.  But there will be love and undeserved Heaven for those of us who have been adopted and ransomed by the Great True God.  "Many who are first will be last, and the last, first."

Back to the subject of fun, humor, and enjoyable/juicy life.  What makes you happy?  What makes me happy?  Is happiness dependent on circumstances?   Ought it to be?  Is my happiness dependent on others' perceptions of me?  I.e., would I be perfectly happy except that I have noticed that certain people consider me and my life boring and dry and arid, after which subsequently I find myself adopting their opinion and viewing my own life as boring and dry and arid?  (btw, my situation is not quite that bad, I'm just saying this for the discussion, though there is definitely some heat underneath the boiling stew pot of my mind).

What makes a fun life?   Some people would say, 'contentment'.   I.e. whatever you do, enjoy it, be content in it.  The secular world says this all the time, and there is a substantial amount of truth in it, imho.  E.g. "If life gives you lemons, make lemonade."  Good thought.  How much more applicable to those of us who have been adopted by God!  Because for us, there is no such thing as an ultimately "bad" thing ever happening to us again.  Every single thing that happens to one of us God's children has been carefully allowed/sent from God's loving hand to work something good in our lives.

But is "I know everything will work together for good" the same as "a fun life"?   Other people say, "hobbies" are what makes life fun.   Other people say, "friends".  Other people say, "marriage."  "Paintball."  "Golf."  "Chocolate."    "Serving other people."

I am of the opinion, of course, that 'contentment' is closer than these other things... at least for those of us who belong to God (those who are still enemies of God had better pay very close attention to the last vestiges of the "something's wrong here" feeling nagging at their hearts!)   I.e. if I (as a Christian) ever get the feeling that my life is 'not fun', I need to step back and take a careful look at who I am in Christ, and what I have to look forward to after death, and then take careful stock again of The Great Blessing and all the gazillions of temporal blessings He has given to me.  And then I must "choose to be content" / "choose to be happy" / "choose to delight myself in Him" regardless of my circumstances.   And then I can begin adding hobbies and pastimes and ministries and friendships, but always watchful/mindful to make sure I'm not relying on those things to fill me up and make me happy.

So that's the theory.  Is the theory correct?  Is the whole concept of "a fun life" an illusion that I have been suckered into by my society?  Let's say for the purpose of argument that the two main questions I am wrestling with are: "what personal activies/hobbies/(and even characteristics in friends that I choose) do I enjoy (as opposed to what other people enjoy, and I just think I enjoy because I am influenced by my peers)", and, "if I ever feel like life is empty or hollow, what is the appropriate remedy? A. seek to delight myself more in God, B. seek to fill up my life with more "fun activities", C. "both A and B" (but how can this be?!?!?!? how is it possible to 'serve two masters', to 'bear fruit for God' while simultaneously 'choking oneself with the cares and riches of this life'?), or, D. some other option that I am not aware of."

Let's say for the sake of argument that what I really need in my life is not more "humor" or more "funniness" or more "fun-life-activities/hobbies", but more satisfaction in God... such that I am content and brimming over with thankfulness and joy regardless of 'how my day is going' or 'what my peers are saying about me today'.   And let's also postulate that what I need specifically in my life is more love (and 'bolder love') for other people.  The two are linked of course - only if I am satisfied in God can I truly be free to love others.  Only if I am confident that His opinion of me is certain/unchanging/constant/overwhelmingly-intense agape-love, can I confidently reach out to others... secure in the fact that if my efforts 'fall flat' or are rejected, it really doesn't matter because I have Someone who loves me.

(In this sense I and everyone in the world is 'feminine' compared to God... in the love vs respect gradient... i.e. the stereotype is that men want respect/honor/esteem and women want love... and I have found the stereotype to be overwhelmingly accurate.  But compared to God, none of us can hope for His respect (except the angel's greeting to Daniel? and Is. 66:2?), we can only receive His love, and obey Him... )

But then let's say God does put more love in my heart for other people, such that I am just overflowing with love all the time toward others.  Wouldn't this be seen as "extremely uncool" in almost all areas of our society?  I.e. what my society values is "fun" and "scintillation", NOT "love" (i.e. Greek agape, unconditional sacrificial love).  And especially not in a man!!  The more I move in that direction, so it would seem, the more "wussified" (and maybe even "gay") I would seem to be viewed.  I.e. I would seem to be moving in the exact opposite of the direction that John Eldredge recommends followers of Christ move in today's society.  Of course John Eldredge might be wrong (and there are other leaders that advocate a much 'softer' and more feminized version of Christian manhood, with the emphasis on 'brokenness' rather than 'masculinity').  But the questions continue.  As a youth leader, I am to be an example to the young men in my care.  An example of Christlikeness, hopefully, not an example of American worldliness.  But what would Christ look like as a youth leader?  Would they say of Him, "Yeah!  My youth leader is Jesus!  He's so cool!  He's buff and athletic and extremely cool.  He has a rapier wit, and he's down with the latest music and movies.  When he throws a party, you definitely want to be there.  Jesus is the most happening person I know."   OR would they say,   "Um yeah, I'm stuck with Jesus as my youth leader. He's pretty much the most uncool person I know. Whenever I'm trying to talk about football or cars or hot girls or paintball, he's always in my face telling me that I need to 'repent of my sins' and 'love God with all my heart' or 'seek to enter the narrow gate.'  Whenever I used to ask him if he had heard an album or seen a movie, he would say, 'Do the images and dialog and plot of that movie help you to glorify God?'   I now try to avoid him whenever possible."

Yet if "overflowingness-with-love" is a character facet that pleases God, should I not pursue this with reckless abandon, given that God is far more important than any and all other people, and his opinion is far more important than "society's" opinion?

And yes, there is still a "main situation" prompting much of this questioning, occurring currently in my life, in which I admit that I would really really really appreciate your prayers for me, for wisdom... that I would walk wisely through this situation, that the situation would bring me closer to God, that I would behave in a way that I would not regret afterward, that I would be a good example to those who are watching my life, and chiefly that I would value and be-satisfied-in God as my highest and top goal/priority/love.  I am thankful to God for putting me in this spot, as it has prompted me to seek wisdom and to seek to understand myself better (and life itself in nomological ways).  But I really need His help to get me through.  Thanks to all of you for your prayer and support.

And thanks mostly to You, God.   You have given me eternal life with You, despite my immense sins and my inherent unworthiness.

 

Full, complete, surrender/obedience to God is so very hard.  But it is a very exciting and peaceful place.  I wish I could / hope I can spend more time there.

God gives, and then He takes away.  He gives wonderful, beautiful, wholesome, delightful blessings, and then He withers them, kills them, rips them away and gives them to someone else.  Not because He is cruel, but because He will do whatever it takes to fix my gaze and my hope upon Him.  Because He loves me, and He knows that only if I am satisfied in Him will I be truly satisfied and filled-full.

Specifically, God has given and God has taken away in my life this year.

Am I "thankful"?   Yes.  I would like to go on record as saying, "Yes."  I choose to be thankful.  God IS good... so I have seen, and so I will continue to believe.  As I said to a friend a while back, "I will learn in time to accept this as another good thing from God's hand."  He has been kind and loving to me in the past, far beyond what I deserve, and I have reason to hope that He is being loving to me right now, even when I can't see it... and I have reason to believe He will be kind and loving to me in the future.  Forever.  Do I always feel thankful?  No.  I am a fickle and transient creature... an immortal soul loosely tethered to a wet carbon-based thinking-device with carbohydrate-powered actuators.  I often feel fear and loss these days instead of trust/hope/joy, way too often as those who know me well can attest.  I will probably tell you the details if you ask me how my life has been going, because I like to try to be honest about everything.  But let me take this opportunity to state publically that God's goodness and mercy and kindness and blessings to/for/upon me have/do far outweigh the pains/losses/griefs He is leading me through.

Blessed be the name of the Lord.

It is so hard to surrender everything to Him, to trust Him fully, to place my hope in the One who wounds me.  But at those moments when I do, life is indescribably peaceful and satisfying despite living through extenuating or painful circumstances.  It is the vase on the wheel, feeling a new sharply pointed instrument in the potter's hand, gasping and then whispering proudly, "The Lord is my Sculptor... I shall not want. I will be beautiful when He is done, and His reputation will shine," and humbly "I am not worthy of His patience... he should have crushed me back into the earth long ago."  It is the difference between, in the middle of a crazy rollercoaster through the darkness, fear of what new terror the next turn may bring, versus razor-edged anticipation of what the next turn may bring, and ravishing exhilaration at the incredible ride.

And at the unspeakably awesome destination.

 

"If we have hoped in Christ in this life only, we are above all men most to be pitied."

Jesus answered and said to her, "Everyone who drinks of this water will thirst again; but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him shall never thirst; but the water that I will give him will become in him a well of water springing up to eternal life."