Here is a letter from a friend of mine who helped in Haiti, and a response by me.   How would you respond?  What are your thoughts on this topic?

 

________ wrote:
> Bonswa once again,
>
> It's hard to believe that our trip is coming to a close. In all honesty, I'm really unsettled about coming home; I'm fairly certain that most of us would never be able to sustain this pace or make Haitian reality our permanent reality, but I've felt sick for the past two days and have a sense of overwhelming guilt about not being able to perform at my peak in the last hours. It's gotten harder to take pictures of Haitians and even tell stories of horrible patient scenarios as I'm reminded that I can quickly jump a plane and go home to my comfy life and they have no way out. I'm not sure if my thoughts completely make sense, but the only comfort I'm finding through prayer is the reminder that Christ was fully God, but he was also fully human. The enormity of his healing work regularly tested his human nature and I'm sure he fell into physically illness and exhaustion. He can relate to the stress felt whenever and wherever we encounter overwhelming need, in America or in foreign lands. He repeatedly holds us accountable, disciplines us, and perhaps lays guilt in our hearts so that we may be tested. I have faith that His aim is not to destroy me through this experience. I'm sure that He will actually do the opposite and even though I'm sitting with this horrible feeling of worthlessness, I pray that He allows it to pervade all facets of my life and allows me to realize just how weak I really am (II Cor 12:9-10). Please pray for safety as we journey home and that we may all have to peace of mind to settle any internal struggles. Your prayers have been with us and I can't wait to give and receive your hugs. I thank God for the girls that I have been able to share this experience with and thank you for all of your encouraging letters and emails. They have meant the world to me in time when I needed them.
>
> Love,
> ____________

 

 

Hey ________,

Yes....  thanks for the update...  praying for you all...

Regarding the poor and abused, I have wondered similar questions and felt guilt too.  I lived for six months in Africa when I was a child and traveled briefly in Thailand in college, and lately I've learned more about the persecuted church and the slaves trafficked around the world and have been trying to help in what little ways I can.  For what it's worth, this passage comes to mind:  Mark 14:6-7

But Jesus said, "Let her alone; why do you bother her? She has done a good deed to Me. For you always have the poor with you, and whenever you wish you can do good to them; but you do not always have Me.
At first it almost seems callous, when Jesus says "you always have the poor with you...".  Somehow Jesus was able to fully comprehend the suffering of the poor, and even the fact that there will always be poor, suffering people in this world until the end comes, yet he stayed sane and trusted in God through the knowing.   Perhaps His implication is "Don't despair...  put Me first in your life, and then secondly keep helping other needy people all your life long whenever the opportunity arises, knowing that there will never be an end to the poverty and need until the new earth comes."    ?

I'm not trying to give an easy answer to the questions you're wrestling with because of Haiti.  I know it's not just about poverty in Haiti, but about the earthquake suffering, and the violence and abuse there, etc.  Surely they need the gospel more than any other type of aid there, especially long term.  But as I've been pondering these things myself over the past few years, I'm coming to the conclusion that for me it's a matter of doing my little daily part to help the poor (out of love because of the love with which God has loved me first)... like the man walking along the beach tossing stranded starfish back into the ocean before they dried out and died, and the passerby who told him "you can't save them all", and his answer "I know, but I can save THIS one (toss), and THIS one (toss), and THIS one..."

Other related passages that come to mind - Isaiah 58,  Proverbs 19:17,  Luke 13:1-6,  Psalm 37...  and there are obviously many more.  Also if you have time and interest, I recently posted some thoughts on my blog about Psalm 37 - http://tim223.xanga.com/726147754/psalm-37/   I'll be interested to hear more of your thoughts on these things and some passages that you find helpful, as things become clearer some time after the Haiti trip.

With esteem, Tim

Three separate items in tonight's blog post:
1. "What is natural?"
2. Modern usage of the word "Church"
3. Son Jong Nam - inspiring modern-day Christian hero of the faith

 

1. On the question "What is 'natural'?" - cool quote from http://creationsafaris.com/crev201007.htm#20100727a -

"Materialists can’t have it both ways.  They cannot argue that only particles and natural laws exist, then turn around and blame humans for global warming, pollution, war, acid rain, extinction, or anything else.  Nature is what nature does.  If humans are a part of nature, whatever they do is only natural....

The only perspective that permits natural/unnatural distinctions is the Judeo-Christian world view.  Sin is unnatural, because God is holy.  Death and disasters are unnatural, because God created a perfect world that was cursed because of sin.  Human beings stand between the natural and the supernatural by having the image of God implanted in their nonphysical souls.  These foundations allow for politics, economics, criminal law, and all the institutions that engage us, including science."

 

 

2. A thought on the modern usage of the word "church", compared to the ancient usage, and a comparison:

"church" (modern english term) = "christian community center" (what Bible-era folks might call it if they observed it)

"small group" (modern term) = "church" (Bible-era usage)

"What church are you attending?" (modern) = "What Christian Community Center do you regularly attend and drop your kids off at?" (Bible-era)

"I feel called to be a pastor." (modern) = "I feel called to be the director of a Christian Community Center." (Bible-era)

etc

 

 

3. Son Jong Nam  -  modern hero and role model... recent North Korean Christian martyr

http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5gdZrqqz2CUFMIoE9WoGEBDkKU6QAD9GOARA00

Why would a 50-year old man return secretly with Bibles into North Korea, from which he had escaped a couple years earlier, knowing full well that if he was caught, he would be jailed and tortured to death?

As far as I can tell: (1) Because Son Jong Nam believed that the Bible's account about Jesus Christ was true (that Jesus Christ really did come, die, and rise again as the Bible relates); (2) Son Jong Nam believed that Jesus Christ was His Lord and so he took seriously the command to make disciples of all nations, and (3) Son Jong Nam loved his own countrymen, and was willing to sacrifice his life (if necessary) to bring them the gospel.

Son Jong Nam died in some secret dungeon, penniless and unknown to the vast majority of the world.  It would seem that he wasted his life and his efforts to help his North Korean countrymen.

But his life and death were not in vain.  God saw everything.  And when the King returns, Son Jong Nam's reward will be incalculably awesome.

For His eyes are upon the ways of a man,
And He sees all his steps.
Job 34:21

And turning His gaze toward His disciples, He began to say, "Blessed are you who are poor, for yours is the kingdom of God. Blessed are you who hunger now, for you shall be satisfied. Blessed are you who weep now, for you shall laugh. Blessed are you when men hate you, and ostracize you, and insult you, and scorn your name as evil, for the sake of the Son of Man. Be glad in that day and leap for joy, for behold, your reward is great in heaven." Luke 6:20-23a

And He sat down opposite the treasury, and began observing how the people were putting money into the treasury; and many rich people were putting in large sums. A poor widow came and put in two small copper coins, which amount to a cent. Calling His disciples to Him, He said to them, "Truly I say to you, this poor widow put in more than all the contributors to the treasury; for they all put in out of their surplus, but she, out of her poverty, put in all she owned, all she had to live on." Mark 12:41-44

Behold, the Lord GOD will come with might,
With His arm ruling for Him.
Behold, His reward is with Him
And His recompense before Him.
Isaiah 40:10

"Behold, I am coming quickly, and My reward is with Me, to render to every man according to what he has done."
Revelation 22:12

 

 

Nice little quote from John Piper (about 1 Corinthians 7:29-31)

"...Marriage is momentary. It’s over at death, and there is no marriage in the resurrection. Wives and husbands are second priorities, not first. Christ is first. Marriage is for making much of him.
It means: If she is exquisitely desirable, beware of desiring her more than Christ. And if she is deeply disappointing, beware of being hurt too much. This is temporary—only a brief lifetime. Then comes the never-disappointing life which is life indeed. ..."

I received a large number of thoughtful responses from my earlier post "Chivalry versus Love" (http://tim223.xanga.com/724969192/chivalry-versus-love/).   I thought I'd post some excerpts here.  I've posted them without identifying information for internet privacy, but if you'd like me to attribute your comment with your name, I'll gladly comply.

• I was reading your post about Chivalry. For the most part I agree with you. Focusing on imitating Christ and our relationship with God is by far the most important thing. And most of Chivalry is outdated and makes no sense in our society where men and women are supposed to be equal. There are some good lessons from it such as honoring your word but those can also be learned from the Bible. However, with in romantic relationships such as courting or marriage I think there is some place for it. Not so much the idea of Chivalry but some of the traditions. I agree that agape love is by far the most important even in these relationships, but not everything done has to be self sacrificial to be important. It is important that in these relationships both the man and the woman feel valued, loved, and cared for. However, as you pointed out men and women are made different by God. For some women little gestures that let them know that their husband is thinking about them and paying attention to them is important. If the way a woman feels loved is by having doors held and her husband help her with her coat I don't think that there is a problem with that. Some women don't care they need other things from their husband to feel loved and cared for and then it doesn't matter. The same thing goes for men. If a man feels loved by his wife because she opens the door for him than that is good too, but I think this is less common. But there are other small things she may do for him that make him feel loved, cooking dinner, watching football with him, making sure the coffee is made, leaving love notes for him. Whatever works for those two people. My point is that the little things matter in relationships, certainly not more than the big things like honoring God, but they do still matter. Have you heard the idea of love languages? Different people need different things to feel loved and you do those little things for that person not because someone told you you have to but because you love them and you want them to know that and feel loved. In some cases the "gentlemanly" behavior may be an important part of a person's love language and I don't think that is a problem as long as the little acts are done out of love and caring.

 

• Just a comment - what if doing the "chivalrous" thing is received as love by the other person. Sometimes love isn't as clearly defined as we think it could or should be.... I think a lot of women feel loved by having guys do certain things for them. Personally I am kind of weirded out by a guy who would have me sit in the car while he ran around and opened the door for me, but on the other hand, I always unlock my passenger's door first before I open mine. I think it's more about the other person's love language, so to speak, and how they receive love. Giving a girl flowers is a cultural thing, and neutral as far as I know in the Bible, but can make women feel special/loved.

 

• "Tim, C S Lewis essay: "The Necessity of Chivalry" is a must read. It is one included in the "Present Concerns essays" ... We men need a balance between ferocious protecting and genteel manners. The extremes are barbarians and Joe spineless milk toast..."

 

• I have quite a different perspective on this coming from the deep South. Southern Antebellum culture was intentionally modeled after books like Ivanhoe, even down to adopting jousting as a hobby. The ideal women were fair and plump because it meant they had a man capable enough, blessed enough, or who loved them enough to provide for them. While expectations have significantly subsided in this post-invasion era, many traditions are still very commonplace. I was taken back initially at [] that women would actually comment that I was "so polite" for making gestures without a second thought including opening doors for women, children, and elderly, removing my hat when indoors, saying Ma'am or miss. I was appalled when I saw a gent get stuck holding the door as very capable men would pass through as if they were entitled to the service. As far as  treating women with respect, it stems from the idea of headship. Men are called to be priest, prophet, and protector of the weaker vessels within their sphere of influence. The number one trait of a good leader is servant-hood. Lavishing upon women is to share in the abundance of blessing afforded us by God.  But like anything, if it is done out of obligation, it is not love. That is difficult to keep in perspective.

 

• Finally, a conversation with other friends cited the following passage from 1 Corinthians 9: "19 For though I am free from all men, I have made myself a slave to all, so that I may win more.  20To the Jews I became as a Jew, so that I might win Jews; to those who are under the Law, as under the Law though not being myself under the Law, so that I might win those who are under the Law;  21to those who are without law, as without law, though not being without the law of God but under the law of Christ, so that I might win those who are without law.  22To the weak I became weak, that I might win the weak; I have become all things to all men, so that I may by all means save some."  -  and the application was argued that chivalry is one of those things - that some cultures and regions of the world place a high value on chivalry such that one needs to "speak chivalry as the cultural language" in order to avoid making any unnecessary stumbling blocks for the spread of the gospel in that place.

 

My previous post argued that chivalry was generally "ok", though most of it was already covered by the Bible's commands about agape love, and parts of it were either completely silly, neutral, or anti-Biblical, and that one ought to seek intimacy with God rather than chivalry.

In light of all the comments, it seems that most people agree that chivalry is more of a cultural thing than a moral thing, but they caveat that there are times when speaking the cultural language of chivalry might be the morally right thing to do.  For example, if you're married to a woman whose "love language" is chivalry, or if you're trying to share Christ with people whose culture is strongly chivalrous.  1 Cor 9:22 is a pretty powerful verse... it seems to imply that anything cultural pattern that's not actually "Biblically-wrong"/"immoral" is fair game to "wear" for kingdom purposes.

Chivalry versus Love

What are your thoughts on chivalry?  Is it a good thing?  A bad thing?  What is it, precisely?

My 'pet peeve' against 'chivalry' continues to grow with each passing month... and so this post continues a discussion of chivalry started in a previous post (http://tim223.xanga.com/721860037/godliness-versus-the-art-of-manliness/).  (However, when I say I dislike chivalry, you'll have to read more to see what I mean). A micro outline of what follows: first, some attempts at defining chivalry.  Second, an initial comparison with the Bible.  Third, a deadly danger of chivalry.  Fourth, some frustrating common-sense contradictions and rants about chivalry.  Finally, an exhortation.  I have had so many thoughts about this subject that I am sure I'll not be able to write it all - please then, if you agree or disagree or want to clarify or caveat, post your comment and let's continue the discussion!

First then, what is chivalry? 

The first two definitions from Dictionary.com say:

Chivalry: 1. the sum of the ideal qualifications of a knight, including courtesy, generosity, valor, and dexterity in arms. 2. the rules and customs of medieval knighthood.

Reference.com expands a bit more... "a fusion of Christian and military concepts of morality and still form the basis of gentlemanly conduct"... The chief chivalric virtues were piety, honor, valor, courtesy, chastity, and loyalty. The knight's loyalty was due to the spiritual master, God; to the temporal master, the suzerain; and to the mistress of the heart, his sworn love. Love, in the chivalrous sense, was largely platonic; as a rule, only a virgin or another man's wife could be the chosen object of chivalrous love."
"In practice, chivalric conduct was never free from corruption, increasingly evident in the later Middle Ages. Courtly love often deteriorated into promiscuity and adultery and pious militance into barbarous warfare. Moreover, the chivalric duties were not owed to those outside the bounds of feudal obligation. The outward trappings of chivalry and knighthood declined in the 15th cent., by which time wars were fought for victory and individual valor was irrelevant."

I think that characterization of chivalry as a "fusion" of Christian and military/cultural precepts is deadly accurate.   My desire is to separate out this "fusion" into what I am beginning to understand are its two constitutive parts: God's law, and cultural traditions.

First, a bit more definition of chivalry.  The above definitions implicated "courtly love".  Ask.com gives the following definition of "courtly love" -
"Courtly love was a medieval European conception of nobly and chivalrously expressing love and admiration. Generally, courtly love was secret and between members of the nobility. It was also generally not practiced between husband and wife.
    [ right away the above statement should be a red flag that 'courtly love' is antibiblical... ]
Courtly love began in the ducal and princely courts of Aquitaine, Provence, Champagne and ducal Burgundy, at the end of the eleventh century. In essence, courtly love was an experience between erotic desire and spiritual attainment that now seems contradictory, "a love at once illicit and morally elevating, passionate and disciplined, humiliating and exalting, human and transcendent".
The term "courtly love" was first popularized by Gaston Paris in 1883, and has since come under a wide variety of definitions and uses, even being dismissed as nineteenth-century romantic fiction. Its interpretation, origins and influences continue to be a matter of critical debate.
Richard Trachsler claims that "the concept of courtly literature is linked to the idea of the existence of courtly texts, texts produced and read by men and women sharing some kind of elaborate culture they all have in common." (Busby) He argues that many of the texts that scholars claim to be courtly also include "uncourtly" texts, and argues that there is no clear way to determine "where courtliness ends and uncourtliness starts"."

Well, that sounds pretty yucky.  But maybe chivalry is higher and better than "courtly love"...?  Or at least, some parts of chivalry...?

Here are a few more links:
http://www.chronique.com/Library/Chivalry/code.htm - a distillation of chivalry principles: Prowess, Justice, Loyalty, Defense, Courage, Faith, Humility, Largesse, Nobility, Franchise.

http://mysuperchargedlife.com/blog/men-revive-chivalry-virtue-honor-love/ - with some practical examples of so-called modern chivalry

http://medievalisms.blogspot.com/2007/02/death-of-chivalry.html - I like this phrase: "...courtesy is rooted in practicality."

 http://community.artofmanliness.com/group/chivalry/forum/topics/current-forms-of-chivalry
Quote:
"Have any of you cats ever heard of Southern Manners? I live in Virginia, below the Mason-Dixon, and In recent years have begun making every attempt to practice Southern manners. All allusions to slavery aside, as that is a thing of the past, and distasteful, I'm quite proud to be a Southern Man.
I open the door for women, I stop if I see them stranded on the side of the road (flat tire, etc..), if I see a mother with multiple children and armload/shopping cart full of groceries, I can't help but ask if she needs a hand. Standing up when a woman leaves the house, or the table (I'm working on making this one habit, it's a new one to me), as well as common table manners.... All these things are part of being a true Southern Gentleman, in my personal opinion."

Next, this five-part series from The Rebelution, a blog of Christians Alex and Brett Harris (brothers of Josh 'I Kissed Dating Goodbye' Harris), including an interesting quote from Al Mohler.   My basic question after reading their posts is:  "From whom comes this call to be 'chivalrous' and 'gentlemanly' and to 'do hard things' in general?  Does it come from God??? or from man???"
http://www.therebelution.com/blog/2006/08/modern-day-gentleman/
http://www.therebelution.com/blog/2006/08/when-lancelot-comes-riding-part-1/
http://www.therebelution.com/blog/2006/09/the-big-misunderstanding/
http://www.therebelution.com/blog/2006/09/receiving-counterfeit-chivalry/
http://www.therebelution.com/blog/2006/09/when-chivalry-is-inconvenient/

Finally, http://marshall.freeshell.org/chivalry.html - This link is a great collection of actual examples of ancient chivalry and chivalry principles (and some courtly love principles).  It includes such things as "defend the weak and innocent" and "avoid lying" and "be polite and attentive."   This article is only perhaps one or two pages long and is worth reading if you are at all interested in chivalry and this discussion.

Those things sound great!  "Defend the weak and innocent" sounds like Isaiah 58 and SO MANY other places in the Bible -

    6"Is this not the fast which I choose,
         To loosen the bonds of wickedness,
         To undo the bands of the yoke,
         And to let the oppressed go free
         And break every yoke?
    7"Is it not to divide your bread with the hungry
         And bring the homeless poor into the house;
         When you see the naked, to cover him;
         And not to hide yourself from your own flesh?
    8"Then your light will break out like the dawn,
         And your recovery will speedily spring forth;
         And your righteousness will go before you;
         The glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.
    9"Then you will call, and the LORD will answer;
         You will cry, and He will say, 'Here I am '
         If you remove the yoke from your midst,
         The pointing of the finger and speaking wickedness,
    10And if you give yourself to the hungry
         And satisfy the desire of the afflicted,
         Then your light will rise in darkness
         And your gloom will become like midday.

Actually however, the Bible's teaching about love completely obviates, precedes, supercedes, and in every way blows chivalry out of the water:
 
Matthew 22
 35One of them, a lawyer, asked Him a question, testing Him,
 36"Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?"
 37And He said to him, " 'You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.'
 38"This is the great and foremost commandment.
 39"The second is like it, 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.'
 40"On these two commandments depend the whole Law and the Prophets."
 
and

"Treat others the same way you want them to treat you."  (Luke 6:31)

 

Here then is my basic thought about chivalry - Chivalry adds nothing of value to the Bible's teaching about love, but it adds a lot of dangerous cultural baggage. 

Cultural baggage by itself can be bad, because it makes people try to safeguard tradition at the expense of God's law (Mark 7:8), but there is a deeper danger - chivalry makes people feel good about their own politeness and big public acts of altruism, leading them to deceive their own souls about their own actual inner wickedness and desperate need for God's salvation.

The good can be the enemy of the best.  Chivalry can mask people's need for the gospel.  Recall this short and hard-hitting story from Jesus (Luke 18) -

And He also told this parable to some people who trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and viewed others with contempt:
"Two men went up into the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee stood and was praying this to himself: 'God, I thank You that I am not like other people: swindlers, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. 'I fast twice a week; I pay tithes of all that I get.'
But the tax collector, standing some distance away, was even unwilling to lift up his eyes to heaven, but was beating his breast, saying, 'God, be merciful to me, the sinner!'
I tell you, this man went to his house justified rather than the other; for everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but he who humbles himself will be exalted.""

Is there anything wrong with fasting twice a week or tithing?  What does Jesus' story imply?  Didn't Jesus himself fast and pay money to the temple?

Is there anything wrong with chivalry?  If it gives you confidence in your own 'nobility' and 'courtesy' and 'integrity', it is leading you straight into hell.

Where is your righteousness?   Where is my righteousness?  If we are trusting in ourselves, we are lost!  Only if we are trusting in Jesus and His death/life/goodness on our behalf are we safe and right with God.

At this point some one will say, "Tim, I agree with you on the importance of admitting one's absolute wickedness before God and one's absolute dependence on Jesus for salvation.  But after one is saved, when we are urged to 'walk in a manner worthy of your calling' (Ephesians 4), surely chivalry is at least a reasonably correct set of guidelines?"

The aspects of chivalry that align with the Bible's command to love one's neighbor as oneself, yes.  But are there not some aspects of "Southern Gentlemanliness" and chivalry that are purely cultural and have no love-your-neighbor value?

How about these questions toward figuring out what parts of the chivalry guidelines are useful and what parts are not:
  - Can this practice be applied by either men or women?  (since both men and women are required to love their neighbors as themselves)
  - Does this practice demonstrate love toward the other person?  ('agape' self-sacrificial love, not 'eros' "cant-stop-thinking-about-you"/romantic/'courtly'/Hollywood love)

How about some examples of classically "chivalrous" deeds (please remind me of any other classics that come to mind!)...

1. Holding open a building door for someone

This would seem to fit into 'looking out for the other person's best interest (Philippians 2)/agape love', as in seeking to minimize their expenditure of calories and sending a signal of friendship in being aware of their presence and small 'need'.  Also, it's something that a man could do for a woman or a woman for a man.  If the person being helped was physically weak or handicapped, it would definitely fit this category.

2. Men (specifically) holding open building doors for women (specifically)

This would seem to be a cultural artifact.  Are women physically in "need of help" in getting the door open?  Not in most cases.  It seems to be a case of:  'Chivalrous gentlemen always hold the door open for women.'  'Why?'  'Because that's the way it's always been.' 

3. Same as above for helping someone carry heavy items, assisting at a roadside breakdown, helping a beleaguered person in an unjust fight, etc.  It would seem that these could be applied equally to men or women and could be expressions of agape love.

4. Standing up when a woman enters the room

How does this demonstrate agape love?  Is this not a mere cultural tradition?  If I'm wrong on these things, please let me know.

5. A man coming around to the passenger side car door to open the door for his wife

Again, how does this demonstrate love?  Is the woman physically unable to open the door for herself?  If the woman came around to the drivers' side door to open the door for her husband, would that likewise demonstrate love? 

6. In certain African countries, it is the culture for men to laze in the shade while the women carry heavy loads of water pots, wood piles, etc and tend the gardens.  In many places it would be culturally inappropriate for a man to "do woman's work" in helping his wife physically.  But would "love your neighbor as yourself" call the man to a different role? 

7. A man throws his coat down over a puddle so that a woman can walk over it

Hmmm...  why not have both people walk around the puddle?       Seriously though, wouldn't it be equally loving for the woman to do it for the man, or the man to do it for the woman?

8. A man helping his wife put her coat on, and/or a woman helping her husband putting his coat on...

Seems applicable to both men and women.  What about a random man 'helping' random women put their coats on or random women 'helping' random men put their coats on?  Eh... probably shady and thus unadvisable, depending on the situation.

9. A man offers his chair for a woman, then stands or takes a floor seat

This would seem to be potentially applicable for both men and women, as a gesture of welcome.  I.e. a man could do this for another man, or a woman could do this for a man, etc.  "Culture" and "chivalry" prescribe this only in the case of a man for a woman (perhaps from a background of trying-to-impress-the-girl?), but love would seem to prescribe this equally to and from all...?   On the other hand, if the newcomer to the room was a pregnant woman or an elderly man or a handicapped man or someone else who could really use a seat, agape-love would seem to absolutely impel such behavior.  I.e not "I'm giving up my seat because that's the type of high-quality man that I am", but instead "I'm giving up my seat because I delight to show agape-love to other people because that's the type of love that God has shown to me, wretch that I am."

 

Finally then, an exhortation.  

It is a well known general principle that men tend to seek to be respected, honored, and admired while women tend to seek to be cherished, accepted, and loved.  This seems to be part of the way that God has 'wired' us... and God's commands for husbands and wives perfectly fit men's and women's wiring: "Husbands... love [agape] your wives"; "Wives... submit yourselves to your husbands" (Ephesians 4-6 and many other places in the Bible).

However, if you try to get your satisfaction from other people (whether spouse, family, or friends), you will end up empty and broken.  Your and my ultimate satisfaction, for those of us who are followers of Jesus Christ, will only come after this life....

Hebrews 11-13, 13:14 "For here we do not have a lasting city, but we are seeking the city which is to come."

Matthew 13:44 "The kingdom of heaven is like a treasure hidden in the field, which a man found and hid again; and from joy over it he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field."

Lamentations 3:24- "'The Lord is my portion,' says my soul, 'therefore I have hope in Him.'"

Women, find your satisfaction in the God who offers you true love (pathetic though you are)! If you're married, don't complain that your husband is unchivalrous to you.  If you're unmarried, don't seek the perfect 'Southern Gentleman' and expect that he will make you happy.  Instead, revel and be filled and satisfied with God's perfect, eternal, unchanging love, in Christ Jesus, for you!  (and don't settle for anything less than a man who LOVES [agape] God and others, and seek to instill this in yourself too ("I, Isaac, take thee, Rebekah")).
"Who will separate us from the love of Christ? Will tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? Just as it is written,
         "For your sake we are being put to death all day long;
         We were considered as sheep to be slaughtered."
But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."  (Romans 8:35-39, see also 8:28-34)

Men, find your satisfaction in the God who offers you true glory and honor (despicable though you are)!  If you're married and your wife disrespects you and denies your requests and bosses you around, remember that God's esteem and approval is far more important to seek than hers... don't put your energy toward becoming a chivalrous gentleman; put your energy toward knowing God and making Him known.  If you're unmarried, don't expect to someday find the perfect woman who will completely satisfy you, nor attempt to add more 'chivalry' to your life in order to attract such a woman.  Remember Jesus' question "How can you believe, when you receive glory from one another and you do not seek the glory that is from the one and only God?" (John 5:44) and Psalm 73:25-26 "Whom have I in heaven but You? [God]     And besides You, I desire nothing on earth.    My flesh and my heart may fail,     But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."  Practice loving [agape] others (Genesis 24:19) as Jesus Christ has loved you...
Remember the inestimably glorious call of God:
   Thus says the LORD,
         "Heaven is My throne and the earth is My footstool.
   Where then is a house you could build for Me?
         And where is a place that I may rest?
   "For My hand made all these things,
         Thus all these things came into being," declares the LORD.
   "But to this one I will look,
         To him who is humble and contrite of spirit, and who trembles at My word.

 

Here's a powerful and well-worth-reading excerpt!!

 

Taken from http://www.monergism.com/acidtest.html

The Acid Test of Being a Christian

"See how great a love the Father has bestowed on us, that we would be called children of God; and such we are For this reason the world does not know us, because it did not know Him. Beloved, now we are children of God, and it has not appeared as yet what we will be We know that when He appears, we will be like Him, because we will see Him just as He is." (1 John 3:1-3)

The mark of knowing God is that you see God's love for you as a miracle. Notice this [text]: it says "how great". In the old King James it says "behold, what manner of love." Here it says, "how great a love" [NAS]. There is a Greek word that is used here that they are translating as "great" and the problem with the word is that it is an idiom. Idiomatic expressions are very hard to translate literally. We have an idiomatic expression: "its raining cats and dogs." Ok so if you are trying to translate that into Cantonese, German or into Japanese -- if you just say literally in those languages "it's raining cats and dogs" they will look at you: "what are you talking about?" You will have to find an idiomatic expression that is parallel or coordinate to that. Literally it says "behold, what country this love comes from" What this statement is really saying is "from what planet... how unreal...off the scale".

Remember there was a movie called "The Fisher King"? You wouldn't since hardly anybody saw this. Amanda Plummer plays this really klutzy, mousy, wallflower who has no friends. Robin Williams takes her out. At the end of the day he takes her in and says "I want to talk to you". She says "no, no, if you got to know me you would not like me. I am tired of rejection ... it was nice to go out. But everyone who gets to know me doesn't like me, so thanks." And Robin Williams says, "I do know you. I know that you think you are awkward. I know that you think you are clumsy. I know that you are kind of clumsy but I want you to know that I know who you are and I love you, and I will never leave you and I will never or forsake you." And she looks at him and its as if she is looking into the heart of what she thought was an enemy and she sees there understanding and love and she says, "Are you real?". This is a miracle that you love me.

[like this movie] This is saying, here is the way you can tell whether you are a Christian or just a moral person ... a Christian or a religious person. A real Christian is a person who says, "it is an absolute miracle that God's loves me. "It's just a miracle that I am a Christian." This is actually an acid test; let me just lay it on you here at the end. There are two kinds of people that go to church: there's religious people and real Christians. And the way you can tell the difference is that a Real Christian is somebody who sees everything that comes as a gift. In other words a real Christian sees that you are totally in debt to God, but a religious person is someone who is working hard and making an effort and trying to be good, going to Bible studies and just saying "no" everywhere, and denying themselves a lot of pleasures, and so forth, and a religious person is someone who is trying to put God in their debt. That is the difference. A religious person is someone who is trying to save themselves through their good works. A religious person is somebody who thinks they are putting God in their debt since they have tried so hard. A Christian is somebody who sees themselves as in God's debt.

Here is the acid test: If you are a Christian you have a spirit of wonder that permeates your life. You are always saying "how miraculous", "how interplanetary", "how unreal". You are always looking at yourself and saying, "me a Christian ... incredible, miraculous, unbelievable, a joke!!! " but a person who is trying to put God in their debt - there is none of that spirit of wonder at all. For example, when you show up to get your paycheck. I am assuming that most of you work hard for your money. When you show up for your paycheck do you say "Ah, BEHOLD!!!, you've paid me, you've given me money!!! Oh!! Are you real?." No, you don't do that, you say "of course you paid me, I worked." If you ask a religious person who does not understand the grace of God. you say, "Are you a Christian?" They say "Of course I am a Christian, I have always been a Christian. Sure I am a Christian. " My friends, if you are a Christian there is no "sure" about it and there is no "of courseness" about it, not a bit.

The acid test is your spirit of wonder stays there even when things go bad. You see when things go bad, when problems happen, here you can tell the difference between a moralist and a Christian. A moralist says, "what good is all my religion, what good is going to God, I have tried hard to be a Christian, I am trying hard to be obedient to God, and what good is it? God owes me." And you see you get mad. You say, "I have been trying hard and look what's going on in my love life, look what's going on in my career", and you get bitter. Why? because God owes you. But A Christian keeps that spirit of wonder. A Christian may say "my career has not gone too well, my love life has not gone too well, it's astonishing... Its amazing that God is as good as He is to me. Its all grace. Its all grace. That spirit of wonder. That sense of being a miracle. That everything that comes to you being an absolute mercy. That is an acid test.

In fact, in some ways I have made a dichotomy that is unrealistic. Christians, to the degree that you behold the free grace of God, to the degree that you meditate on it and you let it become a holy fire in your heart, to the degree you experience and behold the love of God, to that degree you are going to find that to difficulties you will be able to say "oh well, my Father must have a purpose here because He loves me, and besides that, He does not owe me a good life. He owes me a far worse life than I've got." You can handle anything. And when good things come you will say "Behold! what a miracle" And the very fact you can get up in the morning and say, "I am a Christian. Who would have thought it?" There is a spirit of wonder about you, and if you have lost that you are slipping back into moralism, you are slipping back into thinking "well I guess what it means to be a Christian is just to do." Here is Christianity:

And can it be that I should gain
an interest in the Savior's blood!
Died he for me? who caused his pain!
For me? who him to death pursued?
Amazing love! How can it be
that thou, my God, shouldst die for me?

The wonder is a mark that you know the Lord. The ability to handle anything with that sense of almost childlike wonder. That sense of being a miracle. That tells you that you know him.

Let us love and sing and wonder,
Let us praise the Savior's Name!
He has hushed the law's loud thunder,
He has quenched Mount Sinai's flame.
He has wash'd us with His blood,
He has brought us nigh to God.

"Raising a daughter is like watering your neighbor's garden."

-- fascinating, horrible, quote from this article examining the trend of 'gendercide' (more and more baby girls being aborted around the world).

This raises again the old questions of morality and altruism, for atheists.  Why should one be good to one's fellow man, if one does not believe in an afterlife?  Especially if it inconveniences you?  Why water your neighbor's garden?  Why succor people who are 'inconvenient' to care for and who don't have any potential to repay you (at least in the way you desire), like the baby girls of that article, or elderly people, or handicapped people?

For those of us who believe in the one true God (described in the Bible) and His Son Jesus Christ, the reasons and motivations to love our neighbor (even when it requres self sacrifice) are compelling.  Not that we are trying to 'increase our reproductive success'.  Not that because we are 'guilted into it'...  Not because we are trying to earn our way to heaven... Not that we are trying to better our karma for a higher reincarnation and eventual absorption into nothingness... Not simply that it makes our earthly lives more pleasant in the long run...

Instead, because we ourselves have already been shown huge, specific, mercy through Jesus' sacrifice of Himself to die for our sins.  And because God has already given us the undeserved hope and reward of eternal life in glory out of "the surpassing riches of His grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus".

Why do we, disciples of Jesus Christ, go out of our way to help those who are struggling around us?  Because we want to - because it's what God did for us - because of the incredible inheritance that God has given us...

Luke 14:12-14

And He also went on to say to the one who had invited Him, "When you give a luncheon or a dinner, do not invite your friends or your brothers or your relatives or rich neighbors, otherwise they may also invite you in return and that will be your repayment. But when you give a reception, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, and you will be blessed, since they do not have the means to repay you; for you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous."

What things do you "eagerly seek" in your life?  (Matthew 6:32)

Last night I watched the astonishing opening ceremony of the Olympics (hosting the cream of the world's best and most beautiful/handsome athletes and the top dignitaries of Canada) with a group of handsome, beautiful, talented, witty, 'impressive' young adults.  Today I came across the "Art of Manliness" website, with thousands of posts and subscribers from the last 3 years, aspiring to impart chivalry, gentlemanliness, and other so-called manly arts to the masses of modern men.  Manly skills, manly hobbies, manly secrets, manly relationships, "What can manly men expect of women", etc.  Al Mohler posts regularly about 'christian manhood', such as here and here.  John Eldredge calls men to 'love and war' and casts men as rangers, warriors, beauty-pursuers, kings, and sages.  Many more authors and speakers call us to being 'raised right', heroism, and chivalry.  Many bemoan the wussification of our culture.

Yet what says God, our Maker?  Do we not hear in the Bible the call of a completely separate goal (than being manly (or womanly), respected (or loved), successful (or secure), chivalrous (or captivating), and satisfied in this life)?

"What do you mean, Tim?" you might ask.  "What's wrong with these things?"

Please consider these verses -

 

And He also told this parable to some people who trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and viewed others with contempt:
"Two men went up into the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector.
The Pharisee stood and was praying this to himself: 'God, I thank You that I am not like other people: swindlers, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week; I pay tithes of all that I get.'
But the tax collector, standing some distance away, was even unwilling to lift up his eyes to heaven, but was beating his breast, saying, 'God, be merciful to me, the sinner!'
I tell you, this man went to his house justified rather than the other; for everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but he who humbles himself will be exalted."   Luke 18:9-14

 

"How can you believe, when you <SUP class=xref value='(BA)'>receive glory from one another and you do not seek <SUP class=xref value='(BB)'>the glory that is from <SUP class=xref value='(BC)'>the one and only God?"  John 5:44

 

Now the Pharisees, who were lovers of money, were listening to all these things and were scoffing at Him.
And He said to them, "You are those who justify yourselves in the sight of men, but God knows your hearts; for that which is highly esteemed among men is detestable in the sight of God."   Luke 16:14-15

 

Thus says the LORD,
     "Heaven is My throne and the earth is My footstool
         Where then is a house you could build for Me?
         And where is a place that I may rest?
         For My hand made all these things,
         Thus all these things came into being," declares the LORD. 
     "But to this one I will look,
         To him who is humble and contrite of spirit, and who trembles at My word."
             Isaiah 66:1-2

 

Would you rather have manliness (or womanliness), or the approval of God?   Which lasts forever?  

Would you rather be considered clever, or have people understand that Jesus Christ is mighty to save?  

Would you rather be a manly man (or confident/captivating woman), or be a "weak", "humble", "contrite", "trembling" man (or woman) who has eyes and ears only for God's approval?

 

Interesting link --  http://movein.to/vision/

We are encouraging all young Christians to ask themselves to move where they move on purpose and to challenge their default motivations.  Sadly, it seems to have become the norm for Christians to move into a neighbourhood not because of the need or because of a calling to reach it, but because it is convenient. Furthermore, neighbourhoods that are inconvenient or unsafe are avoided.

It is time for Christians to move into neighbourhoods because they are not safe - to move into neighbourhoods that are messy and have high crime rates, high poverty rates, low standards of living, and a disproportionate representation of Christ.

“It has always been my ambition to preach the gospel where Christ was not known, so that I would not be building on someone else’s foundation.” Paul, Romans 15:20

The questions about the Canaanite conquests recorded in the Bible used to bother me a lot, and since one of my friends recently raised the questions with me, I thought I'd post a few thoughts on it.  Below I'll point people to Glenn Miller's article at http://christian-thinktank.com/qamorite.html , and discuss four other thoughts:
1. "Justice" will indeed be done, but not fully until Judgment Day.  Until then only limited/partial justice will be seen here on earth...
2. Fairness - what do we really deserve?  What did the Canaanites really deserve?
3. God is the 'Landlord'... and so He has the right to evict destructive tenants...
4. True love always implies hatred of anything that hurts the beloved.  Besides loving the Israelites in a special way, did not God have some concern/love for all the people that the Canaanite nations were abusing and killing?  Did not God hear their cries?

 

------

The questions include:  How could a "God of love" order the destruction of millions of people?  What about the innocent babies and children?  What right did Israel have to come in and take over other countries' land?  How should one respond when other groups today use same passages to justify their wars of aggression (the Crusades, Jihad, etc)?

If you have time, Glenn Miller's articles (such as http://christian-thinktank.com/qamorite.html ) are excellent and thought-provoking.  He has five to ten related articles about these things, and they're all fascinating.  They have helped me through these questions.  Here's a brief quote from his article:

"Did God actually command Israel to do this, or did they just invent this divine sanction to justify territorial greed or genocidal tendencies?
Why would God use a nation as questionable as the post-Exodus Israelites to deliver His "judgment" on the Canaanites? (Why not just use natural disasters, such as earthquakes [Num 16], volcanic-type phenomena [Gen 19], or plague [2 Kgs 19.35]?)
What about all the innocent people killed in this "holy war"--families, "good" Canaanites, etc.? Even if it is 'okay' for God to execute judgment on nations within history, why didn't He only kill the evil-doers?
Doesn't wholesale slaughter of nations seem a little incompatible with a God of Love and Mercy?

These are NOT simple or light questions (if your heart is in right!), and so we must be VERY thorough in our analysis of the situation. We will need to approach this issue from a number of different sides, to make sure we have seen it clearly and from a large-enough perspective.
We will use the following question-set in analyzing the issue:

Do we have any precedents, paradigm cases, or similar incidents of such orders/actions to annihilate?
Who exactly WERE these people that God wanted Israel to 'exterminate'?
Were there any limits placed upon Israel in this venture, and what was the EXACT content of the orders?
What general principles of God's governance might shed some light on the situation?"

[end quote from Miller's article]

Miller also discusses the "eviction" aspect of God's command to the Israelites ("drive them out"), noting that in most cases the Canaanites were free to convert to Judaism and follow God, or leave the country (and God gave them 40 years to do so! after hearing about the Israelites' leaving Egypt, until they actually crossed the Jordan)... I.e., there were only a few specific battles in which God said "you shall not leave anyone alive".
Here are some more thoughts to consider.

1. Consider what "justice" really means.  According to the Bible, God is just, but the full application of His justice will not be seen until Judgement Day. Here are a few out of many passages:

1 Corinthians 4:5
"Therefore do not go on passing judgment before the time, but wait until the Lord comes who will both bring to light the things hidden in the darkness and disclose the motives of men's hearts; and then each man's praise will come to him from God."

Luke 12:
47"And that slave who knew his master's will and did not get ready or act in accord with his will, will receive many lashes, 48but the one who did not know it, and committed deeds worthy of a flogging, will receive but few. From everyone who has been given much, much will be required; and to whom they entrusted much, of him they will ask all the more.

Revelation 20:12-13
"And I saw the dead, the great and the small, standing before the throne, and books were opened; and another book was opened, which is the book of life; and the dead were judged from the things which were written in the books, according to their deeds. And the sea gave up the dead which were in it, and death and Hades gave up the dead which were in them; and they were judged, every one of them according to their deeds."

So in the end, everything will be meted out justly...  Every wicked deed will be appropriately recompensed, and every good deed likewise.

But in THIS life, on this side of Judgement Day, life is obviously "not fair".  Good people get cancer and have their houses destroyed by hurricanes.  Drug barons drive around in fancy luxurious cars while ordering the killing of innocent fathers and mothers and policemen.  Innocent Christians in many countries are thrown in jail and worse simply because they are Christians.

There is SOME general sense in which the righteous 'usually' prosper 'in general', as Psalms and Proverbs state repeatedly, e.g. "The curse of the LORD is on the house of the wicked, But He blesses the dwelling of the righteous." (Proverbs 3:33)   But as the book of Job poetically explains, many times those who are righteous have HUGE troubles in their lives.

Jesus answered a similar question in John 9:1-3:
"As He passed by, He saw a man blind from birth.
And His disciples asked Him, "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he would be born blind?"
Jesus answered, "It was neither that this man sinned, nor his parents; but it was so that the works of God might be displayed in him."

Abraham was told that the Canaanites would be given hundreds of years to repent, before the order to destroy them was finally given:  Genesis 15:13-16
"God said to Abram, "Know for certain that your descendants will be strangers in a land that is not theirs, where they will be enslaved and oppressed four hundred years.
But I will also judge the nation whom they will serve, and afterward they will come out with many possessions.
As for you, you shall go to your fathers in peace; you will be buried at a good old age.
Then in the fourth generation they will return here, for the iniquity of the Amorite is not yet complete."

And the author of Psalm 73 likewise asks why the wicked seem to have it so good... here on earth at least...

   1Surely God is good to Israel,
To those who are pure in heart!
2But as for me, my feet came close to stumbling,
My steps had almost slipped.
3For I was envious of the arrogant
As I saw the prosperity of the wicked.
4For there are no pains in their death,
And their body is fat.
5They are not in trouble as other men,
Nor are they plagued like mankind.
6Therefore pride is their necklace;
The garment of violence covers them.
7Their eye bulges from fatness;
The imaginations of their heart run riot.
8They mock and wickedly speak of oppression;
They speak from on high.
9They have set their mouth against the heavens,
And their tongue parades through the earth.
10Therefore his people return to this place,
And waters of abundance are drunk by them.
11They say, "How does God know?
And is there knowledge with the Most High?"
12Behold, these are the wicked;
And always at ease, they have increased in wealth.
13Surely in vain I have kept my heart pure
And washed my hands in innocence;
14For I have been stricken all day long
And chastened every morning.
15If I had said, "I will speak thus,"
Behold, I would have betrayed the generation of Your children.
16When I pondered to understand this,
It was troublesome in my sight
17Until I came into the sanctuary of God;
Then I perceived their end.
18Surely You set them in slippery places;
You cast them down to destruction.
19How they are destroyed in a moment!
They are utterly swept away by sudden terrors!
20Like a dream when one awakes,
O Lord, when aroused, You will despise their form.
In conclusion of this first observation, any "justice" we see on earth is only partial.  Sometimes the wicked are punished, but sometimes they are not... here on earth.   Eventually, at the Judgement Day, everyone will get what they deserve (or better than they deserve, because of Jesus Christ).

As Glenn Miller puts it in his article, "On those very rare occasions when God displays His judgment within human history, it is very sobering and one which we find genuinely disturbing..."

 

2. On "fairness" and "justice", this question seems crucial:   What do we all truly deserve?  

For those of us who honestly see our own heart's wickedness and who believe what the Bible says about the evil of the human heart, the only answer is the Bible's answer (Romans 6:23) -  we all deserve death and hell.

That is, the question about the Canaanite destruction is really not "how could a loving God command that millions of people be killed,"  but "Why would a holy God refrain from immediately destroying people such as the Canaanites or such as ourselves, when we commit such abhorrent sin all the time?"

The latter question doesn't seem as relevant as the former to us sometimes, but it's because we often whitewash our own sins in our minds, and we forget the true horror of them.

What about 'innocent' babies?  Well, although they haven't yet committed many conscious sins, they have the same corrupt soul and 'bent-toward-sinning' that all the rest of us are born with.  It is only a matter of time before their evil hearts cause them to commit specific sins.  As far as I can tell, God would be completely justified in destroying all of us, just as one might destroy a weed ravaging one's garden or a plate of moldy food in one's refrigerator.

But He doesn't...    He waits with extreme patience, and calls us to repentance, and pays the price of our sins HIMSELF through Jesus Christ so that we can be forgiven.
3. "God is the landlord."  That is, God owns the universe, and it seems reasonable that He has the right to evict tenants who don't follow His rules and who abuse His creation.   He could use anything - a flood, a plague, an earthquake... or, in principle, a human army.   God the Landlord can delegate and authorize human agents to be his eviction representatives...

The main difficulty would then seem to be: how do we know that it's really God who's behind some agressive attack?  I think there is actually a smaller number of attacking armies than one might initially think who specifically claim to be acting on God's authority.... and each one's case has to be evaluated individually.  Two common ones might be the Crusades and the current jihadis.  The claim of the Crusades to be on God's authorization would stem back to the Popes and their alleged infallibility.  The claim of the jihadis to be authorized in killing 'infidels' would stem back to Mu ha m mad and his claims about the Qur an.

Essentially the question about the Canaanite battles is closely related to the question of the death penalty and whether it's ever justified.  It seems pretty clear to me that in some cases it is...  Genesis 9:6 - "Whoever sheds man's blood, By man his blood shall be shed, For in the image of God He made man."
4. True love implies enmity against anything that hurts the beloved.   Related to the previous point, when the Canaanites were sacrificing their children by burning them alive for hundreds of years, or raiding the sick and weak stragglers of the Israelite camp, or ravaging the hearts and bodies of so many within their own nation by their fertility-cult immorality, God was listening.  He is not deaf.  He is "the God who sees" (El-Roi - Genesis 16...)    Anyone who cared about the Canaanite babies and who had the power to do something about it would naturally be expected to do something about it...

Here is some of what the Bible says about the Canaanite practices:  (copied from Glenn Miller's qamorite article... he also cites what secular scholars have found from extrabiblical sources)

The LORD said to Moses, 2 "Speak to the Israelites and say to them: `I am the LORD your God. 3 You must not do as they do in Egypt, where you used to live, and you must not do as they do in the land of Canaan, where I am bringing you. Do not follow their practices. 4 You must obey my laws and be careful to follow my decrees. I am the LORD your God. 5 Keep my decrees and laws, for the man who obeys them will live by them. I am the LORD.
6 "`No one is to approach any close relative to have sexual relations. I am the LORD.
7 "`Do not dishonor your father by having sexual relations with your mother. She is your mother; do not have relations with her.
8 "`Do not have sexual relations with your father's wife; that would dishonor your father.
9 "`Do not have sexual relations with your sister, either your father's daughter or your mother's daughter, whether she was born in the same home or elsewhere.
10 "`Do not have sexual relations with your son's daughter or your daughter's daughter; that would dishonor you.
11 "`Do not have sexual relations with the daughter of your father's wife, born to your father; she is your sister.
12 "`Do not have sexual relations with your father's sister; she is your father's close relative.
13 "`Do not have sexual relations with your mother's sister, because she is your mother's close relative.
14 "`Do not dishonor your father's brother by approaching his wife to have sexual relations; she is your aunt.
15 "`Do not have sexual relations with your daughter-in-law. She is your son's wife; do not have relations with her.
16 "`Do not have sexual relations with your brother's wife; that would dishonor your brother.
17 "`Do not have sexual relations with both a woman and her daughter. Do not have sexual relations with either her son's daughter or her daughter's daughter; they are her close relatives. That is wickedness.
18 "`Do not take your wife's sister as a rival wife and have sexual relations with her while your wife is living.
19 "`Do not approach a woman to have sexual relations during the uncleanness of her monthly period.
20 "`Do not have sexual relations with your neighbor's wife and defile yourself with her.
21 "`Do not give any of your children to be sacrificed to Molech, for you must not profane the name of your God. I am the LORD.
22 "`Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman; that is detestable.
23 "`Do not have sexual relations with an animal and defile yourself with it. A woman must not present herself to an animal to have sexual relations with it; that is a perversion.
24 "`Do not defile yourselves in any of these ways, because this is how the nations that I am going to drive out before you became defiled. 25 Even the land was defiled; so I punished it for its sin, and the land vomited out its inhabitants. 26 But you must keep my decrees and my laws. The native-born and the aliens living among you must not do any of these detestable things, 27 for all these things were done by the people who lived in the land before you, and the land became defiled. 28 And if you defile the land, it will vomit you out as it vomited out the nations that were before you. 29 "`Everyone who does any of these detestable things -- such persons must be cut off from their people. 30 Keep my requirements and do not follow any of the detestable customs that were practiced before you came and do not defile yourselves with them. I am the LORD your God.'" (Lev 18)

You must not worship the LORD your God in their way, because in worshipping their gods, they do all kinds of detestable things the LORD hates. They even burn their sons and daughters in the fire as sacrifices to their gods. (Deut 12.31)

Let no one be found among you who sacrifices his son or daughter in the fire, (Deut 18.10)

There were even male shrine prostitutes in the land; the people engaged in all the detestable practices of the nations the LORD had driven out before the Israelites. (I Kgs 14.24)

So in summary of point #4, yes, it is shocking that God would order the destruction of some specific nations, but it is helpful to understand more about the practices of these nations, to put into context God's commanded destruction of them.