The other day I was struck by the frequency in the Bible in which God says, "do not fear!" to His people.  He is the consummate Shepherd to us fearful and faithless sheep.  The best of all Husbands to us worried and clingy Bride.  And He loves us, and His power is infinite.  "He works all things according to the counsel of His will" (Ephesians 1) and "it is [His] good pleasure to give [us] the Kingdom."

So here is a list, taken from some computer searches, of "fear not" type passages in the Bible.  Most of these were given to specific people in the past by God.  Some of them are statements from humans after God had shown them His power and love.   Most of these can be applied directly to us (those of us who are believers/disciples of Jesus Christ)!

Enjoy!!  Revel!!  Chew on these!!

---

Genesis 15:1
After these things the word of the LORD came to Abram in a vision, saying," Do not fear, Abram, I am a shield to you;  Your reward shall be very great."

Genesis 21:17
God heard the lad crying;  and the angel of God called to Hagar from heaven and said to her, "What is the matter with you, Hagar? Do not fear, for God has heard the voice of the lad where he is.

Genesis 26:24
The LORD appeared to him the same night and said, "I am the God of your father Abraham;  Do not fear, for I am with you. I will bless you, and multiply your descendants, For the sake of My servant Abraham."

Genesis 46:3
He said, "I am God, the God of your father;  do not be afraid to go down to Egypt, for I will make you a great nation there.

Exodus 14:13
But Moses said to the people, "Do not fear! Stand by and see the salvation of the LORD which He will accomplish for you today;  for the Egyptians whom you have seen today, you will never see them again forever.

Exodus 20:20
Moses said to the people, "Do not be afraid;  for God has come in order to test you, and in order that the fear of Him may remain with you, so that you may not sin."

Numbers 14:9
"Only do not rebel against the LORD;  and do not fear the people of the land, for they will be our prey. Their protection has been removed from them, and the LORD is with us;  do not fear them."

Numbers 21:34
But the LORD said to Moses, "Do not fear him, for I have given him into your hand, and all his people and his land;  and you shall do to him as you did to Sihon, king of the Amorites, who lived at Heshbon."

Deuteronomy 1:21
'See, the LORD your God has placed the land before you;  go up, take possession, as the LORD, the God of your fathers, has spoken to you. Do not fear or be dismayed.'

Deuteronomy 1:29
"Then I said to you, 'Do not be shocked, nor fear them.

Deuteronomy 3:2
"But the LORD said to me, 'Do not fear him, for I have delivered him and all his people and his land into your hand;  and you shall do to him just as you did to Sihon king of the Amorites, who lived at Heshbon.'

Deuteronomy 3:22
'Do not fear them, for the LORD your God is the one fighting for you.'

Deuteronomy 7:18-19
you shall not be afraid of them;  you shall well remember what the LORD your God did to Pharaoh and to all Egypt:
the great trials which your eyes saw and the signs and the wonders and the mighty hand and the outstretched arm by which the LORD your God brought you out. So shall the LORD your God do to all the peoples of whom you are afraid.

Deuteronomy 20:1
"When you go out to battle against your enemies and see horses and chariots and people more numerous than you, do not be afraid of them;  for the LORD your God, who brought you up from the land of Egypt, is with you.

Deuteronomy 20:3
"He shall say to them, 'Hear, O Israel, you are approaching the battle against your enemies today. Do not be fainthearted. Do not be afraid, or panic, or tremble before them,

Deuteronomy 20:8
"Then the officers shall speak further to the people and say, 'Who is the man that is afraid and fainthearted? Let him depart and return to his house, so that he might not make his brothers' hearts melt like his heart.'

Deuteronomy 31:6
"Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid or tremble at them, for the LORD your God is the one who goes with you. He will not fail you or forsake you."

Deuteronomy 31:8
" The LORD is the one who goes ahead of you;  He will be with you. He will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed."

Joshua 8:1
Now the LORD said to Joshua, " Do not fear or be dismayed Take all the people of war with you and arise, go up to Ai;  see, I have given into your hand the king of Ai, his people, his city, and his land.

Joshua 10:8
The LORD said to Joshua, "Do not fear them, for I have given them into your hands;  not one of them shall stand before you."

Joshua 10:25
Joshua then said to them, "Do not fear or be dismayed! Be strong and courageous, for thus the LORD will do to all your enemies with whom you fight."

Joshua 11:6
Then the LORD said to Joshua, " Do not be afraid because of them, for tomorrow at this time I will deliver all of them slain before Israel;  you shall hamstring their horses and burn their chariots with fire."

Judges 6:23
The LORD said to him, "Peace to you, do not fear;  you shall not die."

1 Samuel 12:20
Samuel said to the people, "Do not fear. You have committed all this evil, yet do not turn aside from following the LORD, but serve the LORD with all your heart.

1 Kings 17:13
Then Elijah said to her, "Do not fear;  go, do as you have said, but make me a little bread cake from it first and bring it out to me, and afterward you may make one for yourself and for your son.

2 Kings 6:16
So he answered, "Do not fear, for those who are with us are more than those who are with them."

2 Kings 19:6
Isaiah said to them, "Thus you shall say to your master, 'Thus says the LORD, "Do not be afraid because of the words that you have heard, with which the servants of the king of Assyria have blasphemed Me.

1 Chronicles 22:13
"Then you will prosper, if you are careful to observe the statutes and the ordinances which the LORD commanded Moses concerning Israel. Be strong and courageous, do not fear nor be dismayed.

1 Chronicles 28:20
Then David said to his son Solomon, " Be strong and courageous, and act;  do not fear nor be dismayed, for the LORD God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you nor forsake you until all the work for the service of the house of the LORD is finished.

2 Chronicles 20:15-17
and he said, "Listen, all Judah and the inhabitants of Jerusalem and King Jehoshaphat: thus says the LORD to you, 'Do not fear or be dismayed because of this great multitude, for the battle is not yours but God's.
'Tomorrow go down against them. Behold, they will come up by the ascent of Ziz, and you will find them at the end of the valley in front of the wilderness of Jeruel.
'You need not fight in this battle;  station yourselves, stand and see the salvation of the LORD on your behalf, O Judah and Jerusalem ' Do not fear or be dismayed;  tomorrow go out to face them, for the LORD is with you."

2 Chronicles 32:7
"Be strong and courageous, do not fear or be dismayed because of the king of Assyria nor because of all the horde that is with him;  for the one with us is greater than the one with him.

Nehemiah 4:14
When I saw their fear, I rose and spoke to the nobles, the officials and the rest of the people: "Do not be afraid of them;  remember the Lord who is great and awesome, and fight for your brothers, your sons, your daughters, your wives and your houses."

Psalm 3:6
I will not be afraid of ten thousands of people Who have set themselves against me round about.

Psalm 23:4
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for You are with me;  Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

Psalm 27:1
The LORD is my light and my salvation;  Whom shall I fear? The LORD is the defense of my life;  Whom shall I dread?

Psalm 27:3
Though a host encamp against me, My heart will not fear;  Though war arise against me, In spite of this I shall be confident.

Psalm 46:1-2
God is our refuge and strength, A very present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear, though the earth should change And though the mountains slip into the heart of the sea;

Psalm 49:5
Why should I fear in days of adversity, When the iniquity of my foes surrounds me,

Psalm 49:16
Do not be afraid when a man becomes rich, When the glory of his house is increased;

Psalm 56:3
When I am afraid, I will put my trust in You.

Psalm 56:4
In God, whose word I praise, In God I have put my trust;  I shall not be afraid. What can mere man do to me?

Psalm 56:11
In God I have put my trust, I shall not be afraid. What can man do to me?

Psalm 78:53
He led them safely, so that they did not fear;  But the sea engulfed their enemies.

Psalm 91:5
You will not be afraid of the terror by night, Or of the arrow that flies by day;

Psalm 112:7
He will not fear evil tidings;  His heart is steadfast, trusting in the LORD.

Psalm 112:8
His heart is upheld, he will not fear, Until he looks with satisfaction on his adversaries.

Psalm 118:6
The LORD is for me;  I will not fear;  What can man do to me?

Psalm 145:19
He will fulfill the desire of those who fear Him;  He will also hear their cry and will save them.

Proverbs 3:24-25
When you lie down, you will not be afraid;  When you lie down, your sleep will be sweet.
Do not be afraid of sudden fear, Nor of the onslaught of the wicked when it comes;
For the LORD will be your confidence, And will keep your foot from being caught.

Isaiah 8:12
"You are not to say, 'It is a conspiracy!'In regard to all that this people call a conspiracy,And you are not to fear what they fear or be in dread of it.

Isaiah 8:13
"It is the LORD of hosts whom you should regard as holy.And He shall be your fear,And He shall be your dread.

Isaiah 10:24
Therefore thus says the Lord GOD of hosts, "O My people who dwell in Zion, do not fear the Assyrian who strikes you with the rod and lifts up his staff against you, the way Egypt did.

Isaiah 12:2
"Behold, God is my salvation, I will trust and not be afraid;  For the LORD GOD is my strength and song, And He has become my salvation."

Isaiah 35:4
Say to those with anxious heart,"Take courage, fear not Behold, your God will come with vengeance; The recompense of God will come,But He will save you."

Isaiah 41:10
'Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God I will strengthen you, surely I will help you,Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.'

Isaiah 41:13
"For I am the LORD your God, who upholds your right hand,Who says to you, ' Do not fear, I will help you.'

Isaiah 41:14
"Do not fear, you worm Jacob, you men of Israel; I will help you," declares the LORD, "and your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel.

Isaiah 43:1
But now, thus says the LORD, your Creator, O Jacob,And He who formed you, O Israel,"Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name;  you are Mine!

Isaiah 43:5
"Do not fear, for I am with you;  I will bring your offspring from the east,And gather you from the west.

Isaiah 44:2
Thus says the LORD who made you And formed you from the womb, who will help you,' Do not fear, O Jacob My servant;  And you Jeshurun whom I have chosen.

Isaiah 44:8
'Do not tremble and do not be afraid;  Have I not long since announced it to you and declared it? And you are My witnesses. Is there any God besides Me, Or is there any other Rock? I know of none.'"

Isaiah 51:7
" Listen to Me, you who know righteousness, A people in whose heart is My law;  Do not fear the reproach of man, Nor be dismayed at their revilings.

Isaiah 51:12-15
"I, even I, am He who comforts you.
Who are you that you are afraid of man who dies,
And of the son of man who is made like grass,
That you have forgotten the LORD your Maker,
Who stretched out the heavens
And laid the foundations of the earth,
That you fear continually all day long because of the fury of the oppressor,
As he makes ready to destroy?
But where is the fury of the oppressor?
The exile will soon be set free, and will not die in the dungeon, nor will his bread be lacking.
For I am the LORD your God, who stirs up the sea and its waves roar (the LORD of hosts is His name).
Jeremiah 1:8
"Do not be afraid of them, For I am with you to deliver you," declares the LORD.

Jeremiah 30:10
'Fear not, O Jacob My servant,' declares the LORD, 'And do not be dismayed, O Israel;
For behold, I will save you from afar, And your offspring from the land of their captivity
And Jacob will return and will be quiet and at ease, And no one will make him afraid.

Jeremiah 42:11
'Do not be afraid of the king of Babylon, whom you are now fearing;  do not be afraid of him,' declares the LORD, 'for I am with you to save you and deliver you from his hand.

Jeremiah 51:46-47
"Now so that your heart does not grow faint, And you are not afraid at the report that will be heard in the land--For the report will come one year,And after that another report in another year, And violence will be in the land With ruler against ruler--
Therefore behold, days are coming When I will punish the idols of Babylon;  And her whole land will be put to shame, And all her slain will fall in her midst.

Jeremiah 30:10
'Fear not, O Jacob My servant,' declares the LORD,'And do not be dismayed, O Israel; For behold, I will save you from afar And your offspring from the land of their captivity. And Jacob will return and will be quiet and at ease, And no one will make him afraid.

Jeremiah 46:27
"But as for you, O Jacob My servant, do not fear, Nor be dismayed, O Israel! For, see, I am going to save you from afar, And your descendants from the land of their captivity; And Jacob will return and be undisturbed And secure, with no one making him tremble.

Jeremiah 46:28
"O Jacob My servant, do not fear," declares the LORD, "For I am with you. For I will make a full end of all the nations Where I have driven you, Yet I will not make a full end of you; But I will correct you properly And by no means leave you unpunished."

Lamentations 3:57
You drew near when I called on You; You said, "Do not fear!"

Ezekiel 2:6
"And you, son of man, neither fear them nor fear their words, though thistles and thorns are with you and you sit on scorpions;  neither fear their words nor be dismayed at their presence, for they are a rebellious house.

Ezekiel 3:9
"Like emery harder than flint I have made your forehead. Do not be afraid of them or be dismayed before them, though they are a rebellious house."

Daniel 10:12
Then he said to me, "Do not be afraid, Daniel, for from the first day that you set your heart on understanding this and on humbling yourself before your God, your words were heard, and I have come in response to your words.

Daniel 10:19
He said, "O man of high esteem, do not be afraid. Peace be with you;  take courage and be courageous!" Now as soon as he spoke to me, I received strength and said, "May my lord speak, for you have strengthened me."

Haggai 2:5
'As for the promise which I made you when you came out of Egypt, My Spirit is abiding in your midst;  do not fear!'

Matthew 1:20
But when he had considered this, behold, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream, saying, " Joseph, son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary as your wife;  for the Child who has been conceived in her is of the Holy Spirit.

Matthew 6:25 ff
25"For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink;  nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?
26"Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they?
27"And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life?
28"And why are you worried about clothing? Observe how the lilies of the field grow;  they do not toil nor do they spin,
29yet I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these.
30"But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you? You of little faith!
31"Do not worry then, saying, 'What will we eat?' or 'What will we drink?' or 'What will we wear for clothing?'
32"For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things;  for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things.
33"But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
34"So do not worry about tomorrow;  for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Matthew 8:26
He said to them, "Why are you afraid, you men of little faith?" Then He got up and rebuked the winds and the sea, and it became perfectly calm.

Matthew 10:26-31
"Therefore do not fear them, for there is nothing concealed that will not be revealed, or hidden that will not be known.
"What I tell you in the darkness, speak in the light; and what you hear whispered in your ear, proclaim upon the housetops.
"Do not fear those who kill the body but are unable to kill the soul; but rather fear Him who is able to destroy both soul and body in hell.
"Are not two sparrows sold for a cent? And yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father.
"But the very hairs of your head are all numbered.
"So do not fear; you are more valuable than many sparrows.

Matthew 14:26-27
When the disciples saw Him walking on the sea, they were terrified, and said, "It is a ghost!" And they cried out in fear.
But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, "Take courage, it is I;  do not be afraid."

Matthew 17:7
And Jesus came to them and touched them and said, "Get up, and do not be afraid."

Matthew 28:5
The angel said to the women, " Do not be afraid;  for I know that you are looking for Jesus who has been crucified.

Matthew 28:10
Then Jesus said to them, " Do not be afraid;  go and take word to My brethren to leave for Galilee, and there they will see Me."

Mark 4:40
And He said to them, "Why are you afraid? Do you still have no faith?"

Mark 5:36
But Jesus, overhearing what was being spoken, said to the synagogue official, " Do not be afraid any longer, only believe."

Mark 6:50
for they all saw Him and were terrified. But immediately He spoke with them and said to them, " Take courage;  it is I, do not be afraid."

Luke 1:13
But the angel said to him, " Do not be afraid, Zacharias, for your petition has been heard, and your wife Elizabeth will bear you a son, and you will give him the name John.

Luke 1:30
The angel said to her, " Do not be afraid, Mary;  for you have found favor with God.

Luke 2:10
But the angel said to them, " Do not be afraid;  for behold, I bring you good news of great joy which will be for all the people;

Luke 5:10
and so also were James and John, sons of Zebedee, who were partners with Simon. And Jesus said to Simon, " Do not fear, from now on you will be catching men."

Luke 8:50
But when Jesus heard this, He answered him, " Do not be afraid any longer;  only believe, and she will be made well."

Luke 10:41-42
But the Lord answered and said to her, " Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered about so many things;
but only one thing is necessary, for Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her."

Luke 12:4-7
"I say to you, My friends, do not be afraid of those who kill the body and after that have no more that they can do.
"But I will warn you whom to fear: fear the One who, after He has killed, has authority to cast into hell; yes, I tell you, fear Him!
"Are not five sparrows sold for two cents? Yet not one of them is forgotten before God.
"Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not fear; you are more valuable than many sparrows.

Luke 12:32
" Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has chosen gladly to give you the kingdom.

John 6:20
But He said to them, "It is I;  do not be afraid."

Acts 18:9
And the Lord said to Paul in the night by a vision, "Do not be afraid any longer, but go on speaking and do not be silent;

Acts 27:24
saying, 'Do not be afraid, Paul;  you must stand before Caesar;  and behold, God has granted you all those who are sailing with you.'

Philippians 4:6
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

Hebrews 13:6
so that we confidently say,"the Lord is my helper, I will not be afraid. What will man do to me?"

I Peter 5:6-7
Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you.

Revelation 1:17
When I saw Him, I fell at His feet like a dead man. And He placed His right hand on me, saying, " Do not be afraid;  I am the first and the last, and the living One; and I was dead, and behold, I am alive forevermore, and I have the keys of death and of Hades.

What cultural values shape your priorities and actions?

I have heard it said that western (european and north american) societies are based on an "Innocence versus Guilt" mentality, wheras eastern (middle-east, far east, and northern africa) societies are based on an "Honor versus Shame" mentality, and that tribalist (southern africa, rural tribes in all other parts of the world) societies are based on a "Strength vs Weakness" mentality.

In many anthropological and missiological circles, this is taken as established fact and rarely questioned.  And there are good reasons to see these basic differences as real.   For example, see this anecdote (http://www.iculturelink.com/pitfalls-for-westerners-in-a-shame-based-culture/) and many other such published anecdotes.

Westerners, so the theory goes, are very concerned with doing what is "right" and avoiding what is "wrong".  Those in Oriental cultures however, says the theory, are more concerned with doing what will bring honor... not only to the person themselves, but to the person's family.  These cultures are more focused on the group / the collective in general, as opposed to more of an individualistic focus in Western cultures.   For this reason the concept of "saving face" is more important in Eastern cultures.

I think there's a fair amount of truth to the generalization.  However, I have a few thoughts.

1. Often these categories are brought out by people who are trying not merely to describe, but to prescribe.
That is, when someone like David Marantz writes his book "Afrian Friends and Money Matters", although they generally try to stay neutral ("this is how an African thinks about friendship"), they sometimes slip into persuasion mode ("these are the problems with how Americans conceive of friendship").
Likewise with these categories.  The persuasion can be mild and innocent, as in trying to help someone understand a non-western culture so as to not offend people when he/she travels there, or it can be subtle/deadly, as when someone suggests that the understanding of the Gospel that emphasizes Christ's substitutionary propitiatory atonement for individuals' sins is misguided and is superseded/overshadowed by the Bible's teaching about ethics and personal morality or the global kingdom-of-God teachings.
In other words, if one is simply pointing out differences between societies, fine.  But if one goes beyond this and indicates that we shouldn't be so focused on guilt/innocence because that's a culturally myopic "Western" perspective on the gospel, I say in response that the Bible itself is our only absolute standard...   And what if, in fact, the Bible has had a historically larger effect on "western" society than on "eastern" society (e.g. when Paul the apostle was directed into Europe by the Holy Spirit rather than into Asia, in Acts 16)?  Our goal is not the average of all cultures, but conformity to the Bible!
Learning about other cultures' subconscious/ingrained values can be helpful in understanding our own cultural glasses, but there is an equal danger of uncritically adopting other cultures' values.  The Bible alone is the perfect truth....

2. Is it really true that the Western value system is "guilt-innocence" based?   I think it might more accurately be characterized as "pleasure-pain" based instead.  In other words, Westerners seem to put highest value on personal pleasure, and avoiding personal pain.  "Doing the right thing" is not quite as important, subconsciously, it seems to me.  Pleasure comes in different forms - money, shopping, technology, entertainment, movies, sex, and most importantly, health...

3. The question is asked by others - how best may the Gospel be wrapped in a presentation that most appeals to the subconscious values of people in different cultures?  Paul talked about "becoming all things to all men so that I might by all means save some", referring to following Jewish cultural traditions when talking with the Jews, Greek cultural traditions when talking with the Greeks, etc.
Missiologists today talk about presenting the Gospel to Oriental Muslims in terms of "Christ the Victor who triumphed over sin and death and the devil and was brought to a position of supreme power and glory by His Father (Philippians 2)".  In other words, emphasize the parts of the gospel that most resonate with the cultural values of the person you're witnessing to.  Missiologists talk of couching the Gospel to tribalists in terms of the absolute power of God who raised His Son from the dead, "since it was impossible for Him to be held captive to it", and His absolute superiority and supremacy over all the evil spirits.  In the New Testament, whenever Christ commanded a spirit to do something, it had to obey immediately.
This understanding of cultural values has some usefulness, since the Bible does talk about these other "perspectives" on the Gospel...   But there are some pitfalls to be careful about.  Eventually the full counsel of God MUST be presented... and before the person 'converts' too! ...or else how will he/she be able to knowledgeably 'count the cost' of following Christ?  If the cost is not understood, there will be many initial converts, but most of them will fall away.
For example, the Oriental Muslim must understand that the way of Christ is characterized by extreme dishonor... "You will be hated by all men on account of My name," said Christ.  They will bring dishonor and shame upon their families.  Christ's own exaltation came after His extreme descent into degradation and dishonor (Philippians 2 again!).  The tribalist must understand that the way of Christ will be accompanied with extreme weakness (2 Corinthians 4).... "My grace is sufficient for you... [My] strength is perfected in [your] weakness..." said God in 2 Corinthians 12:9.

4. Perhaps the way to avoid the pitfalls is to focus on heaven!...
Will Jesus' disciples receive honor?  Absolutely... but it will only surely come in Heaven.  Before that, it will come and go capriciously.  On that day, the honor will come from God Himself.  John 5:44 - "How can you believe, when you receive glory from one another and you do not seek the glory that is from the one and only God?"
Will Jesus' disciples receive power and be "set securely on high" forever (and get to judge the angels)?  Absolutely.  But there will be many valleys of weakness in this earthly life before we finally get there.
Will Jesus' disciples receive "pleasures forevermore"?  Absolutely.  Not here.  There.

5. Perhaps John Piper (known for his teaching of "Christian Hedonism") is a good example of wrapping the gospel in a message that is aimed directly at the pleasure-seeking hearts of Americans (including myself of course).   All his dozens of books are perfused with that thesis:  the eternal pleasures that come from God are eminently WORTH.... anything/everything/putting-Christ-first-and-obeying-Him.

6. I wonder if the cultural values of the so-called "Generation X" or "Generation Next" (the young generation of current Americans and Europeans) might be slightly modified from pleasure-pain....  namely, excitement-boredom.   In other words, having a life that is "fun" and "exciting" and "happening" and "in the center of the action" and "not-out-of-the-loop" might be a cultural value that is pervasive across American youth (and conversely, the thing to avoid at all costs is having a "boring" life).  Similar in some ways to the Roman culture right before they fell.... circuses, gladiators, people thrown to the lions in the Coliseum, etc...
Perhaps this is a slight shift in American cultural values...?  Or perhaps this is just the age factor, and the youth of all cultures would evince more of this than the elders?  But I wonder if the technology of America has exacerbated this trend.... e.g. Hollywood movies, television shows, video games, Facebook, Twitter, etc.

7. And so the challenge to the next generation of American evangelists....  what does the Gospel of Christ have to offer to excitement-hungry teens?   Is there any excitement to look forward to in heaven, that can sustain a disciple of Christ through the boring backwaters of God-focused earthly life?

 

Here are two short pdf documents about the gospel that are well worth pondering!  They talk about the author's realizations of the dangers of emphasizing "performance" rather than faith / trust / God's grace in our walk with Christ.  This message is not new... it is basically the same message preached by the reformers in the 1600's, and by many others before and after... each generation must discover the gospel again for itself...

http://www.stoptryingharder.com/Chapter1.pdf

http://www.stoptryingharder.com/Preaching_to_the_Exhausted.pdf

 

For in the gospel a righteousness from God is revealed, a righteousness that is by faith from first to last, just as it is written: "The righteous will live by faith".   Romans 1:17

...Having begun by the Spirit, are you now being perfected by the flesh?   Galatians 3:3b

Does this ever happen to you, that you sense a troubled spirit in some people and you desire to ask them how they're doing, but then for some particular reason or other you realize that asking them would cause problems / would be unedifying / would cause them consternation / etc, so you repress the desire, and just keep quiet or smile/nod/say 'hi', and then the only thing one can do is walk away and pray for them ... ?   It happens to me so frequently... like several times per week.  It is so frustrating!  I find myself longing for the day in heaven when such strictures will vaporize and everything will be revealed (and all interpersonal communications will be free/open/easy/joyful/pure/perfect):

"But there is nothing covered up that will not be revealed, and hidden that will not be known. Accordingly, whatever you have said in the dark will be heard in the light, and what you have whispered in the inner rooms will be proclaimed upon the housetops." (Luke 12:2-3)

"Therefore do not go on passing judgment before the time, but wait until the Lord comes who will both bring to light the things hidden in the darkness and disclose the motives of men's hearts; and then each man's praise will come to him from God." (1 Corinthians 4:5)

 

Another thought, from last week or so...    Like most people perhaps, I fight a constant battle against mildew. Shower curtains, towels, dishware, counters, etc etc. The basic weapon is quite simple -- access to fresh air. Place a towel where it can dry, and it won't mildew. Scrunch up a shower curtain so it stays wet, and it will grow mildew within a few days. Leave a cup upside down and wet, and it will mildew. Move it so that a crack of fresh air can get in, and it will dry cleanly.

I think it's the same with accountability and secret sins. When one keeps them secret, they stay alive and fester and grow. When one is open with trusted godly friends about them, they begin to wither. My own journeys into deeply open relationships with godly friends has been wonderful. God has granted huge mercy to me, as I am a very sinful person. "God [has been] merciful to me, a sinner" (cf. Luke 18:13, Matt 18:27, 1 Tim. 1:15)

Relatedly, one can accurately guess who is struggling with secret sins, because those people have an outward "all is perfect" demeanor and attitude.... These are the people who I really pray for, with sadness, because they are on the road to huge public failure. This is why people in christian leadership positions need such prayer, because when you're at the "top of a pyramid", unless you actively invite accountability into your life, people will tend not to hold you accountable and secret sin will grow (this is another reason God established plurality of eldership in churches rather than the single pastor or pope model...)

On the other hand, with people who are open and honest about their failings, one understands that 'what you see is what you get'... these people I pray for with joy, because they are on the road to healing and life. When one "surrenders one's reputation to God", wonderful things happen.

Of course, just because someone doesn't share their sins with you doesn't necessarily indicate anything (the person may not trust you or feel close with you)... but if one can see that they are accountable to other godly friends, that is a very good situation.

And the people who are on the road to huge public failure? Even then, God's plans are perfect.... cf. David's, Peter's, Moses', others' sins recorded in the Bible, and how God used each situation to bring great good and to bring that person closer to Himself in humility and ultimate joy..... (that is, if the person is one of God's elect... or, otherwise, the person demonstrates God's justice through their demise... Cain, Absalom, Esau, etc)

"Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much." James 5:16

Some initial thoughts on "spiritual nutrition"...

We're all familiar with the idea of making sure we're eating a balanced and healthy food diet.  Not that we always do, but we have some knowledge on how it's done.  For example:

- Whole grains/carbohydrates - breads, cereals, rice, etc - foundation of diet, should compose bulk of intake

- Vegetables and fruits - fresh vegetables and fruits, juices, etc - should eat a serving or more per day

- Protein - meats, eggs, vegetable protein sources like soy/tofu, etc - some protein needed every day, especially for athletes, but can use vegetable protein to supplement meat protein

- Dairy - milk, yogurt, etc - for calcium, etc

- Fatty and sweet food - some fat/oil is helpful each day, especially oils high in ohmega-3 and ohmega-6 acids and low in saturated fat... but generally fatty and/or sugary/high-glycemic-index food should be minimized for best health

 

What about spiritual nutrition?  The Bible uses the analogy many times between physical food and spiritual food - Scriptural teaching and thoughts-to-meditate-on that feed the soul and keep it healthy...  1 Corinthians 3:2, Hebrews 5:12, etc.
Do not be carried away by varied and strange teachings; for it is good for the heart to be strengthened by grace, not by foods, through which those who were so occupied were not benefited. Hebrews 13:9

In pointing out these things to the brethren, you will be a good servant of Christ Jesus, constantly nourished on the words of the faith and of the sound doctrine which you have been following.  1 Tim. 4:6

Therefore, I testify to you this day that I am innocent of the blood of all men. For I did not shrink from declaring to you the whole counsel of God.  Acts 20:26-27
Two aspects of this, followed by a quote and a question (the question that spawned this whole post):

1. Personal - what are the essentials of spiritual nutrition for your and my own daily walk with God?   (to be combined with Biblical preaching/teaching from church, ideally)

- Some people rely on devotional books which have a daily verse of scripture, some commentary, and a couple heartwarming anecdotes.  The advantage of this is that the convenience of it helps one stay consistent, it provides a bite-sized piece of Scripture to think about throughout the day with a minimum of effort.  The disadvantage is that it's kind of like a '90-second microwave dinner' - convenient and packed with the necessary calories, but overly processed and lacking in the full cohort of minerals...  i.e., it can lead to reliance on human commentators rather than teaching one to dig into the Scriptures for oneself.  Especially, if one only reads these pre-written devotional books, one can gradually absorb the theological biases of the commentators or organization, and become gradually hardened to the voice of the actual Scriptures.  The Pharisees had this problem too... Matthew 15:3.

- Some people slowly work on memorizing a large chunk of Scripture.  The advantage of this is that when you're done, you know that passage of scripture really really well, and you have it memorized, in context.  The downside is that you don't get exhortation from other parts of scripture during this time.  Imagine eating steak every day for three months, without vegetables, bread, or anything else.  Steak is a good source of protein, but...

- Some people flip the Bible open randomly each day and read a little bit to think about each day.  Advantage: One gets "the whole counsel of God."  Disadvantage: hard to remember what you've read earlier that week, because there's no theme... also, if one comes upon a confusing passage, how is one to understand it without study and commentaries and meditation and prayer and conversation, etc?

- Some people use Bible-reading schedules like Andrew Murray's or the One Year Bible that has you read a little Old Testament and a little New Testament every day.  Advantage: continuity across days, and widely-varied 'nutrients' from across the Bible.  Disadvantage - one has to read so fast and so much that one has little time to ponder and 'chew on' the passage throughout the day.

- What other thoughts or ideas can you contribute?

2. Pastoral - When one is a spiritual teacher of others (either an church elder, or a teacher, or a sunday school teacher, etc), how does one decide what spiritual meal to cook up for your dependents?  (I am taking for granted that the BIBLE is what is being exposited, not the church fathers, C.S.Lewis, Augustine, Readers' Digest, or whatever other 'words of men' might tempt comparison with the written "Word of God")

- "Expository" style - Preach/teach through one book of the Bible, verse-by-verse or chapter by chapter.  Advantage: It is easier to arrive at the contextually-accurate meaning of each passage when one is studying each book as a whole, and one doesn't have to worry as much about his/her own biases causing only one's "favorite" passages to be studied while ignoring the others.  Disadvantage: How does one choose which book to study at which time? Also, as one becomes aware of specific needs or areas of ignorance in the group, it is impossible to address those areas if one is bound to the structure of teaching on a different passage which has a different point.

- "Topical" style - Pick a topic, either for one session or for a series, and develop it throughout the Bible.  As an example, it seems that Jesus and James preached topically (although they certainly jumped from topic to topic a lot).  Advantage: one can collect all of the relevant Bible verses and build a full understanding. Also, one can pick topics that are flexible and relevant to weekly current events or group questions.  Disadvantage: more subject to personal bias in which topics get picked.

- Mixtures of the two above... As a variation on the "Topical" style, there are many "basic staples" and "essential vitamins and minerals" which are proposed as essential emphases by various preachers.  Tim Keller says "Always preach as if unsaved people are in the audience, and then eventually if you always preach that way, they will start coming" (i.e., he recommends adding "apologetics" as a supplement to every meal). Piper and Reisinger and the fundamentalists talk about weaving in the Gospel and God's grace into every sermon.  Others say people need to "drink from a moving stream", meaning that you should preach/teach out of what God is showing you in your own personal life.  But the risk is that if you're only focusing on what God is teaching you, you'll overlook what they need to hear for their own life situation.   Others recommend sharing of one's own failings so the audience can empathize and doesn't place the speaker on a pedestal.  Still others contradict this and say that that is 'preaching ourselves' rather than 'preaching Christ Jesus as Lord'.  Either way, all these 'vitamin additives' are pulling the meal away from the text being exposited, though they may be part of the 'relevance frame' (Acts 17, 1 Cor 9:22) that garnishes the meal and helps it to be better accepted and digested....   ????

- What other patterns or ideas can you contribute?

Interesting quote:

But once preach the whole counsel of God, and you shall have both parties down upon you; one crying, "The man is too high," the other saying, "No, he is too low;" the one will say, "He’s a rank Arminian," the other, "He’s a vile hyper-Calvinist." How many there are kept in bondage through neglect of gospel invitations. They are longing to be saved. They go up to the house of God, crying to be saved; and there is nothing but predestination for them. On the other hand, what multitudes are kept in darkness through practical preaching. It is do! do! do! and nothing but do! and the poor souls come away and say: "Of what use is that to me? I can do nothing. Oh, that I had a way shown to me available for salvation."  -- Charles Spurgeon

 

Question: What about when one is in an imbalanced church?  (And the rub is: every church is imbalanced in some way!)

For example, what if one goes to a church in which everyone is all about love and friendship but they don't emphasize Bible study or doctrinal truth very much, and they just skip around to the "love" passages of the Bible but never talk about 2 John 1:10 or Jesus' "Hell" teachings, etc.  If one is given a sunday school teaching responsibility, should one say "I'll emphasize doctrine and apologetics here, because they don't get enough of this spiritual nutrient in their diet from the rest of the church", or should one try to present the exact balance found in Scripture (but how???)  ?

Or what if one goes to a church that heavily emphasizes "higher-life"/"clean-up-your-life"/"improve-yourself" teachings and fits Spurgeon's description of a church that keeps multitudes in darkness through "practical preaching. It is do! do! do! and nothing but do! and the poor souls come away and say: "Of what use is that to me? I can do nothing. Oh, that I had a way shown to me available for salvation.""   Would one here place a heavier-than-Scriptural emphasis on "Grace, Grace, Grace", reasoning that they don't hear enough of it from their background?  Or would one teach both "to him who does not work, but believes in Him who justifies the ungodly" AND "cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you doubleminded", knowing that your hearers will likely only hear the latter because of their background of legalistic/arminian teaching...  ?   Would you 'slant' your emphases based on one's perceptions of where one's pupils are at?  Or keep one's teaching 'unslanted' in the hope that eventually God's Word will do its work?
Your thoughts are welcome.

I saw this article today on CNN.com-- "How to save your marriage" .  Seems like everyone's getting into that endeavor these days (trying to help failing marriages), and for good reason, seeing all the divorces.  The article had some common-sense stuff.  But they missed the most powerful stuff, because they are secular and because part of the quote I'm about to post is extremely politically incorrect.

Ephesians 4:22-33

 ^22"Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.  ²³For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.  ²⁴But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.

 ^25"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her,  ²⁶so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,  ²⁷that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless.  ²⁸So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself;  ²⁹for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church,  ³⁰because we are members of His body.  31For this reason "a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh."  ³²This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.

 ^33"Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband."

 

It is difficult to explain how extremely attractive a quality submission is in a wife... the desirous/nurturing feelings it evokes in the husband, etc... and how the opposite is also true- insubordination powerfully quenches loving feelings...    I expect that the same is true for the other side, that a loving husband evokes happy contentment and submission in a wife and that an unloving husband encourages rebellion in the wife.

God, as the creator of men and women, certainly writes a good user manual.

I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Psalm 27:13

God has pointed me recently to meditate even more on His promises and to trust even more fully in them.  This is good...  God always keeps His word, and the more we exercise faith in Him through difficult times, the more glory accrues to Him and the more pleased He is...

However, we can't just pick promises randomly from the Bible and think that they apply to us individually.  For example, in Psalm 27:13 above, David says that he expected that God would rescue him here, in this life.  How could David know this?  Because God had specifically promised him that he would someday be king over Israel (1 Samuel 16).  If he died, God's promise would fail.  So he had this life-prophecy over him, that essentially no one could kill him, until God had brought him to the kingship.  Nice promise for a warrior to have, yes?  So we have David killing Goliath, fighting other Philistines, running around for years in the desert trying to keep away from Saul, etc.  He knew what God had promised to him, but when times were very bleak (such as 1 Samuel 30:6 after losing his wife, or 1 Samuel 23:26 being surrounded by a hostile army) the question would press in upon him - would he continue to hold on to God's promise?  David said the thing that kept him from despair was believing that God would show him the goodness of the Lord here in this life.

Does Psalm 27:13 apply to everyone?  Consider this passage from Hebrews 11:32-40 -

And what more shall I say? For time will fail me if I tell of Gideon, Barak, Samson, Jephthah, of David and Samuel and the prophets,  who by faith conquered kingdoms, performed acts of righteousness, obtained promises, shut the mouths of lions,  quenched the power of fire, escaped the edge of the sword, from weakness were made strong, became mighty in war, put foreign armies to flight. Women received back their dead by resurrection;
and others were tortured, not accepting their release, so that they might obtain a better resurrection;  and others experienced mockings and scourgings, yes, also chains and imprisonment.  They were stoned, they were sawn in two, they were tempted, they were put to death with the sword; they went about in sheepskins, in goatskins, being destitute, afflicted, ill-treated  (men of whom the world was not worthy), wandering in deserts and mountains and caves and holes in the ground.
 And all these, having gained approval through their faith, did not receive what was promised,  because God had provided something better for us, so that apart from us they would not be made perfect.

We see that many of God's adopted children do NOT receive rescue and vindication here in this life, "in the land of the living".   Instead, many of them die...  in poverty and pain.   God has not promised earthly happiness for His children.  Instead:

And Jesus answered and said to them, "See to it that no one misleads you.  5"For many will come in My name, saying, 'I am the Christ,' and will mislead many.  6"You will be hearing of wars and rumors of wars. See that you are not frightened, for those things must take place, but that is not yet the end.  7"For nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom, and in various places there will be famines and earthquakes.  8"But all these things are merely the beginning of birth pangs.
9"Then they will deliver you to tribulation, and will kill you, and you will be hated by all nations because of My name.  10"At that time many will fall away and will betray one another and hate one another.  11"Many false prophets will arise and will mislead many.  12"Because lawlessness is increased, most people's love will grow cold.  13"But the one who endures to the end, he will be saved. Matthew 24:4
and
Then He continued by saying to them, "Nation will rise against nation and kingdom against kingdom, 11and there will be great earthquakes, and in various places plagues and famines; and there will be terrors and great signs from heaven.
12"But before all these things, they will lay their hands on you and will persecute you, delivering you to the synagogues and prisons, bringing you before kings and governors for My name's sake.  13"It will lead to an opportunity for your testimony.  14"So make up your minds not to prepare beforehand to defend yourselves;  15for I will give you utterance and wisdom which none of your opponents will be able to resist or refute.  16"But you will be betrayed even by parents and brothers and relatives and friends, and they will put some of you to death,  17and you will be hated by all because of My name.
18"Yet not a hair of your head will perish. Luke 21:10

What does this mean, that "they will put some of you to death", but "not a hair of your head will perish"?   Were these two statements compiled by different redactors, one 'pessimistic' and one 'optimistic'?  Was Jesus absent-minded or loony?

On the contrary - Jesus simply viewed life from an eternal perspective... i.e., that this earthly life is only a short prelude to the real thing.  More statements by Jesus - "Do not fear those who kill the body but are unable to kill the soul; but rather fear Him who is able to destroy both soul and body in hell." - Matt 10:28 ...   "Blessed are those who have been persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when people insult you and persecute you, and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of Me. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward in heaven is great; for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you." - Matt 5:10-12 ...

I think these juxtaposed statements mean that ALL the promises of God to His children will be fulfilled, but not all of them will be fulfilled here in this life.  For example, He says "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." (Psalm 37:4)   He does NOT promise that this will happen this week, or in the next fifty years, or at all during your earthly life.  But eventually it will happen.

Regarding whether God will fulfill the promises before we die or not, I think Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-nego's attitude is best...  from Daniel chapter 3 - "If it be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the furnace of blazing fire; and He will deliver us out of your hand, O king. "But even if He does not, let it be known to you, O king, that we are not going to serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up."

Why?  Because "even if He does not" answer our prayers for deliverance in this earthly life, He will eventually answer them, in the life to come.

When a situation comes up that makes it look like God's promise (e.g. Romans 8:28) is failing, we have two choices: either say "I don't see how God could possibly redeem this situation... Oh well, it looks like God messed up here...", or say "I don't see how God could possibly redeem this situation... so it will be very interesting to see what really big miracle He's going to pull to turn THIS out for good..."

So what are some of these promises which you and I (believers in Jesus Christ) can stake everything on? ...because of which, as Paul says, we can willingly "suffer the loss of all things"?  Here are some... first some specific promises, then some good and bad examples of faith or lack thereof...

• And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.
  For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son, so that He would be the firstborn among many brethren; and these whom He predestined, He also called; and these whom He called, He also justified; and these whom He justified, He also glorified.
  What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who is against us? He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him over for us all, how will He not also with Him freely give us all things?
  Romans 8:28-32
• Do not fret because of evildoers,
  Be not envious toward wrongdoers.
  For they will wither quickly like the grass
  And fade like the green herb.
  Trust in the LORD and do good;
  Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness.
  Delight yourself in the LORD;
  And He will give you the desires of your heart.
  Commit your way to the LORD,
  Trust also in Him, and He will do it.
  He will bring forth your righteousness as the light
  And your judgment as the noonday.
  Rest in the LORD and wait patiently for Him;
  Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way,
  Because of the man who carries out wicked schemes.
  Psalm 37:1-7
• Remember my affliction and my wandering, the wormwood and bitterness.
  Surely my soul remembers
  And is bowed down within me.
  This I recall to my mind,
  Therefore I have hope.
  The LORD'S lovingkindnesses indeed never cease,
  For His compassions never fail.
  They are new every morning;
  Great is Your faithfulness.
  "The LORD is my portion," says my soul,
  "Therefore I have hope in Him."
  The LORD is good to those who wait for Him,
  To the person who seeks Him.
  It is good that he waits silently
  For the salvation of the LORD.
  It is good for a man that he should bear
  The yoke in his youth.
  Let him sit alone and be silent
  Since He has laid it on him.
  Let him put his mouth in the dust,
  Perhaps there is hope.
  Let him give his cheek to the smiter,
  Let him be filled with reproach.
  For the Lord will not reject forever,
  For if He causes grief,
  Then He will have compassion
  According to His abundant lovingkindness.
  For He does not afflict willingly
  Or grieve the sons of men.
  Lamentations 3:19-33
• "For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us." Romans 8:18

• "For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:17-18
• "Do not worry then, saying, 'What will we eat?' or 'What will we drink?' or 'What will we wear for clothing?' For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you." Matthew 6:31-33
• "Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth; for the first heaven and the first earth passed away, and there is no longer any sea.  And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, made ready as a bride adorned for her husband.  And I heard a loud voice from the throne, saying, "Behold, the tabernacle of God is among men, and He will dwell among them, and they shall be His people, and God Himself will be among them,  and He will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away."  And He who sits on the throne said, "Behold, I am making all things new." And He said, "Write, for these words are faithful and true.""  Revelation 21:1-5
• Trust in the LORD with all your heart
  And do not lean on your own understanding.
  In all your ways acknowledge Him,
  And He will make your paths straight.
  Proverbs 3:5-6
• "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His great mercy has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to obtain an inheritance which is imperishable and undefiled and will not fade away, reserved in heaven for you, who are protected by the power of God through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time.
  In this you greatly rejoice, even though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials, so that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold which is perishable, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ; and though you have not seen Him, you love Him, and though you do not see Him now, but believe in Him, you greatly rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory, obtaining as the outcome of your faith the salvation of your souls."
  1 Peter 1:3-9
• "Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin. Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need." Hebrews 4:14-16
• On that day, when evening came, He said to them, "Let us go over to the other side." Leaving the crowd, they took Him along with them in the boat, just as He was; and other boats were with Him. And there arose a fierce gale of wind, and the waves were breaking over the boat so much that the boat was already filling up. Jesus Himself was in the stern, asleep on the cushion; and they woke Him and said to Him, "Teacher, do You not care that we are perishing?" And He got up and rebuked the wind and said to the sea, "Hush, be still." And the wind died down and it became perfectly calm. And He said to them, "Why are you afraid? Do you still have no faith?" They became very much afraid and said to one another, "Who then is this, that even the wind and the sea obey Him?"  Mark 4:35-41
• Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  Philippians 4:6-7
• Make sure that your character is free from the love of money, being content with what you have; for He Himself has said, "I will never desert you, nor will I ever forsake you," so that we confidently say,"The Lord is my helper, I will not be afraid. What will man do to me?"  Hebrews 13:5

 

Really Big Things:

1. No matter how many counselors are urging you to do something, no matter how strongly they are urging you, no matter how unusual the combination of viewpoints converging to offer the same advice, no matter how trusted the counselors are, if you do not feel inner peace from God about going ahead with the choice (especially a choice like marriage), do not proceed.  Keep waiting and praying until you have peace from God about going forward.  You will save yourself a lot of heartache.   I know everybody talks about the other side: if you think you have God's blessing but all your counselors are urging caution, then don't proceed.  I don't know about that.  Counsel can be helpful.  But the leading of God's Spirit, in a heart walking closely with Him, is more important than any human counselor and is worth following even when all human counsel contradicts.
2. Don't hold on tightly to anything in life except God.  Hold everything except Him loosely.  If you don't, you will sooner or later be devastated when it dies or withers or breaks or is stolen away from you.  Fortunately I was privileged to learn this in the positive sense - if you are holding on to God more tightly than everything else, you will never be completely devastated.  You may sorrow, but never "as those who have no hope".  You may weep, but only "as if you were not weeping".
3. God is "worth" giving up everything else for.  Put another way, if you lose everything precious in life other than God, everything other than God that makes life fun and enjoyable and beautiful, or if not even everything, if you lose that one person here on earth who is your "sunshine", that one who is more important to you than any other human, such that you are left empty, devastated, reeling, depressed, etc, but you come to realize that you still 'have' God (in that you are an adopted child of God through faith in Jesus Christ and are thus a recipient of His rock-solid eternal promise "I will never leave you nor forsake you"), then it is enough - what you still have (albeit maybe in the age to come) is SO valuable as to render any comparison with what you have lost ('precious' though it is) impossible.   You can say with Jeremiah, "The Lord is my portion, says my soul, therefore I have hope in Him."   Just Him, just God alone, is enough.

Smaller but still important things:

1. A little bit of criticism can go a long way to ruin a relationship.   There are times and places where rebuke is necessary.  But double check, triple check before airing it, to make sure it is God who is telling you to send the criticism, not your own egotistical heart.
2. Face to face conversation is usually better than phone or email.
3. "...speaking the truth in love..."  is an essential phrase to meditate upon and apply.  It is important to be absolutely honest, absolutely truthful....  and also to not share more than would be helpful and loving at the time, to the right people, etc.  Both are equally important.  If you end up being so honest that the girl is shocked and repulsed, so be it.  Better to be honest before marriage and have a big heartbreak than to be sugary and/or to hide the problem areas and experience a far bigger heartbreak later.
4. Never criticize anyone behind their back.  This is not necessarily a "romantic relationship" issue, it's a basic human relationship issue (Matthew 18).  If you have a problem with someone and God confirms that it is not just your overreaction but is truly sin in their life, then DON'T talk to anyone else about the problem, instead go talk to that person one-on-one.
5. It's a good idea to get to know the person's family really really well.
6. Don't worry.  About anything.  Including the outcome of the relationship situation.  Philippians 4:1-8.  This only applies to those who belong to Jesus Christ.  Unbelievers should worry.   But God is powerful enough to redeem any and all situations that His children find themselves in.
7. Pray.  Pray more.  Keep praying.  Pray harder.  Pray with fasting.  Pray without ceasing.  Pray until God answers.
8. Some girls want to be absolutely sure that you love them.  They so distrust your stated motives that they are willing to turn you down just to see if you keep pursuing, and if they sense the slightest hesitation, they will break off the romantic relationship.  If God so leads, keep pursuing the girl with everything you have.... you may end up winning her heart.  (But only if God so leads).  It may be that what she's really interested in is friendship (i.e. do you like spending time with her doing everyday stuff, just hanging out, etc), not romantic tokens (flowers, gifts, dates).   HOWEVER, the concept of 'different love languages' is very real, and not all girls will fit this model described above.  You may find out the hard way that everyone else's advice (and even sometimes her own explanation) about what that girl is looking for / what is her love language, is completely wrong.  In your situation, you might start from my advice and think 'all she wants is friendship', but in your particular case, she might want a gift from you, or an arm around the shoulders, or more romantic involvement, or more spiritual leadership, or whatever.  If God so leads, modify your approach and keep trying.  But don't do it if you don't have peace from God about it.
9. There is no way for a man to avoid risking getting his heart broken.   If he tries the "gradually deepen friendships with all girls until one friendship naturally goes deeper and deeper, then slide that one into romance" approach, he will risk letting his heart get enticed by affection for many women, not just the one he will eventually marry.  If he tries the "be friends, but not deep friends, with lots of girls, then after observing and becoming attracted to one in particular, abruptly move into an official 'lets consider marriage' dating relationship" approach, he takes the risk that the girl will not be attracted to him and will be scared away by his directness.   If he takes the "cautious, see if she's interested in me before I'll show interest in her" approach, the only girls he will attract will be the ones who have lowered their standards to a man who won't take the spiritual and romantic initiative, which is a roundabout way of saying, 'not the type of girl you want to have'.   Bottom line: if God wants to break a man's heart (or woman's heart), it's easy.  There's no way for the man to avoid it.  Yet, with all that said about God, it is still true (I think) that "He does not willingly afflict the sons of men..."  Lamenations 3 / Hebrews 12...  Every agony He allows is deliberate and loving (at least, for His own children...).
10. Not all romantic-heartbreak / lonely-singlehood is a direct result of sin, just as not all of Job's ills were a direct result of his sin and as the men on whom the tower of Siloam fell were not "worse sinners" than all the rest.  Likewise, not all of romantic blessing is a direct result of righteousness.  Some is of course the consequence of righteous or sinful decisions.  But some is due to circumstances, which are completely out of one's control (and completely in God's control).   God blesses and disciplines and gives and takes away by His own sovereign gracious will, not in a karmic fashion.
11. Extreme sorrow is normal, upon losing something extremely valuable such as a child or a spouse or a relationship heading toward marriage with a godly woman.  Sometimes when you experience such depths of sorrow and try to share it with Christian friends, the vast majority of people will tell you you're overreacting, you're being sinfully depressed, you're not rejoicing in God enough, you're being controlled by your feelings, etc.  The tendency upon receiving such feedback is to almost go insane with the feeling that one can no longer be open with anyone.  Fortunately, there are a few other human souls out there who have been through similar very deep waters and can offer knowledgable encouragement.  And God is a very compassionate listener.  "Jesus wept."
    As far as I can tell, extreme sorrow at earthly loss is NOT mutually exclusive of simultaneous rejoicing in the Lord (although, see 1 Corinthians 7:29ff, and below).   There will be those Christians who tell you that you ought to be happy all the time and that if you show grief you are sinning, but they simply do not understand.  They may never have experienced the same pain and brokenness you are experiencing, or they may have forgotten it, or they may have been taught that one ought to 'keep a stiff upper lip' and 'pretend all is fine all the time' on the surface in front of other people.   So we must forgive them when they give advice that only wounds further.  They do not know what they are doing.  The first example I had that earthly sorrow and hope in God can coexist was when talking with a godly older mentor whose son had just committed suicide.  Through his tears he said that he still believed in God, but he was hurting.   Over the years I began to notice that Paul talks about the same thing (2 Cor 1:8, 6:10, Romans 12:15), as does Jesus (Luke 6:21, John 12:27, Mark 14:33) and others (1 Peter 1:6).  Earthly rejoicing (i.e. being happy because of some earthly positive circumstance) and earthly sorrow (i.e. being sad because of some earthly loss or pain) are placed on exactly the same level (Romans 12:15, 1 Corinthians 7:29-31), that is, real, worthy of sympathy from others, yet on a deeper level not quite as real as what is coming next (the Eternal Life).  Sorrow as those who have hope in Christ.  Rejoice as those whose main joy is not here, but is in Christ.  Anyway, I'm rambling a bit, but the gist of this point is that when people tell you you're too sad or too depressed, ignore them.  God's opinion of you is the only opinion that matters.  Keep right on focusing on heaven, sorrowing/rejoicing in earthly things in a secondary way, and rejoicing in Christ.
12. Avoidance of all sensual/sexual/physical contact is helpful and very worthwhile.  Unbelievers and other Christians (and possibly even the girl herself) will misunderstand, but the resultant freedom and the knowledge of God's pleasure are worth it.

 

(April 20, 2009, updated June 18, 2009)

...rejoicing in Christ my awesome Redeemer, with teeth gritted against the current pain... until the time comes when it will be all rejoicing all the time with no more pain (1 Peter 1, Revelation 20-22)...

"Expulsive replacement - rejoicing in Jesus in the face of your particular idols"...

Yeah!  All... day... long...

It is interesting how one can tell the state of a couple's love by how they talk in public.  Do they show respect to each other?  Do they bring up their partner's strengths or weaknesses for conversation?

If the former, it is because the person is secure enough in himself/herself or in something else (e.g. Jesus Christ) that 'bedrocks' his/her life that he/she can 'afford' to lift up the spouse before others.  If the latter, it is because the person is insecure and is trying to feel better about himself/herself by making the spouse look bad.  Self-deprecating remarks are somewhere in-between, because they are sometimes just a reverse-psychology way to get people to give reassurances in reply.  But sometimes they are other-directed.

Recent examples:

1. A newlywed wife makes fun of the way her husband loves John Deere tractors and glances at the John Deere store every time they drive by.

2. A husband makes jokes about how his wife starts lots of projects but never finishes them.

3. A husband, during a meal with an older couple at a restaurant, sincerely and unsolicitedly praises his wife's home cooking.

4. A husband makes a decision about a family event.  Immediately the wife contradicts him, says why his plan won't work, and announces that the family will do something else instead.

Respectful, complimentary talk about one's spouse in front of him/her is often a clear window into the love present in private.  Likewise, talk behind one's back can also be an indicator...  but less 'accessible' than the public evidence (in the sense that one has 'public' data on all couples, but 'private' data on only a few friends)...

Recent examples:

1. A wife complains to friends that her husband doesn't spend much time with her.

2. A husband boasts to his friends about how frugal and shopping-smart his wife is, and how much he trusts her advice on financial matters.

Public compliments betoken a 'hothouse environment', a relationship soil that is either so rich with trust that the person is comfortable making the statement (e.g. "I can go way out on a limb and expose my feelings of appreciation for my spouse, knowing that my spouse won't tear me apart emotionally by making fun of my compliment when we're in private") OR a relationship with someone even MORE important than the spouse (e.g. Jesus Christ) that is so strong that "even if my spouse tears me apart emotionally in private, I don't care, I'll honor her in public anyway, because the solace and love that I get from Jesus is ENOUGH for me in every way".

Private compliments are a small step in the right direction...  A "I don't trust you enough yet to honor you in front of our friends, but I trust you enough to thank/honor you here and now"...

However (disclaimer #1), some friends have told me that my thoughts on this are only partial, in that some people give public compliments in a phony manner, simply to try to 'earn points' with the spouse.  That may be true.  I don't think I see it very often though.

Disclaimer #2 - I certainly think it is the case that some people don't very much appreciate words of affirmation, because they instinctively feel that such words are either dishonest, or misinformed.  I.e. the "Five Love Languages" book probably has some good points to make, even if there are more than five, and even if I've never read the book.  It is also probably the case, regarding the 'dishonest/misinformed/accurate' trilemma, that words from people who know one most deeply tend to be most appreciated, as well as words from people who dispense praise sparingly.  Supply and demand, I guess.

Disclaimer #3 - Lest marrieds reading this think that public praise is the magic bullet to intimacy, it is also interesting to watch spouses' reactions to public praise.  If the praise was accurate and given the appropriate energy and based on deep knowledge and directed by love, the person will be happy but will of course redirect the glory to Christ the source of goodness and to human teachers.  If the praise was inaccurate or phony or overdone or emphasizing a supposed strength that the spouse actually considers a weakness, the reaction will divulge this too.

By the way, the magic bullet to intimacy in marriage, to the extent that one exists, is caring more about the spouse's benefit than one's own... and caring more about Christ than either spouse or self.  "To the extent that one exists"... because one ultimately cannot make one's spouse love you.  But one can enjoy intimacy with Christ to the full...   and they say it's even better than marriage...  and from what little I know, I agree...