May 22, 2010
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On "finding oneself"
Have you ever had someone tell you that you needed to "find yourself"? What does that phrase mean?
When high schoolers or college students use the phrase of themselves, as in "I just need to take a year off before more schooling and find myself", they typically mean they are confused about life ("what's it all for") or are disillusioned with hard work and studying at school, and want to travel, see the world, experience some different situations than they experienced growing up, etc. Especially, they may be in search of a 'metanarrative' - a big story that makes sense of all the little stories of their life - which they can 'plug into'.
Another meaning of the phrase might be more literal: someone who doesn't know themself very well... someone who doesn't know their own interests, their history, their skills/abilities, etc.
Yet another meaning might be more like: "You need to develop yourself and formulate a more defined personality. You need to make for yourself a more interesting life. You need to get yourself a hobby or two that you can spend money on and develop a passion for. You need to pick some favorite sports teams to root for. You need to understand the types of foods and entertainments you naturally enjoy, and then start investing lots of time and money in them, and begin to make your preferences known loudly to other people. You need to become more opinionated. You need to become more passionate about earthly matters. All in all, you need to 'get a life.'"
One person once told me, in all seriousness, that I needed to find myself. At the time I merely accepted the advice, storing it away. What I should have done instead, I think, is to ask the person precisely what was meant by the advice.
Meant in this last sense, the recommendation that someone needs to "find themself" seems to conflict with the example set by Paul:
For though I am free from all men, I have made myself a slave to all, so that I may win more.
To the Jews I became as a Jew, so that I might win Jews; to those who are under the Law, as under the Law though not being myself under the Law, so that I might win those who are under the Law; to those who are without law, as without law, though not being without the law of God but under the law of Christ, so that I might win those who are without law.
To the weak I became weak, that I might win the weak; I have become all things to all men, so that I may by all means save some. I do all things for the sake of the gospel, so that I may become a fellow partaker of it. (1 Cor 9:19-23)Paul's chameleon-like adaption of himself to whatever people he was with had several interesting implications:
- It was not a sign of weakness (although it may have looked that way to observers who didn't know him well)
- It did not mean that he didn't have likes and dislikes and preferences, but rather that he subjected his own desires and preferences in order to win more people to Christ
- His bending over backwards stopped at the point of where God's truth and directions began... e.g. when the Galatian Judaizers tried to add small cultural requirements to the gospel, Paul "did not yield in subjection to them for even one hour" (Gal. 2:5)
- The reason for his relegation of earthly passions to the back burner was apparently the "surpassing value" of Jesus Christ.
Apparently, Paul was so obsessed with the value of Jesus Christ that everything else was basically irrelevant to him. Or, put another way, the relevance/value of anything and everything else in life was only in how it helped him bring other people to Jesus Christ, enhance the reputation of Jesus Christ, and assist him to properly delight in Jesus Christ. Related verses:
"But this I say, brethren, the time has been shortened, so that from now on those who have wives should be as though they had none; and those who weep, as though they did not weep; and those who rejoice, as though they did not rejoice; and those who buy, as though they did not possess; and those who use the world, as though they did not make full use of it; for the form of this world is passing away." 1 Cor 7:29-31
3for we are the true circumcision, who worship in the Spirit of God and glory in Christ Jesus and put no confidence in the flesh, 4although I myself might have confidence even in the flesh. If anyone else has a mind to put confidence in the flesh, I far more:
5circumcised the eighth day, of the nation of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of Hebrews; as to the Law, a Pharisee;
6as to zeal, a persecutor of the church; as to the righteousness which is in the Law, found blameless.
7But whatever things were gain to me, those things I have counted as loss for the sake of Christ.
8More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish so that I may gain Christ, 9and may be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own derived from the Law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which comes from God on the basis of faith, 10that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death; 11in order that I may attain to the resurrection from the dead. (Philippians 3)Matthew 13:44
"The kingdom of heaven is like a treasure hidden in the field, which a man found and hid again; and from joy over it he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field."
Finally, those of us who belong to Jesus are truly and permanently "found"... our identities are secure in a way that others' will never be.1Therefore if you have been raised up with Christ, keep seeking the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. 2Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth. 3For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God. 4When Christ, who is our life, is revealed, then you also will be revealed with Him in glory. (Colossians 3)
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