March 11, 2007
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numinousity... while with ugly old "Mother Kirk" (cf. "Pilgrim's Regress")
I saw and felt incredible beauty this morning, as I looked out over the congregation of a church this morning helping to lead worship with some other singers.
I felt sharp stabbing (delightful) throbs of something similar to what Christ must feel for His church.
It's really hard to describe.
I'll try though.
It's all in the details... the individual lives and all their minutia and mundane moments... the unspeakably awesome glory which "has not yet been revealed".
The wizened old man midway back, with hearing-aid headphones to help him hear the music, singing to the Lord.
The middle-aged contractor with white hair, visibly deliberately setting aside his week of intense personal stress, singing to the Lord.
The middle-aged salesman whose wife is dying with Alzheimers', leaning against the doorframe in the back and soaking in the music. Why is he in church? Simply because of habit? I know that it's more than that for him.
The silver-haired giant basketball coach with two teenagers, dying of brain cancer. Where will he be in just a few years? Somewhere so wonderful it's impossible to begin to describe. Does he deserve to be in that place? No. Neither do I.
The little boy with Down's syndrome smiling and waving at me in the middle of the song, oblivious to the grownups around him singing.
The three church staff members singing and playing instruments with the other singers around me, pressing on with perseverance and trust even though finances may take them away from their posts in less than a month. Are they worried? Probably. Will God work it out for good? Without a doubt.
The teenager in the balcony with clothes of fashion, shoulders tilted in just such a way that I know exactly what he's thinking as the music rolls through the room. I used to think it too. Standing with his friends. The look of youth who don't know what to do with the 'uncool' Christ of Sunday School in a world that seems to threaten to flatten them every day if they don't come up with the requisite coolness. My guts yearn for them, that they would come to see and to love the truth. Does Christ feel for him/them too? Way more than I do.
The old man with steely white hair dressed in an impeccable blue suit a few aisles away, visibly submitting himself to the younger generation's rhythmic music, learning and singing the songs (to the Lord) instead of getting upset that his preferences aren't being met.
But I saw someone else today as I was singing. I should have recognized his presence immediately, but it took me a few minutes. How stupid, how ironic, that I would be singing to him while only partially thinking about what I was saying.
The King came to my church this morning.
Not that I don't get to see him often. And actually I didn't see him, rather I felt his presence. I know all the arguments against what I felt. Too well. But I also know that I have reason to intellectually jump on board with what I felt today. And to infuse all of my (rather inadequate) emotions into what I know.
Every time I literally feel God's presence (which is actually quite rare for me at present - a few times per year), I get a new excitement for What Comes Next. As Lewis said, this whole universe, this whole lifetime, is merely an introduction... a title page for a book that will never end.
Wow.
Thank you God for saving a wretch like me, and calling me into eternal life with You.
Comments (1)
Awesome, awesome post. I loved your descriptions of the body of Christ. I understand what you were feeling. I've felt it before, too. You should unprotect this post. More people should read it.
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